Q. I was lucky enough to marry into a family where everyone gets on well. One of my brothers-in-law was the only one with a big enough wall in his house to hang a family treasure of a fragile antique tapestry, but last year he too moved into a smaller house and the tapestry now lies in his attic. When one of us asks how the tapestry is doing he moans ‘ruined, no doubt – ruined by moths’ but refuses to discuss it further or let anyone else have a look. The tapestry may or may not be beyond repair, but this much-loved man has always preferred to keep his head in the sand rather than confront something potentially painful. Mary, what should we do?

– Name and address withheld

A. If you get on well with your brother-in-law then you must know how to get into his house without breaking in. Next time he goes away, set up a site meeting with an expert in tapestry conservation. Following the inspection, you can have an informed family conference about whether the tapestry is in good enough order to be welcomed by a museum to which it could be donated or sold and which would be happy to pay for the repairs.

Q. It is entirely possible that the friend of R.J.’s daughter (Dear Mary, 15 April) referred to the good wine as ‘plonk’ simply because he thought it was slang for wine. I believed this to be the case myself, having only read it in novels, until I was at least 25.

– P.W., London NW1

A. And, it is well known in literary circles, you are now a highly sophisticated and sought-after dinner-party guest. Hosts should be sympathetic to the gaffes of the young. There is no need to take offence – as did one overreacting host, who soaked off the label of a bottle of 2009 Pétrus and had it framed it with the caption ‘Plonk’ so that he could grumble each time someone asked about it.

Q. I am a decorator with many long-standing clients. One of these runs several members’ clubs in London and allows me free rein about colours and paint finishes etc. He is a busy man and trusts my judgment. A problem has arisen since he employed a shareholder’s daughter as an intern and she has started nitpicking about my work, for example getting me to redo work quite unnecessarily. I know she’s trying to make herself look invaluable to her employer. Any advice, Mary?

– Name and address withheld

A. The intern will soon move on. Meanwhile, find a moment alone with your employer. Confide in compassionate tones that you are happy to go along with the intern’s diktats as you realise how important it is for her to build her self-esteem and feel she is making an impact… as long as, in the short-term, he does not mind the higher bills?