Real life
The vet arrived at the stable yard wearing his customary grin. He is the happiest man I know. Of course…
Real life
‘Well,’ said my gay lawyer friend Stephen as I pulled over to drop him off at Sloane Square Tube, ‘it’s…
Real life
‘And for my next trick,’ said the Volvo, as I parked at the supermarket and pulled the handle of the…
Real life
‘What is this, please?’ I said to the estate agent, as he showed me into the building site he was…
Real life
In the end, I threw my mobile phone into a sack of Chudley’s dog biscuits. It was the only way…
Real life
‘Ouch!’ said the ex-builder boyfriend. ‘I think something’s bitten me.’ And a few seconds after that, something bit me too.…
Real life
Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly fight any more battles, a pink planning notice is pinned to the lamp…
Real life
You know you’ve been irreversibly sucked into the ninth circle of horse-owning hell when you find yourself perusing an equine…
Real life
Really, I do wish people would stagger their baby-making. Absolutely every professional person whose services I have required in the…
Real life
The mechanic hooked the Volvo up to his special laptop. He had kindly offered to come to me in order…
Real life
‘Can I go and play with Twiggy?’ If dogs could talk, this is what my spaniel Cydney would be saying…
Real life
The Volvo has turned into a monster. It always did have a mind of its own. Fellow owners warned me…
Real life
All the way around a cross country course I went, then I got back, tied the horse up at a…
Real life
This horse-rearing business is not for the faint-hearted. I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought an eight-month-old…
Real life
‘Question 2. In which year did the Berlin Wall come down?’ shouted the quizmaster. And then he repeated this with…
Real life
My gay best friend is cheating on me with another woman. I saw him with her the other day and…
Real life
A letter arrives from David Cameron, asking me to vote by post in the European elections. Presumably he means vote…
Real life
The look on her face said it all. I can always tell my friend Denise is upset about something when…
Really wild excuses
The Environment Agency may not be much use to humans, but it does great things for the depressed river mussel
Real life
‘Quick, let’s slip one in the menu,’ said the builder, taking a leaflet from my handbag after we had paid…
Real life
‘Please, I beg of you, take me to see André,’ was my mother’s heartfelt plea. And so it was that…
Real life
Seeing a poodle on the London Underground wearing a red vest with the words ‘Diabetes Medical Dog’ has given me…
Real life
Drip, drip, drip. The noise of my downstairs London conversion flat, where the plumbing was fitted by turn-of-the-century sadists who…
Real life
Don’t do it. Do not, whatever you do, even think about doing it. I was happy not doing it. And…
Real life
‘How often do you de-frag this?’ said the Good Geek in the phone shop. I had gone in finally to…
