Dear Mary

Dear Mary: My husband leaves all cupboards and drawers open

5 March 2016

9:00 AM

5 March 2016

9:00 AM

Q. Re. your letter from F.C. about the boyfriend leaving lids off (20 February), I have a similar problem. My husband has developed the habit of leaving all doors, drawers and cupboards open. I don’t want to nag, because he gets ratty when I do. I don’t think I can scatter insects in all the drawers and cupboards. We are 75 and 79. Any suggestions other than an old people’s home?
— G.F., Woking, Surrey

A. Why not use an aversion-therapy expedient? Explain to your dear husband that you don’t want to be a nag, so you are just going to accept that he leaves things open. Unfortunately, it means you will have to place mousetraps within the drawers and cupboards whose borders are now porous to rodent ingress. After a couple of nasty surprises you will see an end to the nuisance.


Q. I am thinking of advertising for a Jewish boyfriend but wonder if I would be contravening the law in being so specific? I have found most Jewish men cosy and fun and without the hang-ups of many Englishmen, who don’t always enjoy women’s company. My dad’s mother was from a Jewish family.
— E.S., London W11

A. Discrimination laws only come into play in certain situations, employment being the main one. In employment positive action is allowed (i.e. hiring someone from a minority group over someone with the same qualifications from a non-minority group). But positive discrimination is never allowed. A dating agency may object to finding only Jewish men if they are worried a legal complaint could be brought by a consumer of their services for discrimination. However, if you advertise as a private individual, the discrimination laws should not implicate you legally. Your tactic of specifying your favoured ethnicity should be productive as the knowledge that they have cleared the first hurdle will boost the confidence of applicants.

Q. What is the protocol about leaving a book launch? As an actor I would be mortified if anyone left an after-party without saying goodbye. But last week when I tried to say goodbye to an author before leaving his book launch, the journalist friend who had brought me along said I should just slip quietly away. To me this seems enormously rude. Who is right?
— P.W., London SW3

A. Your friend is right. At a book launch you can introduce yourself to the writer but engage him only briefly, preferably while he signs the book you have bought. You should not announce your departure because it may trigger others to leave. As an actor, no one would blame you for wanting to deflect the attention on to yourself but writers tend to feel less self-important and less self-conscious about whether others notice their presence or absence.

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Show comments
  • balance_and_reason

    racist

    • Itinerant

      Tribal perhaps but racist? that’s the same distorted thinking that has criticism of Islam labeled racist.
      The same disingenuous nonsense that has Welsh women or Irish men sue for racism- because another member of the British tribes, used the others country of origin before an expletive- despite them belonging to exactly the same race.

      Judaism is not a race neither is Islam.

      • balance_and_reason

        Thank you for your generous knowledge share; I feel refreshed, invigorated and curiously alive in the radiant reflected intellectual energy pouring out of your academic force field.

        • Itinerant

          facetious bollox.

      • Bonkim

        Islam is racist, and sectarian and have no place in modern society.

    • Jackthesmilingblack

      That’s what a white Immigration officer screamed at me at Terminal 5 as I arrived from multicultural Malaysia. So watch out for Adolph, the attack dog of Terminal 5.

  • jeremy Morfey

    “Must love and obey his mother” should be sufficient to bring in a rich seam of Jewish men. Inspection of bits of body organ missing should offer an additional safeguard.

    The last book launch I went to was a day workshop with the composer John Rutter, where he is happy to sign any copies of his latest work we are prepared to buy rather than return. The sort of goodbye message he most appreciates is for all those present to go back to their societies and say “John Rutter is a wonderful composer and they should buy all his music”.

    As for open drawers, strong elastic bands are cheaper than mousetraps and fingers.

    • Jackthesmilingblack

      Genital mutilation, now that’s something that Britain might have got a handle in but for Jewish sensibilities.
      How can you condemn female genital multinational when circumcision is absolutely kosher?

  • Bonkim

    Race relations Act comes in this – why should anyone want a boy friend of a particular ethnicity or religion, there are many better for you from all faiths, races, and none.

    • rationality

      I only date women from my race as I’m only really attracted to European women (everyone wants European women). Other religions wouldnt want me and I certainly wouldnt want them. To say that someone should be obliged to be attracted a partner from any race is an absurdity despite an individual’s overriding personal sexual preference. This expectation is very much a sign of our deranged times.

      • Bonkim

        What a load of bull! People are attracted due to man factors and race and familiarity may be one of many. May be you feel insecure with people of other races or cultures. That is O.K Many across the globe pair up with those they are familiar with and who you date or go to bed with is your personal affair..

        Then again the challenge is greater when you pair up with someone quite different and have to work hard to get the relationship going. Many enjoy that.

        You are alo mixing race and religion in the same breath – many on earth have no religious faith, don’t believe in a God. Human societies across the globe are changing and you will soon be left behind.

        • rationality

          It sounds like you’re a fan of the Coudenhove Kalergi plan. I find it sinister and dont want to see a browner Europe despite the Hollywood miscegenation propaganda. Like I say I like European women and I get enough satisfaction from comparing and contrasting our cultures and languages. Insecurity! Seriously how do non European women compare to European women? They are better in every single way. Also a lot more diverse with red, blonde, black and brown hair.

          You dont have to believe in God to be religious. Religion is a tribal thing for me and I suspect the same for Jews and Muslims. They arent intermingling quite so much and I respect them for doing so, Europeans ought to do the same.

          Yes human societies are changing due to globalism. Looking around I dont see many people supporting it,

          • Bonkim

            Your choice is your business. No one has any say in that. Others may differ from your bigoted view point. Race, religion, culture, and value systems never stand still – constantly evolving. Soon you and I will be gone and such discussion on personal choices here/now is futile. You also appear to be living in your own hole and have no clue to the wide world outside your door step. Irrationality is thy name.

          • rationality

            It is absolutely rational to want to stay within my own gene pool. Considering the insanity we see unfurling on our door I think that is a sensible outlook for genetic purposes.

            Ive travelled the world and seen many cultures. I want those cultures to be preserved as when they go, they go for good and the people in charge seem to accelerating this. Maybe if you visited the wider world you would sympathise with this view.

            This is the Coudehove Kalergi plan and I ask why you think its so wonderful?

            ‘The man of the future will be of mixed race. The races and classes of today will gradually disappear due to the elimination of space, time, and prejudice. The Eurasian-negroid race of the future, similar in appearance to the Ancient Egyptians, will replace the diversity of peoples and the diversity of individuals.’

          • Bonkim

            Well you have answered your own question – so living in a dreamland. Eugenics re-visited. As you say the likes of you will be gone and replaced by a new universal race. you or I will not change nature’s evolutionary flow. Never heard of Coudehove and don’t care much.

          • rationality

            ‘Never heard of Coudehove and don’t care much.’

            So you’re really not fussed that Angela Merkel, Tony Blair and Nicolas Sarkozy have all won the Coudenhove Kalergi Prize (Charlemagne) for accelerating immigration to Europe? I think that the fact the dispossession of the European people from their lands is of utmost importance and you should check it out. You might understand my rationality and a reason why the EU loons need to be stopped

          • Bonkim

            Utter crap – don’t waste time with such things. We should ignore the EU and concentrate on getting out. What Merkel does is for Germans to sort out. Blair is gone as also Sarkozy – yesterday’s men. Mrs Merkel will go soon too, and you cannot undo history.

          • rationality

            Look at the Hollywood black man/white women agenda. Look at the rapes they do nothing about. Look at the uncontrolled immigration that gets worse every day. This is grim stuff that you ought to know about.

            Those three psychopaths have done so much damage to Europe and their deeds will live with us forever. Merkel hopefully will be gone soon but probably when the agenda has been completed. It isnt just getting out of the EU, its about taking that corrupt institution down brick by brick,

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Hollywood is particularly bad with regard to mixed race couples. Movies like “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” make mixed race the main theme.
            British movies and TV are far better in that way.
            But face it, the U.S. Is a racist, sexist country.

          • aspeckofboggart

            ‘mixed race’. Sidney Poitier was whiter than white in that movie.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Colour blind?

          • aspeckofboggart

            Not at all. Poitier, like Mdm Chiang Kai Shek, was white inside, at least in the picture.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            And they call me a racist.

          • rationality

            Not that I care being called a made up word utilised by Leon Trotsky (real name Lev Brohnstein) to psychologically manipulate white people feel guilty for having better societies than non whites and shame them into not being some sort of heretic, but how am I being ‘racist’?

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Essentially saying you wouldn’t touch non-Caucasian women with a 10-foot pole.

          • rationality

            I would actually but the origins of the word ‘racist’ are not discussed anywhere near enough.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Combine emigration with new spouse acquisition. So obvious when you think it through.

        • Jackthesmilingblack

          If you don’t want religious belief to muddy the water, try Chinese.

          • aspeckofboggart

            Mammon is a Chinese God.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            But just don’t ask her about brothers and sisters.

      • jeremy Morfey

        Aren’t you confusing race and religion? My last two girlfriends from the Philippines were racially quite different from me and from each other. While both had Western Pacific genes, one was undeniably descended from South American hispanics, and other had ancestors in Manchuria in Northern China. As a Northern European Celt-Germanic myself, we were deliciously exotic to one another.

        However, religiously both they and I are devout Catholics, and I have a lot more in common with them than most of my compatriots. The differences I had, especially with the Manchurian, was that her Catholicism was closer to the Irish model than the French one, which I feel more at home with. English Catholic revival in the 19th century came mostly from French missionaries, whereas the Irish one is a throwback to a much stricter tradition dating from pre-Reformation England.

        I do find many European women attractive, but culturally their feminism which tells me I am a potential abuser and should be excluded from their lives makes me feel unwelcome, so I have given up on them. Those of my generation all too often go out of their way to make themselves ugly to me, since I am less of a threat to them. This is regarded as very strange in the Philippines, where good character, attitude, an even temper and an open generosity is valued above the celebrity assets of good abs, brash youth, lots of money and a sense of humour is more valued by women here.

        I am watching a TV programme about a zoo trying to matchmake frogs. They have put a less dominant male in with a sexy female with big thighs. So sad – she didn’t like him and chased him out. Male frogs attract females by serenading them with beautiful singing. So they tried to play a recording of a wild male frog from the Caribbean in the hope that it might encourage her to mate, but all that did was to make her fancy the recording and still shun the real frog. What do we do when all the males are deemed inadequate?

        • rationality

          I find women are much less feminist now then they were due to reality biting. Also the skill is to lure them out of it. As posters we are used to persuading people with our arguments. Its what we do.just show them we are men and that we dont take kindly to todays political norms. Women like that.

          I was seeing a girl from a European country where leader has been vocal about recent immigration problems who I admire and a country I deeply respect but she hated him so that was really interesting. Or a girl from one of the poorest countries in Europe yet earning significantly more than me. New one closer to home. What I put into Europe, Europe pays me back.

          I see what you mean about religion and some Asian women are hot but Ive been there, done that and happy with my preference right now. Im glad its working out for you.

          Feminism is pure poison that is dying due to its own contradictions. It was only recently we were aware of this so we fight back and prove that we are not walkovers. Being a right wing loon certainly helps with this 🙂

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Are writing skills a turn on?
            In UK trash culture, I suspect they are a turn off.

        • Jackthesmilingblack

          White women from advanced capital countries, makes you feel like giving those pretty boys a second look.

      • Jackthesmilingblack

        The old Noah’s Ark mentality. Caucasian children being a requirement written in śtone.

        • rationality

          Yeah, so what? They’re much hotter on the whole and I am on a similar intellectual level. The media ‘s miscegenation agenda has turned me off women from other races for some reason.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            White women are the first step towards homosexuality.
            You really are settling for second best, rat.

          • rationality

            So whats first best? Those women from Somalia arent triggering anything downstairs for some reason. And its rationality, rash, rashers or Mr O’ Nality.

            I dont think I’ve ever seen a Spectator threads board with so few upticks.

    • Jackthesmilingblack

      Have you considered a blue-collar boy friend? Face it, young men today are so totally lacking in practical skills, in many ways more useless than women.

  • rationality

    I hope Leon Wolfenson is reading this.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    Tyrant, control freak, religious fanatic, poor personal hygiene, untidy

  • TrulyDisqusted

    To the lady whose husband leaves drawers and cupboard doors open?

    Buy child locks my dear, there are some very good magnetic ones and if he can’t get them open, he can’t leave them open. Give him his own drawer and cupboard full of his things and lock up the rest!

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