James Delingpole

Ten resolutions as I stare my 50th birthday in the face

If all goes according to plan, the next 50 years will pass much more smoothly

18 July 2015

9:00 AM

18 July 2015

9:00 AM

Very soon now I shall reach my half-century. I would have preferred to keep the horror a secret but there’s no point. My stock-in-trade as a me-journalist is: everything — good and bad. Also, I have a Wikipedia entry and, perhaps worse, a Facebook page which announces to the world how old you are — and you wake up to find hundreds of people you scarcely know wishing you Happy Birthday, and you’re expected to be gracious about it: like, thanks for reminding me, you’re too kind.

Anyway, I thought that now I’m old and wise I’d make some resolutions. Perhaps they’ll help the next 50 years to pass more smoothly than the first.

1. Be nice. I was watching Rupert Soames at Glastonbury. What an operator. Everyone he meets he makes feel special, wanted, like he’s really interested in them. I’m sure in his case it’s breeding and natural charm but even if you just wanted to deploy it as a cynical tactic it still makes sense. Friendships are enhanced; enemies are disarmed. And I’m sure it works on a karmic level too: as you sow, so shall you reap.

2. Read the small print. All the most successful people I know do so, with the rigour of lawyers. I’m the opposite. Big mistake. Bigger than you could possibly imagine — unless, of course, like me you’re one of those people who never reads the small print.


3. Funny is money. Fact: as Ricky Gervais channelling David Brent might say. I’ve got this new project I’m working on where the rule I’ve made with my partner is: ‘Every time it’s a toss up between making a serious point or going for the joke always go for the joke.’ There are sound reasons for this, as I’ll explain at greater length another time. But look, it’s not an adamantine rule. I’ve broken in it in this column and it’s not like my career has been ruined, is it?

4. Do more fox hunting. I know I keep banging on about this but here’s the deal: if you were suddenly to find a hobby which combined the buzz of class A drugs, the adrenaline rush of a second world war dogfight, in outfits by Beau Brummel, on an incredible leaping beast on the same trip as you, while totally pissed, at the most convivial and glamorous party since the Duchess of Richmond’s ball, in country as magnificent as God has ever devised, why on earth would you not want to do it all the time?

5. Never forget that the best things in life are free. This isn’t actually true by the way. Kids, for example, are incredibly expensive. So are skiing holidays. So is foxhunting. But a week in La Gomera is still pretty reasonable. And bridge, provided you don’t play for money unless you’re Susanna Gross. And long country walks with the dog. And swims in the Wye. And holidays in Salcombe in my Uncle Perce’s apartment. And books, especially out-of-copyright classics. So yeah.

6. Get my teeth done. When I was younger, with beautiful golden shoulder-length hair and a motorbike, I could get away with it. Not any more. I look like shit and the terrible teeth are the thing you notice. Problem is, I gather it’s hideously expensive and the best things in life as we know are free. Any suggestions? Is there some Eastern European country that does deals?

7. Worry less. Of all my resolutions this is by far the least achievable. Every second I’m not worrying about money I’m worrying about my health. Unless, of course, I’ve got some pressing distraction which temporarily worries me more than either the money one or the health one. It’s not going to get any easier over my next half-century, is it, as my earnings power diminishes and all those imaginary tumours start metastasising into real ones?

8. Become immortal. All the world’s great religions — the lesser ones too, probably — are about finding a way to deal with the inevitability of death. I don’t honestly think it matters which one you choose, or whether you simply prefer to cherry-pick the best bits and make up one of your own. Ultimately they’re about transcending the corporeal through meditation, prayer, ritual, acts of devotion, posters of fluffy kittens that say: ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life.’ I hear heroin’s pretty good too.

9. Face it, you’re stuffed. Apparently — I forget where I read this, possibly someone famous said it — the career you’re doing at 50 is the one with which you’re stuck. Pity. I still think I could have made a bloody good hedge fund manager, once I’d worked out what it is hedge fund managers actually do. But I guess, fate having decided otherwise, the thing to do is to go for plan B, stick to my knitting, hammer the journo/writer/broadcaster/minor celebrity thing and see if I can’t do it properly now that I’ve run out of all the other options/found my true purpose. I’ve tried and failed at lots of stuff in my time but the one thing I’ve discovered I’m amazingly good at, better than anyone else in the world in fact, is being James Delingpole. Question is: how big’s the market?

10. Stop trying to save the world. There’s a reason why revolutionaries are always young. Because only the young are naive enough to think they can change anything and arrogant enough to imagine that their proposed solution will really be any improvement on what has gone before. Don’t get me wrong: I know I’m right on loads of stuff. But I also know that Frodo Baggins, Harry Potter and Neo are all fictional characters. We’d all like to be The One. Turns out none of us is.

Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

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Show comments
  • bufo75

    “Worry less” !
    Good idea, why don’t you try it ?

  • laurence

    ‘the adrenaline rush of a second world war dogfight’. Yes, quite right. Brave young men, often outnumbered and frequently outgunned defending this country against a powerful foe, taking to the skies with no certainty of return: that’s certainly akin to fox hunting. Perhaps if the fox could fight back or you were ever in some danger then your comparison might be a teensy weensy bit tolerable. In reality, Dellers, if you ever had a .303 round whiz by your ear, you’d soil your Hackett jodhpurs and run off to nanny.

    • Malcolm Stevas

      It’s commendable of James D and other Speccie journos to continue discussing foxhunting straightforwardly, or just alluding to in passing, as in this case. It’s just so numbingly predictable that such a normal, adult conversation should be interrupted by badly behaved children animal-lib zealots and their mindless, crass, balls-achingly repetitive whinges like this one. A “.303 round”? A few decades out of date.

      • laurence

        Goodness. It didn’t take you long to construct a straw man. I could not give a rat’s touchie whether you, Dellers, or any number of the chin-bereft want to devote time to hunting foxes, guinea pigs or rampaging field mice. Carry on. If you re-read my comment, I think it reasonably apparent that my objection was to Dellers comparing his fox-hunting exploits to being a fighter pilot. Fox-hunting might, for you and Delingpole, be great fun but it is not heroic, noble, self-sacrificing, fraught with danger and in the service of some greater common good.

        .303? Quick guide. Standard ammunition of British forces during the second world war. You know, the war Dellers mentions? Replaced by the NATO 7.62 hard ball cartridge which if you do the conversion equates to 0.08mm off .303. Standard NATO battle rifles now fire 5.56 hard ball, 7.62 being considered too much fire-power during the cold war, Now, however, squad support weapons, necessary in longer range gunfights with the Taliban, fire 7.62 rounds. .303 ammunition survives in many variants. Tally Ho.

        • Malcolm Stevas

          No, it’s “reasonably apparent” that your quibble was unreasonable. He’s a journo: he wrote it quickly, for an effect, it’s not actually meant to be taken to heart. He doesn’t actually believe hunting is like flying a fighter. He was being figurative.
          My remark about your antiquated mention of “.303” was made precisely because I know what it is – or was, since it dates to the late 19thC when it was originally a black powder then cordite round… I used to own a No4Mk2 myself and handloaded .303 using Greek HXP brass, nice old thing if somewhat primitive, good in the hands of a skilled rifleman but we really should have used a decent semi-auto battle rifle in WW2 like the Americans, Germans, Japanese…
          I’ve also fired thousands of rounds of 7.62, 5.56mm and its civilian .223 counterpart.
          But if I mistakenly labelled you as one of the mindless sabs/antis, apologies…

          • Jay Igaboo

            I trained on SLRs, I’ve also used SA80s and a Di Marcos in 5.56, but I knew many men who had used the Lee Enfield and the SLR ( I never had, I’d have loved to just to satisfy my curiosity) and they absolutely swore by the old Lee Enfield for reliability and accuracy, and a skilled operator could put down a surprisingly rapid rate of fire.
            I have to say, I’ve shot some weapons in the past few years with optics that enable accuracy that is superb, even though I am now obliged to shoot of my left shoulder using my left, non-master eye.

          • Admiral Vincent Smyth Obleson

            So a journalist can write any old nonsense, even make it up, as long as it is hurried and done for effect.

          • Malcolm Stevas

            Infantile. You really are declining, if that were possible.

        • Jay Igaboo

          “7.62 being considered too much fire-power during the cold war”…wrong- it was better for the mostly long range engagements of the Cold War, and it should not have been replaced by the 5.56 which was the round eventually favoured by the Septics because they were doing most of their fighting in Vietnam.
          The 7.62 (0.300”) is a stopper, and British practice in my army days was not to waste ammunition by unncessarily hosing an area, but use economical well-placed shots, a well justified philosophy IMO, particularly for troops such as Airborne or SF who more than most, cannot rely ona timely re-sup.
          I watched a prog made about two years after the Falklands which involved the RM Mountain and Arctic Warfare Cadre (MLs) Who had fought a battle with Argentinian SF at Top Malo house. Their Sgt McLean had put six 5.56 from his Armelite into an Argentinian who took all six but who still manged to hit Sgt McLean with one before he died.
          Sgt McLean, who survived, was taken out of the fight immediately due to the weight of the round,
          BTW, the rounds coming the way of battle of britain pilots wouldn’t have been .303 s either, they have been 20mm cannon shells, God help anyone catching that anywhere, and 7.92mm, big enough to make your eyes water if you copped one,
          🙂

          • patrickirish

            The great and shameful tragedy is that it was with .303 that fighter pilots and bomber gunners faced off against German cannon shells. Similar to they way the assassins of Heydrich were sent in with a Sten that jammed, or in Korea sub machine bullets that could not penetrate Chinese winter clothing, or weapons that bounced off German armour etc etc. what were they thinking?

          • Jay Igaboo

            It’s easy to criticise kit, and squaddies often do, but many. many compromises that are invisible or seem irrelevant to the poor Joe at the sharp end have to be made in procurement before deciding what to equip with.
            Some are good decisions, some are poor decisions, and some are absolutely terrible. The Sten, for example, was a very cheap and easily manufactured weapon for house or trench clearing, with a tendency to fire when you didn’t want it to and not to fire when you did, but properly cleaned and handled it did the job. It’s German opposite number was expensive, over-engineered and prone to jams because of its accurate machining tolerances- the slightest ingress of dirt caused problems. The Soviet equivalent, the PPSH, was manufactured coarsely, and the big clearances didn’t mind a bit of dirt.
            I would have thought your comment on Korea complete BS, had I not been told 4o years ago by a very proficient, experienced an no-bullshit soldier that when he was fighting the Mau Mau in Kenya, they ( the Mau Mau) were not taken out of the fight when shot at 100m or so because they socking wet wore old British army greatcoats when attacking.
            I wouldn’t like to be the crash test dummy for an experiment for that theory, though.

          • Thersites

            “Never forget that your rifle was made by the company that submitted the lowest tender.”

          • Jay Igaboo

            I note your post is in inverted commas -is this a quote by someone?
            If it refers to my old FN, it doesn’t bother me, for in its time, well trained troops could use it to good effect, and it’s weight didn’t bother me, and it WAS a stopper.
            I saw Mexican marines with them in ’78, they had a 30-round mag and a change lever for full auto– I’d have liked that even better, especially with a Trilux sight.

      • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

        Fox-hunting is a sick anachronism. It has had its day, passed the tipping point, with76% of the public opposed to it. Consigned now to history like bear-baiting and cock-fighting, burning witches and the slave trade.
        As we modernise and civilise we need to end barbaric practice’s like this, and I do mean barbaric as in undertaken by barbarians, we need to drag you backward people into the civilised World in spite of your vitriol and pomposity. We need to tolerate you, but we need not tolerate your shabby little bloodlust.

        • Malcolm Stevas

          Actually, Bazzer, impartial observers would rather favour your own excitable communications over mine, in the vitriol department.
          Your absurd hyperbole, the extremities of your language (coupled amusingly with your trademark misuse of apostrophes and your misunderstanding of “barbaric”), together with your transparently illiberal references to supposed majority opinion (we don’t actually run things according to a crude tyranny of the majority, in a free society) merely underline your status as a whinging backroom Lefty to whom no-one will ever pay serious attention.

          • Mike

            Why oh why is anybody that comes out against fox hunting immediately labelled “a lefty”? I’m not a lefty and fox hunting disgusts me. And what may I ask is wrong with a persons politics being left of centre?

          • Malcolm Stevas

            Sorry, but I’d suggest confidently that most of the hard-core mouth-frothing antis are indeed Leftists – it’s part of their baggage. Sorry if I’ve maligned you.
            What’s “wrong”? Leftists are illiberal, collectivist, authoritarian, economically illiterate people who have failed to learn anything from the 20thC’s ghastly history of Socialist bloodshed and economic lunacy.

          • blandings

            “And what may I ask is wrong with a persons politics being left of centre?”
            If you are not a lefty then I am surprised that you have to ask

          • Dogsnob

            Your questions are themselves a very concise display of vicarious leftiness.

          • Mike

            I would suggest that your chosen moniker is more indicative of your brain function than anything else.

          • Admiral Vincent Smyth Obleson

            I don’t know. Admirals are pretty cool

          • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

            Neither am I a lefty. I am Mebyon Kernow.

          • diqi

            “Mebyon Kernow is
            a progressive left-of-centre party in Cornwall” From your own website, note the “left-of-centre” words which indicates that you are, actually, a lefty.

          • Mickey_disqus

            You write like an undergraduate with his first thesaurus.

          • Malcolm Stevas

            Rather a lot of editors I’ve worked with would find your snotty assertion puzzling and laughable, sunshine.

          • Yvonne Stuart-Hargreaves

            You’ve eaten a dictionary Malcy, only you failed to read it before you started vomiting words back out.

          • Malcolm Stevas

            Hard to believe but you’re actually getting worse, as shown by this embarrassingly schoolboyish remark.

          • Admiral Vincent Smyth Obleson

            Bazzer?

          • Malcolm Stevas

            Yvonne if you prefer, or if you’ve changed sex.

        • Jay Igaboo

          “Consigned now to history like bear-baiting and cock-fighting, burning witches and the slave trade.”………..in the UK perhaps but the latter two still flourish in Muslim-infested lands,
          Cock fighting is common in the Far East (at least) and no doubt other places.
          If foxes need culled, IMO it should only be by a bullet or heavy gauge shot if sufficiently close, and only when a quick kill is certain, however I feel that most farmers or gamekeepers would take a dubious shot on spec anyway, as a badly wounded fox likely to die eventually and is less likely to prey successfully on their stock or game.
          It could thus be argued that a fox painfully killed is more than offset in terms of animal welfare because it will not have killed other animals.

          • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

            I’m talking about civilised modern countries, not mediaeval theocracies. Perhaps Malcy could go and breed some desert foxes and chase them about on a camel. He certainly gets the hump when you oppose his childish bloodlust hobby.

        • Ed_Burroughs

          Is this really a matter for the public? I think not. Since there was a time when a goodly number of people were pro witch-burning.

          • Admiral Vincent Smyth Obleson

            No. I’m just teasing the thickos. England never burned witches, Europe did. The Scots burned witches but the English preferred to hang them, witches and Scots that is.

    • Ed Seyfried

      Of course those brave young men to whom you refer when they saw an enemy bomber or fighter shouted ‘Tally Ho!’ A hunting cry; for some reason they didn’t shout ‘who’d like a tofu burger with their green tea”. Funny that.

      • Ed Seyfried

        moreover of course Lord Wellington insisted that his cavalry officers hunted, so I don’t know where your chippy little attitude has come from but I suspect somewhat more rear echelon than tooth

      • james dunn

        Hi Ed, I met you in Melbourne, at that party house in South Yarra where Mack and Annabel and Emma lived. Nice to see you fighting the good fight. I am not a hunter, my only dog in this fight is that I don’t believe that my not liking something other people do is good enough reason to have it banned.

        • Ed Seyfried

          Hey James – Apologies only just see this – how nice to hear from you again, those were heady and fun days!! I’m on Facebook -look me up!! best wishes Ed

      • Mickey_disqus

        “Funny that”

        How is that odd? They were hunting something. A hunting cry seems appropriate.

      • Wishiwasborninthe50s

        Oh yawn. You need to get over your hero worship of the past and lose the Clarkson stereotyping. It’s awfully lazy. And it makes you appear really, really unable to counter with anything but ad hom.

        • Ed Seyfried

          As far as I’m aware it is impossible to ‘hero worship… the past’, semantically or otherwise. And as far as ‘ad hominem’ goes, coming from you that is what experts call ‘psychological projection’ but I’ll go further: your reasoning (and that is flattering you) throughout this debate have been flawed and conflated, based on ignorance, class hatred and bigotry. I’ve taken the time to discredit all of your arguments resulting in your being reduced to cheap personal insults and traducement. I’ve met Clarkson and don’t like him.

          • Wishiwasborninthe50s

            Ha! Was that a case of what the professionals call ‘self hatred’ (oft linked to an inferiority complex)? I’ll go further too in that case: your reasoning is based entirely on a wistful, rose coloured view of the past and an overly romantic, idealistic and dogmatic desire to portray in a binary way that which you value positively whilst ignoring any and all empirical evidence to the contrary.
            Ever seen the character ‘Major Misunderstanding’ in Viz? That’s you that is! I have resorted to insults because, having attempted to debate fact and being countered with lazy stereotyping and smearing (which is entirely a figment of your own ridiculously biased worldview) every time, I’ve realised that there is no point and that you are either a troll or a very odd character who resorts to screeching ‘Communist’ at any who question your narrow minded views.
            And I’m right wing actually.

          • Ed Seyfried

            You may think you are right wing but you are no libertarian, rather you are an authoritarian: I must lead my life to your [dubious] standards – and we all know where right wing authoritarianism leads: remind me which was the first nation to ban foxhunting?
            Your attempt at psychological profiling is pathetically manufactured and simplistic; “‘self hatred’ (oft linked to an inferiority complex)” you made that up! So your argument is now utterly debased and fabricated. Hunting is not cruel, which is precisely what Lord Burns reported to the houses of Parliament – bad luck go and indulge your prejudices elsewhere.
            Finally I am clearly not a troll as debate under my own name and stand by what I argue – you mask yourself like the poisonous balaclavered ne’er-do-wells who threaten small children in the fields every winter.

          • Wishiwasborninthe50s

            “Lead my life”..er, no. Hysterical hyperbole. Simply refrain from using a wild quarry whilst hunting because that ‘quarry’ also has an interest not to be used for your entertainment. Nothing more. Live quarry which volunteers (ie human runner)- not one person would object to.
            And you are wrong: self hatred is a recognised phenomenon amongst mental health professionals which lies beneath many ‘disorders’ such as BDD. It is often linked to an inferiority complex as stated. Hunting is cruel-it has been proven to be cruel scientifically using tissue and blood samples from hunted animals but a modicum of common sense will usually suffice for the majority to recognise it is primarily a pastime which can only be justified by an honest man with the admission of pure self interest for himself and a total disregard for his unfortunate quarry.
            Lastly, it didn’t even occur to me to use my own name when I created this account: I socialise in person rather than online so have no need to be identified. That doesn’t mean I don’t stand by my views in the real world: I would say exactly the same to your face. Having recently joined twitter and being sent photos of mangled fox cubs accomapanied by gloating text telling how they suffered before death and how much the individual writing was looking forward to torturing cubs this coming season confirmed that making myself anonymous to such warped individuals was a sensible precaution for the safety of my own family and pets. It is disturbing enough encountering such individuals virtually.

  • James Mitchinson

    An English-speaking dental clinic in Budapest will sort your teeth out for around 30% of the cost of a UK dentist.

    • Richard Eldritch

      Using fresh teeth prised from the mouths of African asylum seekers no doubt…..

      • Jay Igaboo

        Nice to see that they’re actually benefiting some of us a little.

  • Malcolm Stevas

    Don’t be defeatist, James – I turned my career around at 50 and it worked out rather well. Worry less? That’s a tough one… Teeth? If you come across any good dentists who are also affordable, like the Budapest guys mentioned by another commenter, give us the contact details. Foxhunting? Good for you: if any sabs or other creeps get in your way, ride right over ’em.

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      At least he admits it is expensive, unlike the pro -hunt twits who insist it is full of the rural working class. What an utter twerp to say he should do more fox -hunting. Appalling , crass arrogance .Plain stupid. You would ride over people would you Malcy?

      • Malcolm Stevas

        Not as a general rule, Bazzer, no – but I’d ride over you and your dimwit hunt-sab loser friends. I mean, no great loss.

      • Ed Seyfried

        You can hunt for free on foot; you can hunt with a stable of 25 hunters and staff. Or you can find anywhere in between suit your budget. Why do you even have an opinion over something you clearly know so little about?

        • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

          I lived in an East Devon farming village to age 22. I was blooded and hauled around with the chinless toffs from the age of 5. I saw this hideous uncivilised pursuit first hand. I am like the vegetarian butcher. I know all I need to form by opinion of these oafs.

          • Ed Seyfried

            you just don’t like people

      • blandings

        ” You would ride over people would you Malcy?”
        To be honest, you do make it very tempting

  • The_greyhound

    The rubbish about fox hunting reflects very badly on delingpole. An honourable man doesn’t behave dishonourably, even to a beast.

  • davidshort10

    JD has ever been one to hide his age. He mentions it a lot in his columns. The subject matter is so similar I suggest the Speccie renames his column ‘Middle Life’ or ‘Mid Life’. Toby Young writes about this a bit. Hard enough to admit being left behind a long way financially by your Oxbridge pals but must be even harder to have to earn a living by it in a declining trade.

  • justlookin

    Well fcuk me, you don’t look 49 at all, Dellers.
    What went wrong – did your drug dealer in the uni days not supply quality?

    • Yvonne Stuart-Hargreaves

      He looks about 63.

  • Osmund Bullock

    Oh, come on, Delingpole. I’m 14 years older than you, and an IT dinosaur, but it’s not hard to find out how to block your birthday and/or year from view on Facebook.

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much…go on, admit it, you just love all those unsolicited birthday wishes – it gives you something else to huff and puff about publicly while secretly feeling rather flattered.

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    I notice the Spectator isn’t reporting the verdict and sentence of the Oskar Groening trial. Presumably this esteeming publication doesn’t want to provide a forum for those critical of Israel and Jews in general, and specifically the extreme vindictiveness of the Holocaust industry. Because Israel’s excesses in Gaza mean the notion that the Authorised version of the Holocaust was somewhat exaggerated is likely to gain traction.
    So the next time you find yourself experiencing writer’s block, James, here’s a topic to get your teeth into.
    Jack, the Japan Alps Brit

  • Jay Igaboo

    I don’t like foxhunting at all, foxes needing culled can be lamped and shot, but I like they sanctimonious, hate-filled sabs even less. They seem to be motivated more by a class hatred of the huntsmen than concern for Reynard.

    • pobjoy

      Isn’t hunting founded on class hatred?

  • Johnny Foreigner

    What, not take back control of Breitbart then? The only right of centre mouth piece gathering any sort of momentum in the whole of the UK, there is no longer any mainstream newspaper, worth reading, let alone trust. Fox hunting then, O dear?

    • colleenaplin

      Point 10 probably explains some incompatibility with Breitbart,
      perhaps wanting to withdraw from intense battles now. This kind of place is likely more compatible.

  • John Emsley

    Hi. Felt just the same way at that stage in my life (26 years ago). Happy Birthday-it is a new beginning. For the teeth-Budapest-go on line. Forget D&T……….

  • Sean L

    That photo is as good a defence of hunting as you’ll get. Look at the joy in those dogs! – how could anyone be so heartless as to deprive them of doing what they were born to do? It’s a great sport, hunting. Anyone who calls himself an animal lover ought to stick up for it. Those dogs are predatory pack animals, no less than ourselves, however domesticated. Nothing brings man and beast closer than the hunt. And anyone who risks life and limb getting on a horse chasing the pack has more than earned the right to waste a few foxes. But please don’t give up on the global warming. I thought that was a cause you’d made your own. The me stuff in comparison is a bit of a w*nk in my opinion.

    • Happy wanking then, Sean.

      • blandings

        C!
        Decided not to read the rest.

        • Hiya!

          • blandings

            Hi!
            Just come back from the village fete.
            I’m a tad merry.
            Agreed to make a regular contribution to the upkeep of our church – well it is beautiful and Nicola can be very compelling and us men can get our heads turned very easily by a pretty face.
            Bought a sea-fishing rod and reel – Not sure it will work.
            Admired the village classic car collection – must join in!

          • Sounds great fun! I hear that mackerel are easy to catch and they’re tasty if you know how to cook ’em. I love vintage cars and there’s no doubt you should have one. I do think you needed a hard negotiator on your side though, contributing to the church funds. You need a deal whereby you contribute every month and THEY contribute to your car fund bi-monthly.

          • blandings

            Mackerel are delicious -if very fresh
            I will have to hire you as my negotiator.

          • Anything for a friend.

          • Jackthesmilingblack

            Mackerel, good brain food.

  • trace9

    Chickens come home to roost
    But they won’t give You a boost..

  • Giuseppe Cappa

    For a moment I thought I had ended up inadvertently in the “women” section of the pol. corr. Telegraph.

  • pobjoy

    How much did that photo cost? I don’t mean the price of the digital camera, or the pro photographer’s fee. I mean the cost of the dude’s attire, the cost of the hounds, the cost of the concomitant horses. Never mind the liquid restoratives.

    Give me a ball park figure.

  • Landphil

    Subscribe to Saga magazine
    Go on a Viking River cruise
    Take out more insurance
    Buy a nose and ear hair clipper
    Worry more

    • Harry Pond

      And buy some ‘slacks’.

  • Abie Vee

    The condensed version: You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it […]

  • aspeckofboggart

    Give up 4, get 6 and 7. Class should start with a decent set of teeth.

  • Precambrian

    “I gather it’s hideously expensive [to get your teeth done]. Any suggestions?”

    I find it hard to believe there isn’t a queue offering to remove them for free…

    “Stop trying to save the world.”

    Indeed. They like to think they are Frodo. The truth is more of them are Anakin Skywalker.

  • ohforheavensake

    What about- stop being a right-wing troll?
    Or- Study some actual science?
    Or- Shut up?

  • Richard Eldritch

    11 setting fire to Yasmin Alibaba Browns hair?

  • Shorne

    Well at least there’s an insight into the real people go hunting, none of the usual garbage about ‘efficient organic pest control that is best for the foxes’ welfare’ and similar, they go because they enjoy it.

    • pobjoy

      They hunt for the sake of being seen hunting.

      • Shorne

        Good point.

  • Done fifty, James, and it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. A good excuse to drop some quality booze, though.

    Agree with most of your points. You can change careers after fifty (I’m in the process right now) but don’t expect a long one. Antonio Stradivari built most of his best violins between the ages of 70 and 90, but he’d been a luthier all his life.

    You’re not American or Australian, so get your teeth done in India. I do know one very good British dentist, but I won’t recommend him, as he says he loathes you. You’d end up like this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xBJERznOgA

    Oh yes, and kill foxes. Kill them all.

    Many happy returns.

  • TruckinMack

    My career at 57 is running to a close. I’m looking intently at my next one, be it research, writing, or piecemealing a hodge-podge of part time jobs (and probably all three).

    Meanwhile, with my kids grown and gone and my house paid for, I’m spending my free time prepping for a variety of 5K’s, 10K’s, half marathons, sprint Tri’s and Olympic Tri’s… not to forget sampling a wide variety of scotch and fine cigars.

    I delayed gratification my whole life. Now I am fulfilling gratification.

  • Mnestheus

    A Third Resolution : Whenever Dellers feels the urge to write about science , he should instead saddle up and ride four miles at the gallop, lest he again end up looking like the wrong end of his horse.

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