Q. One of the most widely adored people I know is a single man in his fifties. He is brilliant and charming but neurotic about money – all our mutual friends joke about his ‘dusty wallet’. I have just heard from one of these, who had him to stay for five days after Christmas. He had invited himself but, since he arrived with some indeterminate chesty illness, their youngest son moved out of his own bedroom so this guest could have an en suite and a television in his room. The family lovingly left trays outside his door etc till he was better. No present of any kind was forthcoming. The mutual friend who was his host does not ‘need’ anything but that’s not the point. Any small thing would have done – just as a gesture of appreciation. We both feel that this time he has gone too far and that I should say something to him because he risks becoming out of touch. He is coming to lunch with me soon. Mary, how can I tactfully prompt him to make good?

– Name and address withheld

A. While chatting during the lunch, say that you yourself have been invited to stay with friends – name some very rich ones – for five days and you have no idea what to give them as a present as they do not need anything. Then ask: ‘What did you give when you stayed with X for five days? Perhaps I’ll give the same.’

Q. I am inhibited about dancing. I am overweight and have no sense of rhythm. Moreover I don’t want to annoy a partner by not being able to synchronise with them. Unfortunately I was humiliated during a New Year’s Eve party where I was made to take to the dance floor by a fellow guest who would not take no for an answer. I told him my children had made me promise never to dance at parties at which they were present, but that made him even more determined, shouting: ‘How dare they! I’ll have a word with them.’ Mary, I know this man meant well, but how can I gracefully say no if this should happen again?

– M.E., Shrewsbury

A. Answer in self-pitying mode: ‘I would LOVE to. But – may I confide in you – I have a dodgy knee and my doctor has said the one thing I mustn’t do is dance.’

Q. One more solution to the problem of guests taking adapters from holiday homes (Dear Mary, 3 and 10 December) is to use UK extension multi-sockets instead, fitted with European plugs. There’s a huge variety available with different numbers of sockets, USB connections etc. These give visitors multiple charging points for the various devices we all cart around, rather than just a single adapter. Being bulky and obvious they are also less likely to be taken accidentally.

– M.H., by email

A. Thank you for this further tip.