What are we to make of today’s rather breathless story in the the Times suggesting that Boris Johnson will make a ‘comeback’ at the general election? The nature of the return being touted is hard to pin down. An unnamed source ‘familiar with Johnson’s thinking’ tells the newspaper he is primed to campaign in marginal constituencies, make speeches and appear on leaflets. ‘Just as he has always supported the Conservative party he will do so now,’ it is claimed.

Another unnamed source, this time a government one, adds that there will be no joint appearance with Rishi Sunak, but that Boris is ‘up for it’ and that the relationship between the two men ‘is in a fairly good place’.

The days of factory workers hand painting ‘We Love Boris’ signs are long gone

So what is it all about? Is Johnson going to clear his diary to help his hated usurper out of the goodness of his heart and an overarching loyalty to the Tories? Or are we talking about a token effort – a couple of wet Wednesdays in Wigan and Worksop and a few photos of him with his Honey Monster arms draped around the shoulders of a Clarke-Smith here and a Gullis there?

Former Cabinet minister and longtime Boris confidante Nadine Dorries is in no doubt, claiming on social media that the report has been ‘panic placed by No. 10’ in a bid to dissuade Red Wall MPs from defecting to Reform in the wake of the Lee Anderson saga. She says there is no thawing of relations, no plans to campaign and that Johnson and Sunak have not even spoken for over a year.

The best way to interpret things, in my view, is to assume that both principals in this episode are acting entirely out of self-interest: the Johnson camp is burnishing his image as someone loyal to the Tory party. Very possibly he is contemplating a return as an MP to facilitate another tilt at the leadership. In which case he needs Sunak onside to allow his late selection in a suitably cushy seat.

Meanwhile, Dorries is almost certainly correct that Sunak’s operation is dangling the prospect of a Boris Red Wall tour to ward off defections. Having 40 MPs wandering around thinking they have been made the political equivalent of human sacrifices by a PM who has ruthlessly pivoted to a Blue Wall strategy is far from ideal.

If this is the case, this is desperate stuff from Downing Street. The days of factory workers hand painting ‘We Love Boris’ signs are long gone. While he may not attract the loathing in the Red Wall that he does among the chattering classes of Tufnell Park, neither is he viewed as remotely reliable. After all, he was supposed to turn Britain back into a low immigration nation and instead opened the floodgates even wider.

Perhaps Sunak is stringing Johnson along, using the prospect of him putting his shoulder to the wheel to keep the Red Wall contingent onside until it is too late for them to jump ship. Perhaps Johnson is stringing Sunak along, dangling the possibility of lending the PM his campaigning brio until he gets the green light for a safe seat return. Of course, both things could be true at the same time.

Yet surely all can see that each man is past his zenith and that while Johnson may make a modest recovery from his gruesome nadir, Sunak’s is fast approaching. Our two half-term premiers are bathing in bathos. The nation needs to be introduced to new characters if it is ever to find the Tory story compelling again.