Dear Mary
Dear Mary: How can I stop my future son-in-law saying ‘must of’
Q. My future son-in-law has been successfully house-trained in the use of upper-middle-class English over the years that he has…
Dear Mary: Is there a tactful way to shorten the guest list for my 21st?
Q. I am organising my 21st birthday party at our family house in Italy. It is a fantastic location, but…
Dear Mary: Learning to love a man who whistles through his nose
Q. What can you do when disorganised friends say they would love to come to a concert with you but…
Dear Mary: Can I ask for a lift on my friend's private jet?
Q. We have moved to the country and my husband often prefers me to drive — not because he wants to…
Dear Mary: Can I run out on an apprenticeship for my dream interview?
Q. I have been trying to get an apprenticeship in fashion for over a year without success. I just had…
Dear Mary: Must we tip other people's servants in London, too?
Q. What is the etiquette on tipping in London houses? I have been in the habit of staying with friends…
Dear Mary: How can I sneak into a talk my son is giving without him seeing me?
Q. The Idler Academy is within walking distance of my house and I note from the programme of autumn events…
Dear Mary: Is there anything that can stop companies throwing away my CV?
Q. I graduated this year (I got a first) and have written more than 70 letters to potential employers. Those…
Dear Mary: Is it rude to answer my child's call when I'm already on the phone?
Q. My problem is that an older friend, with whom I enjoy lengthy telephone chats, becomes furious when my call…
Dear Mary: How would you answer Radek Sikorski’s goose-stepping question?
Q. In his Spectator notebook of 30 August, describing a recent gaudy at the Oxford college he attended in the…
Dear Mary: Is it an insult to be given anti-ageing cream?
Q. When someone gives you anti-ageing cream as a present, is that an insult or a compliment? — A.O., Provence…
Dear Mary: Show me the tactful way to pay for a lift
Q. My neighbour is really lovely and always helps me chainsaw trees. He used to be the herdsman at the…
Dear Mary: What do we do with a teenage guest who hogs the bathroom?
Q. We have taken a flat in Edinburgh for a month and a young girl, temporarily homeless and a friend…
Dear Mary: Help me hunt down my priceless missing book
Q. A scholarly book of great importance to me appears to have gone missing from my library. It was heavily…
Dear Mary: How to accept wine refills at parties without getting drunk
Q. At a drinks or a dinner party, when very attentive waiters are hovering, I tend to let them keep…
Dear Mary: How can I tame my brother’s savage table manners?
Q. I live far away from my brother and his family, but went to stay with them recently for the…
Dear Mary: How do I train my husband not to shout for me from far-flung rooms?
Q. My former cleaner has now retired and lives nearby. I visit her with clockwork regularity and always enjoy seeing…
Dear Mary: Our holiday hosts swim naked
Q. We have recently returned from Provence where we stayed the first night with distant relatives. We woke on a…
Dear Mary: Do men really have worse table manners when they’re on their own?
Q. My 16-year-old son, who has recently had his first experiences of Clubland, has observed to me, his mother, that…
Dear Mary: How can I evade nosy questions at parties?
Q. How, in a party context, can one avoid answering what used to be called ‘nosey’ questions without being rude?…
Dear Mary: What's the cure for a workshy teenager?
Q. I agreed to give (paid) gap-year work experience in my own large garden to the grandson of an extremely…
Dear Mary: What’s the best way to turn down charity requests?
Q. I am the co-owner of a chocolate business which regularly receives requests for donations of goody bags and raffle…
Dear Mary: Is there a polite way to ask for the return of a handbag full of cash?
Q. A friend regularly hires a stall at a general neighbourhood market in order to sell surplus second-hand clothes and…
Dear Mary: What’s the best way to squash a bore?
Q. Two acquaintances of mine have somehow inveigled their way into my dining circuit. They are men who, despite privilege…
Dear Mary: How can I make my polite English husband interrupt like a German?
Q. My dear English husband has never mastered the knack of timing his interventions in conversation. He hesitates politely, and…
