Flat White

The Premier pretends to say something and the people pretend to listen

17 October 2021

2:00 PM

17 October 2021

2:00 PM

Daniel Andrews has clearly never heard the dictum by psychologist and philosopher Ernst von Glasersfeld “you can’t not communicate.” 

Giving someone the silent treatment is a type of communication. Grandstanding and delivering endless orders of word salad no one wanted is also a type of communication. A type of communication that serves no purpose and has no value. 

The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis suggests the language one speaks is how one thinks about reality. If that holds water, then the Victorian government has truly rejected reality and substituted their own. In political speak, that would be like saying they are making “creative linguistic choices.” Something concocted in a university, no doubt. 

We all know that the political class is the only working by-product of the University-Industrial Complex. Glasersfeld was also a pioneer of “meta-communication” – communicating about communicating. Political Science tutorials, separate from the left-wing repetition factory that it is, taught future Premiers to preach, confuse, and sit in seats while feeling important all day. Nothing about governing well, of course. 

Dressed in fancy suits and designer eyewear is another form of meta-communication. It screams, “hey, lowly man on the street: I went to uni, you know!” So according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, it’s to make that 35% of Australians between 20-64 who did go to university feel smart. Bless. 

You see it in their Orwellian mantras. “Staying apart keeps us together.” If you’re in on it, staying physically distant as a society keeps the individual body healthy, ie, “together.” It’s so dumb, only an intellectual could have come up with it. 

You can also see it in their press releases. We can figure out just how tortured their prose is by looking at the Flesch-Kincaid Formula.* It’s a measure of average sentence lengths and average syllables per word. The higher the score, the fewer people can understand it.  

Taking a random sample of five such ablutions of Plain English, the average Flesch-Kincaid reading score is 15.5 – “difficult to read” – and you’d need at least a year or two of university education to get the just. It’s high priests talking down to laypeople, all day every day. This is by design, no doubt. 

Just like the cloistered and berobed keepers of knowledge from the Middle Ages, the Victorian parliament decrees that the science behind their baffling decisions is not for the general population.  

If the opposition (remember them?) manages to pry their Covid scientific “advice” from their cold dead hands, they’ll find it written in such exalted language we’d need to set off on a daring mission to find another Rosetta Stone to figure out what it says. 

With cases climbing every day, it seems no one is even tuning into the Chairman’s daily broadcasts anymore anyway. Any trust in the man has evaporated. The bottom of that kettle will turn black as more revelations from IBAC spill out day by day. It turns out the Labor party has more factions than Baskin Robbins has ice-cream flavours. Who knew? It could well spell their doom. I mean, “disestablishment.” 

Like all good Soviet regimes, the gulag humour remains the same: the Premier pretends to say something, and the people pretend to listen. 

*This piece has a score of 9.62, considered “conversational English”. 

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