In Competition No. 3193 you were invited to submit clerihews (two couplets, AABB, metrically clunky, humorous in tone) on members of the royal family, past or present.
This one was a crowd-pleaser and drew a whopping entry. An inevitable element of repetition didn’t detract from the overall excellence, so congratulations, all round.
I was sorry to hear that Noel Petty, a king among competitors, has died. His stellar contributions, spanning many decades, are summed up well by fellow competitor Frank McDonald in this winning entry from another clerihew competition:
Had the grace of a gazelle on the Serengeti.
Again and again he dominated competitions
With brilliant submissions
Pausing only to tip my hat to unlucky runners-up M.F. Shardlow, Tim Raikes, George Willett, Paddy Mullin, Nigel Stuart, Frank Upton and Janey Wilks, it’s over to this week’s winners, who take £8 each.
Edward the Second,
When the Grim Reaper beckoned,
Said ‘My life was decidedly merrier
Before they hot-rodded my derrière.’
The Prince of Wales
To walk past, say, a carnation
Without some agreeable conversation.
Marie-Christine Agnes Hedwig Ida von Reibnitz Princess Michael of Kent
She said, ‘I hate their royal games —
They keep calling me names.’
Princess Margaret Rose
Had umpteen beaus,
And was probably kissed a
Lot more than her sister.
While Jeff and Ghislaine
share a classic La Reine,
Prince Andrew has got
an American Hot.
Countess Sophie, née Rhys-Jones,
Rarely whinges, never moans —
You don’t imagine her a moper
is William’s mate.
While he loses hairs
she provides heirs.
Queen Elizabeth II
Is generally reckoned
To have seen her reputation ascend higher
Notwithstanding she gained a commonwealth and lost an Empire.
King Henry 8
Is remembered as a great
Lover of women’s faces and arms and legs and such.
Heads, not so much.
The slightest spark’ll
Ignite Meghan Markle —
So I fear
I’d better stop here.
Richard the Third,
As you may have heard,
Comes in for a bit of libel and/or slander
In Shakespeare’s Tudor propaganda.
George the Second
That no one could hold a candle
Paul C. Evans
Henry the Fifth
Replied to the gift
Of tennis balls in the spirit of that noble sport:
Game-set-match on the Agincourt.
(No. 8) pursued her.
Don’t ask who;
It was true of a few.
George the Third
Did so much that was absurd
That I was sad to discover
He wasn’t Porphyria’s Lover.
Meghan and Harry
Have a burden to carry
Being so sensitive and woke
When you’re just an ordinary gal and bloke.
A man whose
Claim has put him in a very English stew:
Not sweating, while not dancing, with a girl he never knew.
Do you suppose
That Princess Margaret Rose
Came to believe that life would have been sweeter
Had she wed Peter?
No. 3196: answering back
You are invited to supply a reply to the poet from Frances Cornford’s fat woman or Shakespeare’s dark lady. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to email@example.com by midday on 21 April.
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