Language
What’s so funny about ‘helpmeet’?
‘What’s so funny?’ asked my husband, accusingly, as I made an amused noise while relaxing with a copy of the…
Is the Duke of York’s title really ‘untenable’?
‘Nurse! The tenaculum!’ exclaimed my husband in the manner of James Robertson Justice playing the surgeon Sir Lancelot Spratt. I’m…
The elementary misuse of ‘alumni’
My husband is forever being sent magazines from his Oxford college inviting him to give it money. I suggest he…
Why is Microsoft offended by ‘Mrs Thatcher’?
The interregnum between incumbents is a well-known and often elongated process in the Church of England. I have recently witnessed…
The real ‘scallop’ war: how do you pronounce it?
‘You say scallops and I say scallops,’ sang my husband in his best Ginger Rogers accents. Since we both pronounce…
Who owns the language?
The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, is giving local residents £25,000 grants to enable them to change the names of…
Can men be witches?
‘No, darling, I certainly wouldn’t call you a witch,’ said my husband. ‘You’re not thin enough.’ The Oxford English Dictionary…
Can a criminal really be ‘prolific’?
The BBC made a documentary about a man sent to prison for being the ‘most prolific rapist in British legal…
What exactly is the ‘festive season’?
‘Here you are, darling,’ I said to my husband. ‘These lines might have been written for you: “Drinke, quaffe, be…
We are in a perfect storm of perfect storms
When my husband’s whisky glass fell off the little table next to his chair on to next door’s cat, which…
The problem with ‘bame’
In its coverage of the shuffled cabinet, the BBC added a note: ‘BAME (Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic) is a…
What does Peter Quennell have to do with fish?
When Peter Quennell was sent down from Oxford for consorting with a woman called Cara (by Evelyn Waugh’s account), he…
How Shakespeare became ‘problematic’
‘This crossword is problematic!’ exclaimed my husband, tossing aside the folded newspaper marked with a ring where his whisky glass…
The timeless appeal of Latin
The government’s promise to fund a pilot scheme promoting the teaching of Latin in secondary schools is music to the…
The dramatic evolution of ‘actor’
‘That chap in Line of Duty. That’s what I’d call a bad actor,’ said my husband with vague certainty. He…
The dirty truth about ‘wash-up’
‘They asked me if I wanted to wash up before we even went in to dinner,’ my husband recalled with…
Double dutch: the many meanings of ‘Holland’
The title of the keenly awaited volume of memoirs by John Martin Robinson sounds like a crossword clue: Holland Blind…
The poetry behind ‘leather and prunella’
‘Oh, yes,’ said my husband, enthusiastically, ‘a loathsome disease. The tongue goes black and dry.’ He was referring to an…
The ding-dong over being ‘pinged’
‘Ping, ping, ping went the bell,’ sang my husband, making his eyes wide and jigging in his best imitation of…
Do the England team play football, footer, footie – or soccer?
I have never been a soccer mom, described in the Washington Post as ‘the overburdened, middle-income working mother who ferries…
Why the mangling of language matters
I thought that this week I would share with you a bunch of words and phrases which are currently overused…
Does it matter if Priti Patel drops her Gs?
In 1923 in Whose Body? we were introduced to Lord Peter Wimsey on his way to an auction where he…
Critical thinking: the difference between ‘critique’ and ‘criticise’
Six years ago I wrote here about critique, as a noun or verb, and things have gone from bad to…
Critical issue: the complex language of gender
Seeing my husband in his armchair snoozing, as his unacknowledged habit is, head back, mouth open, stertorous and blotchy, it…
The difference between ‘sliver’ and ‘slither’ is a piece of cake
When people say a slither of cake, do they not remember that snakes slither? ‘Slither slide; sliver small piece,’ says…
