Flat White

“Guten tag! Welcome to Hamburg!”

7 July 2017

6:49 PM

7 July 2017

6:49 PM

“Really Lucy, it’s quite frustrating. I was hoping to get away … get away from we-know-who and his rants, I planned to come to Hamburg, talk about my – about Australia’s great economic performance and what happens?  Everyone’s talking about North Korea. The G20 is supposed to be an economic conference.  The only people I seem to be scheduled to be having talks with are Indonesia and … oh, someone else. Merkel looked right through me.”

“It was wretched timing, dear.  And I must say, that German security official stopping us here at the entrance didn’t help. I know the Germans are supposed to be efficient, so to say to us ‘There is no President and Mrs Trunbull on my VIP list’ was a bit much. If our ambassador hadn’t come to the rescue we’d have been stuck there, not allowed to go in. Still, he did apologise, I mean, both he and the ambassador…”

“It was that bloody American in the White House, Lucy. I don’t mean Trump. He’s bloody too, but no, his spokesman, that Sean Spicer fellow who didn’t get my name right in the first place. Turnbull, I told them,  Turnbull, not Trunbull, and now the Germans got it wrong too.”

“Well, it’s a huge conference, dear,  but I think the wine they serve isn’t a patch on ours. Barnaby was here last week wasn’t he, trying to sell them our wine?  This sekt stuff isn’t as nice as our chardonnay, I don’t think.  Oh look, there’s Melania Trump, she’s very tall, isn’t she? Someone said she was heard speaking Russian to Putin and he looked very chuffed.”


“Well, isn’t she Russian? You’d expect her to speak the language, wouldn’t you ?”

“I think she’s from Slovenia actually, dear,  I don’t know what they speak in Slovenia. Probably not English. Look, there’s Theresa May. She speaks English at least.

“Oh, she’s seen us … she’s smiling. I think she’s under a bit of pressure from the French and the Germans over Brexit. Macron and Merkel ganging up on her,  not to mention Corbyn. I don’t envy her.  Prime Minister? Theresa? ”

“Oh, Mr and Mrs Trumble, such a pleasure. How are you enjoying Hamburg? Such a long flight for you and then all those protesters as well. Perhaps you can pop over the Channel and stay for Wimbledon?  Oh, but I can see Donald signalling, must go. Lovely to meet you, Michael and Linda both. Give my love to Wellington. Such a lovely city. Absolutely lovely.”

“I think I’m ready to go home, Lucy. I’m not enjoying the G20 as much as I thought I would.”

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