Q. I am considered to be a friendly and communicative person in everyday life. However I have a bad back and need to have the occasional hour-long massage to offset the tension of having to sit down at work all day. My assistant books me in for ‘full body relaxation massage’ at various spas and explains that, as the client, I will want to zone out completely. And yet there is obviously something about me which is giving the wrong message, as I invariably find I am being treated by a chatty therapist. I try to give the most minimal greeting and description of my needs when I walk into the treatment room, but it still seems to set them off. The other day I tried to pre-empt conversation by telling the masseuse that I was so deeply exhausted I would probably fall asleep, but she even woke me up mid-session so she could carry on talking. How can I make it clear, without being rude and making the therapist feel hostile towards me, that I want there to be no talking at all during my treatment?

– G.C., London SW3

A. You are right. There is obviously something about you which is prompting these outpourings. Ask your assistant to seek out a salon where no one except the receptionist speaks English. You can then enjoy your massage in silence.

Q. I am a partner at an art gallery which attracts a number of celebrity clients. We have a new young assistant who has embarrassed us recently, as her response if she recognises the celebrity has been inappropriate. She has become overexcited and shrill and asked for selfies. In every other aspect of her job she has proved to be an excellent recruit and, because she is quite sensitive, we do not want to dress her down. How can we deter her from this dreadful habit?

– Name and address withheld

A. Announce to all your staff one morning that you have just read a fascinating article in a business magazine which claims that 78 per cent of famous people like to be incognito in shops and galleries and sales go up dramatically if there is no mention of their profile. Say you are surprised by the magazine’s findings but would like to make it a gallery rule from now on that celebrity clients will be treated in just the same manner as your unfamous clientele.

Q. Two of my friends have been having tweakments. At first they looked fabulous, but are beginning to look overdone and less like themselves. As they are dear friends, I would like to tell them to ease off but am so afraid of causing offence. What to do?

– Name and address withheld

A. Can’t you say ‘congratulations on that last tweakment, it’s perfection. You mustn’t do a thing more’?