In Competition No. 3048 you were invited to take an existing word and alter it by a) adding a letter, b) changing a letter, and c) deleting a letter — and to supply definitions for all three new words.
Inspiration for this challenge came from across the pond, courtesy of the Washington Post’s Style Invitational column, whose regular neologism-themed contests are always a blast.
Though many entries were partially successful, few competitors managed to score a bull’s-eye in all three sections of the challenge. A fiver per definition goes to those printed below who hit the spot with just one or two.
Brectitude: an exaggerated display of moral seriousness in discussion of the United Kingdom’s decision to leave the European Union
Pectitude: a posture adopted to show to greatest advantage the muscles of the anterior chest wall.
I-Fi: to use the internet wholly or principally for the purposes of self-aggrandisement; to construct a vainglorious virtual identity
Bodcast: Anthony Gormley statue
Abbacus: a loud malediction uttered after a legendary pop group decides against a reunion tour
Abbattoir: a place where Swedish bands are sent to be slaughtered
Lizerature: the body of publications detailing all aspects of the daily life of Queen Elizabeth II
As for the clever clogs who pulled off complete sets, £40 goes to Bill Greenwell and Basil Ransome-Davies for their multiple variations, and £20 to Adrian Fry and Max Gutmann.
Reeferendum: a national yes-or-no vote on the issue of legalising cannabis
Refereedum: the closed, secretive world of professional FA match officials
Refrendum: website offering advice to those who have impetuously broken with a Facebook friend and want to repair the breach
Posteritoy: butt plug
Pooterity: absurd sense of self-importance, having ideas above one’s social and cultural station, etc.
Osterity: policy of underfunding literacy programmes while redistributing wealth from the poor to the rich and the public to the private
smarmoset: community of fashion-aping hipsters
malmoset: serial-killer collective in Scandi Noir films
marmoet: adulterated champagne
huwbris: pride in being Welsh
hobris: excessive pride of heat-winner in Masterchef
hubis: overweening pride in male partner
marianade: drinkable holy water
mirinade: undrinkable Japanese shandy
marinae: superior mooring docks owned by Vatican City
angorak: woolly rainwear
amorak: zip-together rainwear
anoak: rainwear hewn from English wood
parodiast: producer of hateful spoofs
purodist: perfectionist copycat
paroist: mimic in appearance only
Terminous: railway equivalent of the London black cab drivers ‘Knowledge’ by which station staff always know where every train is going better than any sign board or timetable passengers have consulted.
Verminus: entirely theoretical finishing line of the rat race.
Erminus: marks deducted for excessive hesitation during a viva.
Hoticulture: the idea that the highest virtue to which a woman can strive is physical attractiveness. Hiring the pretty young weather girl over several trained meteorologists was hoticulturally sound.
Horniculture: the cultivation of an environment catering to men’s needs, particularly those of a sexual nature. Horniculture dictates that the television station’s manager has sole discretion over the choice of a weather girl, and — as his casting couch attests — of the criteria
Whorticulture: the cultivation in women of attitudes supportive of horniculture. The new weather girl’s mastery of whorticulture is seen in her delight with her new position — and the positions she took to obtain it.
No. 3051: royal treatment
You are invited to supply a diary entry written by a well-known diarist (living or dead) describing the wedding day of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Please email (wher-ever possible) entries of up to 150 words (providing a word count) to firstname.lastname@example.org by midday on 30 May.
Subscribe to The Spectator Australia today for a quality of argument not found in any other publication. Subscribe – Try a month free