Elon Musk wants your biometric data, please
Get a sample of your bodily fluids ready: Elon Musk is coming for them. X, the social media company formerly…
‘No comment’: Biden’s response to deadly Maui wildfires
Let them eat pineapple? President Joe Biden, who was approached by reporters while leaving the beach on Sunday, declined to…
Report: Meghan Markle backed for president by Biden’s sister
From the palace to the White House? Joe Biden’s sister, Valerie Biden Owens, endorsed Meghan Markle as a woman she…
Francis Suarez’s Messi debate stage ploy
As Miami mayor Francis X. Suarez looks to dribble onto the presidential debate stage in Milwaukee, he’s raffling off front-row…
Could the Hollywood strikes be the final straw for Meghan and Harry?
#UNSUSSEXFUL is trending on Twitter, referring to what Meghan and Harry have reportedly labeled a bout of “bad luck.” A…
Notre Dame’s professor of Sesame Street sues student journalists for ‘defamation’
Never trust a scholar of Sesame Street to know her legal terminology. Tamara Kay, a sociology professor at Notre Dame…
Christina Aguilera is the real winner of the 2003 VMAs kiss
It is nearly twenty years since the most iconic moment in modern music history: when Madonna, aged forty-five, made out…
Who left their cocaine at the White House?
After party at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? The New York Post reported Tuesday morning that a substance found in the White…
NPR says Asian Americans should love affirmative action
NPR thinks Asian Americans should stand against the Supreme Court’s ruling on affirmative action whether they like it or not. In…
Kamala Harris shares life-changing hair secrets
Although he has been a harsh critic in the past, Cockburn would like to thank fashion icon and hair-game legend…
Troubled artist Hunter Biden uses paintings to settle paternity suit with former stripper
Hunter Biden has settled his long-running child support case in Arkansas. The president’s son has reached an agreement with Lunden…
Trump talked about ‘what it might be like to have sex’ with Ivanka, claims ‘Anonymous’ NYT op-ed writer
Miles Taylor, CNN’s favorite mid-management White House bureaucrat, is back with hot new gossip on Donald Trump. The “Anonymous” author…
Jada Pinkett Smith got her family into psychedelics
Cockburn doesn’t have any acknowledged children, but if he did, he’d like to think that he wouldn’t give them drugs.…
Presidential hopeful Francis Suarez: ‘What’s a Uighur?’
Miami mayor Francis X. Suarez should pick Gary “Aleppo” Johnson for his 2024 running mate. After a revealing interview on…
Elon Musk: innovator, CEO, ket head
What’s your poison? All of the greatest minds have one. Freud loved cocaine, Charles Dickens dabbled with opium, Steve Jobs…
‘Biden should own his old age’ and other bad Jeffrey Katzenberg ideas
Seventy-two-year-old entertainment mogul and campaign advisor Jeffrey Katzenberg has some sage advice for President Biden: eighty is the new sixty.…
The people deserve a Mark Zuckerberg-Elon Musk cage fight in Vegas
Just when you thought toxic masculinity was dead: Emmanuel Macron chugs a beer and Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg agree…
Topless trans guests reveal systemic inequality at the White House
The White House lawn became the latest battleground in the “Free the Nipple” fight this weekend. A shocking display of…
Behind the Trump-DeSantis influencer Twitter bloodbath
Forget the campaign trail: the real Trump-DeSantis fight is spilling out on Twitter. Conservative influencers who support the respective campaigns…
Flashback: Donald Trump predicted the PGA-LIV merger a year ago
The PGA Tour will officially merge with LIV Golf, the Saudi-backed golf league, in a shock bid to squash the…
Bud Light remains for sale in virtually every Trump Organization business
As the Bud Light War enters what feels like its fifth year, Cockburn has further evidence that America’s “wokest” brew…
The Lincoln Project tries to Bud Light Dr. Pepper
The Lincoln Project, a disgraced PAC launched in 2019 “to defeat Donald Trump at the ballot box” and “to ensure…
Meghan Markle and Princess Di among top requested celebrity sex dolls: report
A British sex doll manufacturer is claiming that the top celebrities his customers request likenesses of include Princess Diana, Kate…
Taylor Swift avoids FTX ‘Bad Blood’
What do Tom Brady and Taylor Swift have in common? Both blonde, both wealthy, both recently single. As for their…
An idiot’s guide to posting about Trump’s indictment
Who to copy: #Resistance TikTok, Matt Walsh or Ivanka? Donald Trump has been indicted — and you have to post…
