Bernie

‘Become a royal protection officer – it’s the country’s only growth industry.’

Bernie 5 September 2026 9:00 am

‘Actually I don’t mind migrants – as long as those ghastly Sussexes don’t move in…’

Bernie 29 August 2026 9:00 am

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‘Should we be concerned about AI going rogue?’

Bernie 1 August 2026 9:00 am

‘Look, isn’t that Bill Oddie?’

Bernie 1 August 2026 9:00 am

‘Andy wants to tour the country and meet some of his subjects’

Bernie 25 July 2026 9:00 am

‘All this is going to rattle the markets.’

Bernie 25 July 2026 9:00 am

‘It’s taking you a long time to find us a fan, dear.’

Bernie 4 July 2026 9:00 am

‘I want us to have a big family – four, five, or maybe even six whippets!’

Bernie 6 June 2026 9:00 am

‘You wait ages for someone to throw under the bus and then three come along at once.’

Bernie 25 April 2026 9:00 am

‘Good evening, I’m from the government’s “summer of sex” compliance office.’

Bernie 25 April 2026 9:00 am

‘Did you go anywhere special this Easter?’

Bernie 11 April 2026 9:00 am

Let me put it this way – if you have any Premium Bonds, draw them out now

Bernie 4 April 2026 9:00 am

‘Take me to your Trump-appointed leader.’

Bernie 14 March 2026 9:00 am

‘If you want your letter to arrive on time, you have to put it in a parcel.’

Bernie 7 March 2026 9:00 am

‘The Tory party was much better when I was your age.’

Bernie 24 January 2026 9:00 am

Can we just forget all this

Bernie 3 January 2026 9:00 am

First floor

Bernie 13 December 2025 9:00 am

‘If it turns out you’ve been lying about Father Christmas, Mum, you’ll have to go.’

Bernie 6 December 2025 9:00 am

A relationship with someone you don’t know

Bernie 22 November 2025 9:00 am

You just can’t trust a Chancellor of the Exchequer

Bernie 8 November 2025 9:00 am

Glitter wrecking ball

Bernie 1 November 2025 9:00 am

‘Before you decide, remember where all the toys and goodies come from’

Bernie 18 October 2025 9:00 am

‘A treble whisky please – I’m doing sober October.’

Bernie 18 October 2025 9:00 am

It’s not the most aspirational of slogans.

Bernie 4 October 2025 9:00 am

Autumn

Bernie 20 September 2025 9:00 am

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