A long and arduous flight back from the Caucasus, but worth it nonetheless for the meaningful protest we had staged in the fragrant and lovely Georgian capital, Tbilisi. They have opened a vegan restaurant there called the Café Kiwi — an affront not just to ordinary Georgians, but to all right-thinking people, surely. A bunch of us stormed the place carrying large chunks of grilled lamb on skewers and spicy sausages, which we flung at the epicene customers, who cowered beneath their tables and were unable to fight back because their bones had been made as brittle as matchwood by a diet consisting entirely of nuts and berries.

‘Eat some meat, flaccid homosexual scum,’ we howled at them — suspecting that most if not all of the diners ‘batted for the other side’, so to speak. These people are so stupid they won’t even eat the delicious Georgian flatbread kachapuri, with its unctuous interior of melted cheese and often a fried egg sitting happily on top — which are adored by my children when I can be bothered to make them. (Children properly conceived through the offices of two legitimate heterosexual relationships, incidentally.) Vegan restaurants are springing up all over the place and populated by the usual stinking deviants. On this issue, as on so many other issues concerning normalcy and decency, London is a lost cause — but at least we might fight to preserve the proper standards in further-flung and still pristine capital cities, such as Tbilisi and Yerevan and Baku.

The Café Kiwi denounced the protest as ‘an anti-vegan provocative action’ and the work of ‘neo-Nazis’. Hmmm. I think you’ll find old Adolf would have been a contented patron of your establishment and that half of the Waffen SS were as bent as a Weimar Republic 1921 Deutschmark.

But that’s by the by. If you want to know the truth, I didn’t actually attend the protest at Café Kiwi — I just dreamed that I had. But the demo really did take place and they really did throw sausages at the vegans and accuse them of being gay or foreign or both. If only we had that sort of contretemps over here. It would make a change, no?

Our concerns are instead more righteous and serious. For example, the Labour party’s investigation into anti-Semitism within its ranks is being prosecuted with enormous rigour and probity. This much is immediately evident by Labour’s decision to reinstate party activist Jackie Walker, who had said that ‘Jews’ financed the slave trade. And then she added that black people were undergoing a holocaust right now, a consequence of horrid western imperialism, whereas the Jews weren’t, OK?

This appalling, thick-as-mince, racist hag had initially been suspended by Labour for what were clearly anti-Semitic remarks — but because she is a leading member of the Momentum cadre which took the party over with Jeremy Corbyn’s elevation to leadership, she has been given a clean bill of health. Yay, root those Jew-haters out, Jeremy!

Meanwhile, the Labour group on Birmingham City Council has appointed a chap called Waseem Zaffar to oversee equality and diversity in the city. Waseem is a Muslim and has described Israel as a ‘terrorist state’ and demanded that a local Labour MP, John Spellar, stand down because he is ‘a Zionist’, i.e. he thinks Israel has a right to exist.

Waseem, who has been bunged an MBE somewhere along the way, was apparently also a bigamist. He divorced his first wife by sending a letter to her in the post, in the time-honoured Islamic manner, saying ‘Get thee hence, besom!’ three times, although this has no legal force in our country, yet. And then he married some foxy (insofar as it was possible to tell) Islamic babe, while his first wife was still wondering what to write by way of reply. Yes, there you have the mindset of the present Labour party — the people who they believe are definitely not anti-Semitic. Jackie Walker — evil Jews ran the slave trade — and Waseem Zaffar — Israel has no right to exist.

You can expect the Labour MP Naz Shah to be cleared pretty soon, given that she has now said she is terribly sorry, up to a point, Lord Copper. Naz had said that a perfectly good solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict would be to ‘relocate’ Israel to the middle of the United States of America. ‘Problem solved!’ she tweeted. She was suspended, but don’t expect that to last very long. Vicki Kirby, another activist with a colossal IQ, was suspended for saying, among other things, that Jews had ‘big noses’. She was reinstated — and then suspended again. But she’ll be back soon too, I would reckon.

At the moment, the Labour party — led by a man who calls the deeply anti–Semitic terrorist group Hamas his ‘friends’ — has suspended perhaps 18 people in the row over anti-Semitic comments. Jeremy Corbyn has said himself that anti-Semitism is not ‘a huge problem’ within the party. Following which analysis, he then appointed the not noticeably Jewish Shami Chakrabarti to lead the investigation into anti-Semitism within the addled ranks of his Momentum supporters and Muslim councillors.

I am one of the 18 still suspended, for having attempted to explain where Labour’s anti-Semitism came from — to wit, the infantile and sometimes fascistic white liberals who comprise Momentum and loathe Israel perhaps as an adjunct to loathing the West, and from Labour’s growing Muslim membership, many of whom simply hate Jews, full stop.

It is not remotely a serious investigation. Nor could it ever be, because — as Douglas Murray has pointed out — the very top of the Labour party is now comprised of people who support Muslim terrorist attacks upon Israel and, further, equate Jews with capitalism and in particular western capitalism. Oh, and they also have big noses, of course. Perhaps we should fling sausages at them.