Q. My friend kindly arranged for me to use her freelance gardener and, despite the gardener working only four hours a week, she has transformed my garden. Today I asked if she could do any more hours and she said only on an ad hoc basis. This evening I received a message from another friend asking for the gardener’s number, as hers has left. She has a superior garden to mine and I am terrified this wonderful gardener will give the ad hoc hours she has promised me to this potential new employer. I have tried to prevaricate but I can’t lie to this lady. Mary, what to do?

– E.S., Sussex

A. It would cause resentment if the treasure found you had blocked her access to another opportunity. Instead turn the situation into a comedy rather than a tragedy. Laugh as you pass on the message while confessing your reluctance to do so. You are more likely to breed loyalty in this in-demand gardener if she can associate you with lightheartedness and honesty, rather than desperation and deviousness.

Q. As a 51-year-old man, newly single for the first time in 20 years, I would welcome your advice about how to make a pass. I would not want to fall foul of new perceptions about what now constitutes ‘assault’. – Name and address withheld

A. Agreeing to go out to dinner with a man is the older woman’s equivalent of swiping right on a dating app. It means that, theoretically, she is interested – certainly not repelled. This advice only applies to advance bookings, not impromptu suggestions issued while you are both attending, for example, a book launch. The best testing ground is a restaurant with banquette seating where you can sit side by side looking outwards. When you sense harmony is peaking, look at her and say, as though surprised by yourself: ‘Goodness! I feel I would really like to kiss you.’  If the woman says ‘Please do’, then go ahead (although not full snogging, just a quick chemistry-establishing kiss). If she recoils you can cover your humiliation by saying: ‘I didn’t mean that sort of kiss. I just meant I’m so enjoying your company I want to give you a kiss on the cheek out of pure affection.’

Q. I am 85 and my memory for names is not what it used to be, but I find it rather patronising when people I have known for years say to me at parties: ‘You don’t remember who I am, do you?’ How should I reply to this slightly insulting question?

– T.H., London SW1

A. You should say: ‘Of course I remember who you are. I just can’t remember your name.’

Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk