Nick Newman

‘Nigella’s a safe pair of entendres’

Nick Newman 31 January 2026 9:00 am

You can tell the Chinese government that we strongly object to their super embassy

Nick Newman 24 January 2026 9:00 am

‘I’ve come as Sheriff Jenrick.’

Nick Newman 24 January 2026 9:00 am

‘He came off Snowzempic.’

Nick Newman 17 January 2026 9:00 am

We’re doing Dry January – giving up water and sticking to alcohol

Nick Newman 10 January 2026 9:00 am

‘It’s America Thirst.’

Nick Newman 10 January 2026 9:00 am

You haven’t got a lot on, Sire

Nick Newman 3 January 2026 9:00 am

‘Keir Starmer surviving has given me great hope for the future!’

Nick Newman 3 January 2026 9:00 am

‘He’s not getting another present until we get a thank-you letter!’

Nick Newman 13 December 2025 9:00 am

‘Is our flu coming to you, or is your flu coming to us?’

Nick Newman 13 December 2025 9:00 am

‘Are you a reliable news service or a propaganda outlet?’

Nick Newman 13 December 2025 9:00 am

‘It’s undermining justice, deciding if I’m naughty or nice without a jury.’

Nick Newman 6 December 2025 9:00 am

This black hole, Chancellor – is it in the room with us now?

Nick Newman 6 December 2025 9:00 am

‘I’m waiting till Black Friday to do all my Christmas shopping.’

Nick Newman 29 November 2025 9:00 am

‘How is it that Starmer can fly all over the world in such a short space of time?’

Nick Newman 22 November 2025 9:00 am

‘The driver’s gone to jail so he’s kept the engine running.’

Nick Newman 15 November 2025 9:00 am

‘Misleading, deceptive, inaccurate – and that’s just the weather.’

Nick Newman 15 November 2025 9:00 am

If the Chinese know what we’re doing perhaps they could let us know

Nick Newman 8 November 2025 9:00 am

That’s a relief – I thought you might be preparing a Budget

Nick Newman 8 November 2025 9:00 am

‘If they ban burqas we could be in big trouble.’

Nick Newman 1 November 2025 9:00 am

They’ve mis-spelled Reform.

Nick Newman 11 October 2025 9:00 am

Is it too late for a letter of no confidence?

Nick Newman 11 October 2025 9:00 am

I foresee increased inflation

Nick Newman 4 October 2025 9:00 am

‘How’s this for a crazy, headline-grabbing stunt?’

Nick Newman 27 September 2025 9:00 am

We need you to vet the next ambassador to Washington.

Nick Newman 27 September 2025 9:00 am

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