Flat White

How white was my tele

19 August 2020

4:00 PM

19 August 2020

4:00 PM

Racism is a diverse creature. It survives as a pilot-fish ideology that attaches itself to human civilisation, suckled at the fringes where it starves or thrives depending on the current state of moral depravity. 

After a misspent youth muddling through genocides and slavery, our species is pretty confident that it can spot the exact moment when racism evolves from a limp joke into a machete-wielding lynch mob. We are, after all, infinitely superior to our ancestors in every possible way. Find someone with a trail of letters after their name and ask them. They’ll tell you how awful the past was. 

Australia has foolishly forgotten about racism. Two-hundred years of political leaders have created a whole range of insensitive legislation entirely blind to race. In treating people as individuals, we have institutionalised racism in every facet of our society. How can we possibly make sure that we’re on target with diversity quotas if we don’t include race, gender, and sexual orientation as the core thesis of our hiring criteria? 

According to a report released by Media Diversity Australia, there are simply too many Europeans (Australians) on our TV screens – except SBS, whose representation of non-Europeans (also Australians) is so diverse that there are almost no dreaded Stefanovics in sight (media talent is measured in a scale from Waleed Aly to Karl Stefanovic). 


The answer is obvious. We must hire people based upon the colour of their skin in order to avoid these racist outcomes. Twitter’s cast of blue ticks is in furious agreement. Anyone who disagrees is very obviously a bigot. 

The purpose of media in Australia, and employment in general, is to be a perfect mirror for the ethnic mix of the population. Business is an exercise in historical reparations where identity politics encourages CEOs to go out and collect racial groups like Hitler arguing over colour swatches in the Bunnings paint aisle. You must, of course, be mindful of intersectionality, and further divide your staff by their gender. When possible, include other meaningful qualifications in their application, such as sexual preference and social justice credit score. Charts are available if you are unsure how to rank the importance of gender, race and religion. 

If a sudden wave of migration changes this percentage, employers should immediately sack and hire to keep in line – starting with the oldest members of the team who have, I think we’ll agree, had a fair go. 

Human aspiration is limited. If we cannot see a reflection of our complex and exact compound identity in a role, it is physically impossible for us to apply for it. Quotas are the natural solution, forcing diversity outcomes even if the population isn’t interested in complying. Expect to see them rolled out across the gender-deprived garbage collection industry. We all produce shit, why is it only men picking it up?

The present state of Australian media is a stain on our national psyche. As former Race Discrimination Commissioner Tim Soutphommasane says, “Who we see on our screens shapes how we understand Australian society and identity. If there are backgrounds that aren’t adequately represented, the message is clear: people from those backgrounds may not really belong to Australia, or really count as Australian.”

Totally agree, mate. When men went to the moon, that was an immediate installation of a glass ceiling negatively oppressing the dreams of little girls for generations. The message was clear – the moon was not for women. 

Illustration: Pinterest.

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