My day talking about penis size on the TfL cable car
For me, one of the great pleasures of public transport is getting into a conversation with a stranger. But in…
Why I won’t date younger women
I recently got some good news I’d like to share: I’m thirty-six years old. Yes, I know I’m chronologically seventy…
Toby Young: love him or loathe him?
London Everyone has at least one friend that none of their other friends can stand, someone you love but everyone…
A tale of two parties
This is a tale of two London parties. They say something about London society, status, power, fame and fun —…
In praise of creative bores
I’ve been to a talk by two very clever and talented men: the American novelist and critic Jonathan Lethem and…
Should I grow old gracefully – or disgracefully?
Now that I’m about to turn 70, I’m wondering: shall I grow old gracefully, or disgracefully? Everyone I know, young…
The thrill of being recognized
I had just left Tate Britain and was heading toward the Pimlico underground station when I noticed an attractive woman…
The tantric sex retreat that wasn’t
When my girlfriend suggested we go away to a tantric retreat for the weekend in the English countryside, I couldn’t…
How to be friends with young people
Can an older person like me ever really be friends with a young person? At one time I would have…
The death of good conversation
London At London parties you can find plenty of smart beautiful women and handsome charming men. You can find a cornucopia…
My life of genteel poverty
Every year at the beginning of April, I tell myself I must top up my Isa before the 5 April…
Confessions of a closeted bourgeois boy
Recently, I got very stoned. I haven’t been that stoned since I was at Woodstock. Or was it the first…
My friends keep dumping me
T.S. Eliot was wrong. April is not the cruelest month — January is. It’s cold and bleak and days end…
Why have parties suddenly gotten good?
Not long ago this month’s column would have been one long gripe about how the party — as a forum…
Why BDSM is innately conservative
My friend Evie complains that I never want to go out and have fun anymore. “You’ve become a boring old…
The cult of cleverness
Whenever I’m at a dinner party with very clever people, I always feel like I’m the dumbest person in the…
Can this dating gimmick help me find love?
Could a new gimmick help me find love?
I can’t make up my mind about microdosing
I know that microdosing — the practice of taking a very small amount of a mood enhancing drug — has…
Why I won’t grow up
Recently, a famous American novelist came to stay at my place in London. In her later Substack post she described…
Literary festivals are no fun
This is the season when literary festivals start to happen all over the UK. From the highlands of Scotland to…
Can I be a woman?
How I tried — and failed — to become a woman
The joy of missing out
As I write this the coronation of King Charles hasn’t happened yet, but I’m having great fun watching the procession…
The sex lives of writers
A fellow writer recently asked me if I would prefer to be famous as a great writer or famous as…
