Rod Liddle

My new plan: let’s pay people benefits for not moving here

Another couple of wonderful Islamic discoveries really have me thinking

30 May 2015

9:00 AM

30 May 2015

9:00 AM

Yet another exciting discovery from the world of Islamic science. As you are probably aware, Islamic culture has always paid a high regard to science and Muslims will tell you proudly that they invented absolutely nothing. That is, they have provided the world with the mathematical representation of absolutely nothing, what we now know as zero. Where would we be without nothing? In the tenth century the scholar Muhammad ibn Ahmad al-Khwarizmi decided that it would be useful to draw a little circle to signify zero if you were doing some complex calculation. He called it sifr. There is some dispute as to whether this really was the first time anyone had recognised the existence of nothing, because the Sumerians may have stumbled across the now-familiar lacuna many thousands of years before Mohammed — the other Mohammed, the really famous one whose image we must not depict for fear of instant decapitation — existed.

But it is churlish to carp and quibble, I think. They want the possession of nothing, I think we should let them keep it. Anyway, that was all a very long time ago — but still Islamic culture keeps giving and will not rest upon its laurels. Just this week, for example, the Turkish Muslim scholar and evangelist Mücahid Cihad Han announced on television that people who masturbate will end up with pregnant hands. I don’t think there is much doubt that Islamic culture is the first to come up with this discovery; I have done my research and can reveal that the Sumerians, for example, thought onanism a perfectly respectable practice and quite undeserving of censure or likely to result in appalling consequences. So this is an incontestable first, and a rather worrying discovery at that. Because let’s be honest — none of us want pregnant hands. It would be a terrible encumbrance, especially if you were trying to tie your shoelaces or endeavouring to put up a flat-pack bookshelf in the spare bedroom. You would find it awfully difficult to grip the shoelace, or the Allen Key, with your palms bulging out all over the place.

Mücahid — whose pronouncements I will in future follow with great interest — suggests that the pregnant hands will complain to God about their rights, and that self–abusers will be forced to pay for the upkeep of their hand-begotten children when, through whatever rather odd process, they emerge. Given this new information, I would strongly urge you to desist from masturbation. Take a shower or go for a brisk walk instead. Or better still, read Gordon Brown’s 2010 collection of speeches, The Change We Choose, which will dull your sexual appetite to many, many degrees below absolute zero. You will never want to fiddle with yourself again after reading that. Or indeed with anyone else.


We underestimate this culture at our peril. There is a charity in east London called Families for Survival UK which does a lot of work attempting to alleviate poverty in the Islamic state of Bangladesh. One of its directors, a lady called Asma Khanam, is accused of having taken this poverty–alleviation business a little too far. She has been arrested — along with 12 other people — for allegedly operating a scam whereby Bangladeshi migrants, holding EU passports and a whole bunch of forged documents, drop into the UK for one day in order to claim a vast amount of various welfare benefits. For themselves and their wives and their children. Hundreds and hundreds of Bangladeshis, according to the police; they swing by the UK, trouser the benefits and then skedaddle on the first available flight back to Italy — where one assumes they further alleviate their poverty by claiming the statutory benefits there.

I ought to point out that there is not the slightest suggestion that Families For Survival UK itself was involved in this criminal operation, either officially or on an ad-hoc capacity, notwithstanding the fact that its offices were searched and a lot of computers and documents taken away for examination. A total of five organisations in the London and Essex area are alleged to have provided the Bangladeshis with fraudulent documentation which would help them to obtain taxpayers’ money.

The authorities were alerted when a significant number of Bangladeshis arrived from Italy armed with letters to attend job interviews in London, the better to obtain National Insurance numbers — but with return air tickets for the same day. Some bogus wage slips were also discovered. This is supposedly the biggest scam of its kind ever discovered — and one’s first reaction is an intense annoyance, a sort of seething rage, that these people are going to be getting our money without even having to live in this increasingly absurd country. That, I would have thought, is the very least they might do as a form of recompense — share in the national misery which the rest of us are forced to endure. But not on your life: a quick visit, and off they go with the cash.

I suppose one could see these people as the sort of flip-side, negative image, of the famous non-doms — those people who are content to live here but prefer to pay their taxes in countries with a slightly lower top rate. The awful people who Ed Miliband decided to persecute in order to soar to victory with the popular support of the people on 7 May. By contrast, this lot have no intention of living here, but they are keen on our largesse. I wonder which group you would prefer to take out for dinner at The Ivy?

As it happens, I’m slightly conflicted on this story. The press has reacted with outrage that these people spend only 24 hours in Britain yet still coin it. By contrast, I am rather happy that they do not intend to live here. If we could spend a similar amount of money paying some other Muslim immigrants not to come here, I think it would be financially and socially worth our while. Bung them a few million quid and hope to Christ they stay in Italy.

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Show comments
  • Harryagain

    Dunno, The ancient Iraqis were doing well at one point
    Called Babylonians/Assyrians then.
    Invented everything from solicitors to accountants.
    Even astronomy.
    Going great guns they were until Islam came along.
    After that nothing.

    • Robbydot1

      As always.

    • Every Muslim country in the world was more advanced before the arrival of Islam.

    • WTF

      And then along came Islam !

    • Jeffrey Vernon

      The Babylonians were conquered about a thousand years before Mohamed by the Persians. It’s because of this that the Jews in Babylon were able to return to Israel in the 6th century BC.

      • Harryagain

        The Persians also were doing well until Islam came along.

        • Jeffrey Vernon

          Indeed they were – so well that in 614 the Persians conquered Jerusalem. This made it much easier for the muslims to overrun it (in an alliance with the local jews) a few years later.

  • MikeF

    Ah yes what we call ‘arabic numerals’ seem to have spread gradually westwards from somewhere possibly as far east as India but just how they developed into their present form does not seem at all clear. Someone in the early Islamic Middle East may well have been responsible for their refinement into what we would now recognise but that doesn’t mean their are in any sense ‘Islamic’ – after all that was such a wonderful diverse multicultural society that the actual individual could have been a Christian or a Jew…
    As for the hands – well surely all you have to do is take precautions by wearing rubbber gloves.
    Oh and my turn to say to you, Rod, that I hope you enjoy visiting all those wonderful little grounds you encounter in Division 1 next season. Gillingham shouldn’t be too far for you if you are living in Kent and they even have seats for the away fans these days.

    • global city

      Arab culture did bring about a lot of innovations, but then they went and invented Islam and everything came to a crashing halt. Same happened in Persia when they ‘imported’ the new idea, as happened in Pakistan and NW India….. all vibrant civilisations, brought to a juddering halt!

      • Shazza

        Guess which ‘vibrant civilisation’ is going to come to a ‘juddering halt’ soon.

        • vieuxceps2

          Ours?

      • edlancey

        “Arab culture did bring about a lot of innovations” !!!!

        Is that a joke? They invented nothing.

        Persians, Babylonians, Assyrians, Egyptians, etc. are NOT Arabs, although they have been so blunted by their successful colonisation by Islam (“Arab culture” in all its glory) that most of them think they are.

        Pre-Islam, they innovated, not Arabs. Islam destroys.

        • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

          Neither are Turks.

        • global city

          Pre-Islamic is the world that I described. I also listed those other civilisations that are clearly not Arab, but that have been sullied by Islam.

          Pre-Islamic Arabs invented lots of things, though they actually did not invent the concept of zero!

          • rightrightright

            What did pre-Islamic Arabs invent?

          • Icebow

            Islam.

          • rightrightright

            Only sort of true, IB. Islam is a bowdlerised mish-mash of Judaism and Christianity.

            So what did they invent?

          • Icebow

            Little of note, I suppose, and anyway I don’t care.

          • Bonkim

            Al Gebra

          • Zululi

            …..Alcohol (al kahl)

          • Bonkim

            Good – you have to learn something new every day. Alchemie – and the origins of Chemistry.

          • rightrightright

            http://www.algebra.com/algebra/about/history/

            Algebra was known to the ancient Egyptians and Babylonians, so neither a pre nor post Islam Arab discovery.

          • Bonkim

            Algebra (from Arabic al-jebr meaning “reunion of broken parts” Much early work in algebra, as the Arabic origin of its name suggests, was done in the Near East, by such mathematicians as Omar Khayyam (1048–1131). Whilst earlier philosophers from Greece, India and China may have dabbled in various forms of mathematics, the Arabs were the ones to set it out in a systematic way and apply to solve problems faced by the philosophers of the day and for navigation. which subsequently reached Europe during the Crusades and later contacts with the Arabs.

            Based on your reference ” This ancient knowledge of solutions of equations in turn found a home early in the Islamic world, where it was known as the “science of restoration and balancing.” (The Arabic word for restoration, al-jabru, is the root of the word algebra.) In the 9th century, the Arab mathematician al-Khwarizmiwrote one of the first Arabic algebras, a systematic exposé of the basic theory of equations, with both examples and proofs. By the end of the 9th century, the Egyptian mathematician Abu Kamil had stated and proved the basic laws and identities of algebra and solved such complicated problems as finding x, y, and z such that x + y + z = 10, x2 + y2 = z2, and xz =y2.”

            All sciences and technologies have evolved over time but certain individuals or groups triggered significant development due to prevailing circumstances – so AlGebra as we know today was given a boost by the Arabs (Islam or any other religion has nothing to do with learning) – note the Egyptiand and others in the region mentioned were later converted to Islam. Same story for Al-Chemie – or the science of chemistry that has its origins in medieval magic and alchemy – from contact with the Arab traders of the times. The Central Asian, Arab and Persian Empires were the superpowers of the dark and medieval period and kept various forms of learning, sciences and philosophies alive until the dawn of the European civilization in the 16th and 17th centuries which then took over. Give credit where it is due.

        • Icebow

          Daesh represents true Islam. Those who say it has nothing to do with Islam are lying, whether or not intentionally.

    • Damaris Tighe

      Tee hee, well spotted. Latex gloves are the obvious answer!

    • Bonkim

      The zero and decimal systems were Indian inventions – but I suppose philosophers of the ancient world had thought through similar concepts. Ancient Egyptians?Greeks had found working methods to work out the diameter of the earth well before modern astronomy and mathematics were developed.

  • Hippograd

    But without millions more Muslims, how are we going to find the next Sajid Javid for the Spectator to celebrate? He has finally justified the existence of Britain, and proves that mass immigration by his fellow persons of vibrancy must continue.

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      Islam gave us nothing. They invented nothing ,they discovered nothing and they gave the World nothing. They are proud of their association with nothing. Whenever nothing is considered we always defer to the Islamists.
      We can thank them for nothing and they will long be remembered for nothing.

      • John Andrews

        Be fair. Nobody has made better videos of people being burned alive.

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          • Damon

            Bloody Harriet Harman again. I wish she’d keep her advice to herself.

      • rightrightright

        They didn’t even give us nothing. It was pre-Islamically conquered India which came up with concept of zero. Islam merely looted the concept.

      • Sara Badawi

        sorry but this completely untrue lol

        • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

          I forgot to say that Islam has no sense of humour either. Backward in every sense.

          • vieuxceps2

            Your attempt at humour puts me in mind of the Latin “Parturiunt montes et mus nascitur”.

      • Sara Badawi

        this is just hyperbole with zero evidential backing

        • logdon

          Surely, sifr?

          Come on, keep up!

      • Bonkim

        Don’t be an idiot – It was Arab sea-faring and navigation skills that the Portuguese and Spanish adopted in discovering the New World. Much of later developments in chemistry and metal working were based on the Alchemists that were trying out various chemical reactions by trial and error. The Crusades exposed Europeans to the military, organisational and physical/chemical technologies prevalent at the time and which they successfully developed to expand their own Empires.

        The Central Asian Mongols, Persians and Arabs made up the super-power of the dark and Middle-Ages when Europeans were emerging from their tribal origins and devastated by another ignorant religion imported from the Middle East. The nomadic people of Central Asia and Middle East gave rise to Empires in Asia and also in present day Europe following the demise of the Roman Empire and up until the rise of Western (European powers in the last four centuries.

        It is all about Lifecycle of civilizations – nothing stands still and human development goes in cycles, some receding into backwardness – which the Islamic people certainly seem to be suffering from today.

        Religion was a handicap to progress in Europe as Islam is today for the backward people of the Middle East and Asia. It is true to say that the advent and spread of Islam particularly the backward Wahabi strain stunted development in the Middle East when Europe released from its own backward brand of Christianity took off and developed to make what the world is today.

        • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

          I am being ironic. I did not mention Arabs, I said Islam.
          I am using the received wisdom that Islam invented the number zero (probably pinched from the Hindus) and replacing it with the word nothing , for comic effect.
          Please do not lecture me on history as I have spent 40 years studying the subject

          • Bonkim

            No offence meant. Only commenting on the post not the person – the zero was invented centuries before Islam – and agree religions have arrested human thought and more often than not cause serious conflict. That goes for all religions of the world. The post-WW2 consensus on equality and brotherhood of man appears to have come to nought. The earth is grossly overpopulated and resources running out. Speedy travel and communications instead of bringing people together appear to have made the situation worse. Too much information and low levels of understanding or familiarity breeding contempt – make it what you wish.

            Mankind’s lifecycle appears to be in its closing years.

          • Jams O’Donnell

            You should have studied a bit harder, then.

          • Zululi

            its.

          • Jeffrey Vernon

            And the clue for the alert reader was in your final line, a kind of reductio ad absurdum – ‘without Islam, we’d have everything.’

      • Johnny Foreigner

        I think we can be proud of their contribution to the multicultural state of our nation, ask any Labour supporter. We are on our way to becoming a Rainbow Nation, we’ll be taking over the mantle from South Africa soon, look how well it’s going over there at the moment.

      • Jams O’Donnell

        Your ignorance is only equalled by your … oh, I give in – your ignorance is un-equalled.

  • FrankS2

    This pregnant hand business could be the child-seeking solution for wedded gays’ parental hopes.

    • Mr Grumpy

      Certainly a budget option for those who can’t afford the rent on a uterus.

  • Marcus

    I suspect that economically let alone socially, Rod’s argument is completely sound.

    • Robbydot1

      Certainly worth a try.

  • explain that

    I prefer paying subsidies to large landowners for not farming, ever larger sums to BTL landlords for providing housing to the impoverished and large sums to landowners and (foreign) corporations again to facilitate changes to the indigenous energy generation game.

    This will allow us not to create a large number of agricultural jobs, owner occupier ratios will drop, and people and their real communities being shut out of the profiteering game – so it’s all good.

    • van Lomborg

      Seven years on and this joke still works as ever. The thick remain thick.

  • weejonnie

    What was that about paying Danegeld again?

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      Danegeld was not very successful and only used 5 times between 991 and 1017.

      • vieuxceps2

        “Only used 5 times”-Ah, that’s all right then.

    • Icebow

      Perhaps we should have Muzzgeld, and I’m not talking money.

      • logdon

        Non alcoholic lager?

        Muzzgeld
        Refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach.

        • Icebow

          Well, that’s an idea, though I was thinking more removal of parts.

  • Andy Capp

    Just deport all illegals without compensation. But they won’t because Cameron is a closet Blairite and mass immigration suits his purposes.

    • rightrightright

      Paying them to stay away won’t work. Aethelred the Unready tried it, with the result that the Danes simply came back for the rest.

  • IainRMuir

    “Mücahid Cihad Han announced on television that people who masturbate will end up with pregnant hands”

    What, both?

    And does it mean that you can claim two sets of benefits?

    • Gilbert White

      Not if you put a French letter on each finger this has prevented me from conceiving ambidextrously. You could also try eating the goat containing the semen of the Jew this makes a good prophylaxis.

  • jim

    If we scrap the welfare state they will leave. They are here because we make it easy for them to be here. Make life more difficult and they will travel in search of easier pickins.

  • davidofkent

    I believe that we have the initial outburst of Islam to thank for advancing mathematics, science and literature. For about 300 years, Islam was deeply interested in knowledge and discovered countless writings from the ancient world, translating them into Arabic. This led to a huge transfer of ancient knowledge to the West as these books were copied and translated into Latin. Sadly, as Islam matured into the dogma-prone state that it is now in, Islamic teachers decided that questioning anything and discovering anything about the world was second-guessing God’s intentions, and thus ‘haram’, or anathema, as we would say.

    • Ipsidixit

      I believe that The transfer occurred when Greek orthodox clergy fled Constantinople after the Mohammedan ottomans set about destroying their civilisation. They brought to the West Ancient Greek science and philosophy sparking the Renaissance. By any objective criteria, mohammedanism is evil. The determination of our own ruling classes to suppress criticism of it is similarly evil.

      • edlancey

        You’re wasting your time with this dhimmi halfwit.

    • edlancey

      “For about 300 years, Islam was deeply interested in knowledge and discovered countless writings from the ancient world, translating them into Arabic.”

      NO – it just took them that long to suffocate the host culture that they were in the process of sucking dry.

      Once the dry husk of the Babylonians, Assyrians, etc. was in place the “1000 year” stagnation took place.

      I mean ffs, you people parrot these PC talking points BS about some “golden age” of Islam – open your ‘king eyes.

  • The_greyhound

    Now at least we understand why an epidemic of swollen hands afflicts staff at the BBC, the Guardian, and the entire paid-up membership of the SNP.

    • Jams O’Donnell

      Racist.

  • ohforheavensake

    Hi, Rod!

    Wonder if you’d like to comment on this story from the Press Gazette-

    http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/sun-censured-ipso-over-rod-liddle-column-joke-about-blind-and-transgender-mp

    The Sun has been censured by the Independent Press Standards Organisation over a Rod Liddle column which poked fund at a blind and transgender Labour parliamentary candidate.

    Trans Media Watch complained to IPSO, with the consent of Emily Brothers, over a Liddle column which said:

    Emily Brothers is hoping to become Labour’s first blind transgendered MP. She’ll be standing at the next election in the constituency of Sutton and Cheam. Thing is though: being blind, how did she know she was the wrong sex?

    The group alleged that the comment breached clause 12 of the Editors’ Code (discrimination).

    The Sun admitted that the column was tasteless and told IPSO that it had been a “clumsy attempt to seek humour regarding the existence of those conditions”.

    The Sun provided an apology from Liddle four days after the column appeared, on 15 December. Brothers was also offered her own column to respond, which was also published on 15 December.

    Liddle published a further apology on 15 January which said:

    I made a poor joke in bad taste in this column a few weeks back. Well, ok, I suppose I do that every week. But this one was particularly lame…a poor joke by any standards even, even if it wasn’t meant maliciously. So I apologised to Ms Brothers and said that if I lived in Sutton, where she’s standing, I’d vote for her. And I apologise to her again now, in this column. I’d also like to add that having found out more about her I wouldn’t vote for her even if she was standing against Nick Clegg, George Galloway and [Firstname] Ole Ole Biscuit Barrell from the Silly Party.

    The Sun said it has also changed its editorial policy meaning that all copy relating to transgender matters must be approved by the managing editor before publication.

    In a further twist, Brothers complained that Liddle’s apology used her former first name, instead of Tarquin Ole Ole Biscuit Barrell (a Monty Python reference).

    The IPSO adjudication does not reveal what Emily Brothers’ former first name was.

    Trans Media Watch told IPSO it “was vanishingly unlikely that this was a genuine coincidence” but that this was rather “a deliberate attempt to humiliate” Brothers.

    Liddle insisted that the use of Brothers’ former name was a coincidence and that said that “It was a silly name, plucked from a faulty memory”.

    Upholding the complaint, IPSO said:

    “The first column’s crude suggestion that Ms Brothers could only have become aware of her gender by seeing its physical manifestations was plainly wrong. It belittled Ms Brothers, her gender identity and her disability, mocking her for no reason other than these perceived ‘differences’.

    “Regardless of the columnist’s intentions, this was not a matter of taste; it was discriminatory and therefore unacceptable under the terms of the code.”

    IPSO did not accept that Liddle’s apology was genuine, but it said there was insufficient evidence to conclude that use of Brothers’ former name was deliberate.

    The Sun was ordered to publish an adjudication (in full below) on the same page as the Liddle column. It has been published today.

    Liddle was previously censured by the PCC in March 2010 over a Spectator column which inaccurately asserted that “the overwhelming majority of street crime, knife crime, gun crime, robbery and crimes of sexual violence in London is carried out by young men from the African-Caribbean community”.

    In March 2012, the Spectator published a PCC-brokered letter stating that a Liddle column had given a “wholly misleading impression of the term intersex” by implying that was related to “sexual orientation”.

    This is the first time IPSO has upheld a complaint brought by a representative group, rather than the individual concerned.

    IPSO refused to considered more than 400 complaints brought over a Sun column which likened African migrants to “cockroaches” because it said the body does not rule on issues of taste or offence. It also said that it could not consider the complaints because no individuals were identified.

    The adjudication for publication in The Sun

    Following a column published in The Sun on 11 December 2014, Trans Media Watch, acting with the consent of Emily Brothers, complained to the Independent Press Standards Organisation that The Sun had discriminated against Ms Brothers and breached Clause 12 (Discrimination) of the Editors’ Code of Practice by publishing a prejudicial and pejorative reference to her disability and gender.

    IPSO established a breach of the Code and required The Sun to publish this decision as a remedy.

    Noting that Emily Brothers, who is blind and transgender, was standing for election as an MP, the columnist asked “being blind, how did she know she was the wrong sex”.

    The complainant said the comment made the discriminatory suggestion that there were limitations to the understanding blind people could have of themselves and called into question Ms Brothers’ gender identity.

    The newspaper accepted that the comment was tasteless, but denied that it was prejudicial or pejorative. It did not accept that the columnist had criticised Ms Brothers or suggested anything negative or stereotypical about her blindness or gender identity; rather, it had been a clumsy attempt at humour.

    Nonetheless, it regretted any distress the article had caused Ms Brothers, and published an apology by the columnist. It outlined changes it had made to its editorial processes in response to the complaint.

    IPSO’s Complaints Committee ruled that the column belittled Ms Brothers, her gender identity and her disability, mocking her for no other reason than these perceived “differences”. Regardless of the columnist’s intentions, this was not a matter of taste; it was discriminatory and unacceptable under the Code.

    The apology published by the newspaper did not remedy this breach of the Code, and IPSO therefore upheld the complaint.

    The Editors’ Code

    Clause 12 (Discrimination)

    (i) The press must avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to an individual’s race, colour, religion, gender, sexual orientation or to any physical or mental illness or disability.

    Clause 3 (Privacy)

    (i) Everyone is entitled to respect for his or her private and family life, home, health and correspondence, including digital communications.

    • Mr Grumpy

      Yes, I’m sure we’re all very cross with Rod, but relieved that he now understands that scepticism about transgender narratives is a thought crime.

    • TNT

      Oh, I love Emily Brothers! ‘Crying in the Rain’ is a classic!

    • Damaris Tighe

      Rod’s apology should have used her new name – Ms Biscuit Barrel. Would make her look even more ridiculous & presumably no legal objections possible.

    • Jams O’Donnell

      Liddle is on record as one of the first UK citizens to have pregnant hands.

  • LuciousVanWinkle

    I’m surprised this article has been published.. Many apologists will be frothing at the “wacism” contained within… That aside, the welfare blitzkrieg that Pakistanis and Bangladeshi’s been unleashing for the last 2 decades will come as a surprise to few, but let’s not underestimate the responsibility that those two groups have for the “immigration frustration” that is felt in the UK.

    The social, economic and cultural impact from those two groups account for the majority of frustration people have with immigration. If you look at the unemployment statistics, along with all the other baggage they bring, you really get to understand the nature of their negative impact on this country. But the powers that be continue to pretend that we’re all “wacist” for pointing out that they are a cancer on our society, despite all the evidence to the contrary.

    • Zhang Wei

      In a sense it’s quite right that they come here and nick a few benefit’s you did loot trillions from them after all….

      • Malcolm Stevas

        Rather less than their own despotic rulers stole long before the Brits arrived – that, together with cruelty & oppression. And it isn’t a tit-for-tat business anyway. They should be encouraged to depart.

      • Mc

        Nothing like some good old whataboutism. Since we’re on the whataboutism bandwagon, we shouldn’t fail to mention the Chinese government (seems you have a Chinese name) has been beastly since time immemorial toward its own people and anyone else it encounters.

        • Zhang Wei

          Not stopped you lot begging for trade deals boss

          • Mc

            As you’re not satisfied with your first logical fallacy, you now launch into your second logical fallacy.

          • vieuxceps2

            Ah,but we take our own, long, spoons to the table….

          • Ipsidixit

            Please tell me that you are writing from China where you no doubt prefer to live.

          • Ipsidixit

            Wouldn’t be needed if the Chinese were not pathological thieves of western ideas.

          • LittleRedRidingHood

            Yeah, we all need cheap plastic shyte.

          • Trofim

            Me would like to know if I iz one of “you lot”. I duz livin in Worcestershire, and duz have dem pale skin.

          • vieuxceps2

            “Iz u one ov uz”? Bloody well hope not.

          • LuciousVanWinkle

            Interesting that in your first post you say “come here” which suggests “here” is the UK, then you go on to say “Not stopped **you lot** begging for trade deals boss”…. Good to know the language you use about your fellow citizens, by I mean Britons…. “you lot” lol

        • vieuxceps2

          Yes,Chinese renowned for their cruelty and cunning.More than one chink on their armour.

      • vieuxceps2

        Mr.Wei,or Mr. Zhang,whichever it is,please note that there is scarcely a soul in the land who looted anything at all from your vibrant buddies.Those who did are dead and they left behind a fine legacy of schools,railways and democracy ,since ruined and corrupted. If you are so poisoned by the revisionist marxoids that you think it right for these crooks to steal from us, why not pack your bags and slope off to where you willl find nicer people? Please.

        • UnionJihack

          That is the common, low caste excuse for the atrocities commited in the name of the crown, correct.

          • vieuxceps2

            “Common,low caste”,yet you will find, Your Leftiness,that caste was and is the normal state of society among your blessed vibrant friends.As to” common”,excuse us but we do not apparently frequent the same “social,economic and cultural circles” that you mentioned earlier. What unutterable snobs you class-warriors are.

          • Kingstonian

            I think you typed one too many “s” in “snobs”. Otherwise, excellent comment!

          • UnionJihack

            You may well be correct with your analysis of what I meant to say there.

          • vieuxceps2

            Snobbism is the last refuge of the pseudo.

          • UnionJihack

            Somehow I knew you would return for more.

            The lower castes are like that – they return to their masters willingly to receive a beating and/or further instructions.

          • vieuxceps2

            Hello Pseud. Have you tried treatment?

          • Lord of the Manor of Tyburn

            It evidently baffles you to find a woman in a hijab telling you to STFU. And your manners are so underdeveloped you can’t let go, just like an unskilled day labourer or men from Pakistan.

          • vieuxceps2

            Woman or man,moslem or other,makes no difference. I speak as I wish and no-one tells me to STFU as you elegantly term it. You “evidently” treat a “woman in a jihab” differently which makes you a patronising sexist gob-almighty snob.How do those manners suit you?
            My father was an”unskilled labourer”ie. “of lower caste” than milord of gallows-meat, but he wrote better English than you do.As to your “men from Pakistan”, your poor brain no doubt sees a reason to include them in your maunderings,but I fail to see any need.
            Maybe you’d do better not to butt in on other parties’ debates and in your quaint terminology, MYOFB?

          • Nick

            What’s that got to do with us in this day and age?

        • Pacificweather

          Be fair, the opium scam wasn’t our finest hour and there are a distinct lack of railways in Afghanistan.

          • vieuxceps2

            No,I don’t claim the Empire was all good but I resent the lefty view that it was entirely bad.Even socialist regimes have and had one or two drawbacks, only Lefty doesn’t say so……

          • Pacificweather

            He was a man of few words was Lefty but he always stood his round in the pub. Not a bad bloke when you got to know him.

          • vieuxceps2

            Yes, Lefty did stand his round on benefits day, but he was a rare old scrounger the rest of the week…..

          • Pacificweather

            Yes, but only after he lost his arm and and his leg fighting for his country. Some say that it was the lack of appreciation of his sacrifice that caused him to join the Communist Party. Others say he only joined to expose the Communist in the British secret services, a task in which he was ultimately successful. All I know is they now call him The Stig.

          • vieuxceps2

            “to join the Communist party”-It;s a long time since anyone did that.Even Lefty and his one-armed teetotal brother knew better than that.

          • Pacificweather

            What!!? Don’t tell me he joined actually a conservative party. Which one?

      • Thank you! I love your posts – it’s like reading Chuang Zu or Confucius!

      • Ivan Ewan

        I had no idea that donkeys nibbling on parched grasses were so extraordinarily valuable.

      • edlancey

        Go and take a toot on the opium pipe.

      • Dogsnob

        I didn’t. Do I have grounds for objection do you think?

      • jim

        So you admit their presence here is a punishment?At least you’re not trying to pretend we’re being “enriched”.

      • Nick

        What has that got to do with us in this day and age?

        • Pacificweather

          Quite right. Statute of limitations don’t ya know.

      • justsomeone

        Are you really chinese? Seems odd for a Chinese to have such bizarre left-wing views. You’re a nasty piece of work, that much is certain.

    • UnionJihack

      The cultural impact of Eastern European oligarchs is far larger than you would expect, but then that depends on which social, economic and cultural circles you frequent.

      • LuciousVanWinkle

        Go on…

        • UnionJihack

          The nihilism of nothing or ‘zero’ is often confused with denialism. Paying invaders from the colonies n o t to come here has of course already been defined – it’s called, wait for it, foreign aid.

          • LuciousVanWinkle

            How does your second comment expand on your first? You’ve gone from Oligarchs to nihilism to foreign aid..

            One point about foreign aid… It’s been demonstrated that it does nothing to stop migration, far from it, it actually encourages it….

            “emigration generally rises with economic development until countries reach upper-middle income” – Michael Clemens (Does Development Reduce Migration?)

          • Johnny Foreigner

            Foreign Aid helped them, to stay alive long enough to learn how to read. How to claim benefits, learn to play the race card. The Liberal Progressives have such a huge hinterland of guilt to assuage, on our behalf, the Third World’s place here is for our own good. No one seems to write about economic benefit they create, isn’t now at the heady amount of £25 net each. This of course does not calculate their impact on the countries infrastructure, this is not even being recorded.

          • Jabez Foodbotham

            Danegeld?

    • Coastliner

      Good post – and 100% true!

    • Marcussmod

      What you say is 100% correct. The net tax contributions from these so called hard working migrants has to be negative. The cultural and political implications as their population increases expotentially threaten Western liberalism.

      Even up here in the North East town I now live, there are areas that now resemble a Bangladeshi backwater. Pararell communities with alien cultural norms and values are expanding at at alarming rate.

      • LuciousVanWinkle

        I live in Birmingham… so ditto…

    • Marcussmod

      After the Muslim child grooming convictions, the next taboo to be broken is exposing Pakistani/Bangladesh//Somalian at el welfare depency. The figures will be truly eye watering.

  • Mc

    “the Turkish Muslim scholar and evangelist Mücahid Cihad Han announced on television that people who masturbate will end up with pregnant hands.”

    One thing is certain: when people claim masturbation is bad, they are major indulgers themselves. A bit like Christian pastors who hire people to double up as both their bag carriers and their tea baggers.

    • English_Independence_Movement

      That bloke was a total prat, pity we have to share the planet with such medieval morons.

  • John Andrews

    Rod, are you tending towards the adoption of a sceptical attitude to the Muslim British?

  • The_greyhound

    Here’s hoping that Rod finds time to discuss this amazing tribute to the vibrancy of our modern society http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/11633305/University-union-officer-who-wrote-kill-all-white-men-tweet-will-remain-in-post.html

    “University union officer who wrote ‘kill all white men’ tweet will remain in post – Bahar Mustafa claims she can not be racist because she is an ethnic minority
    woman”

    Enough to make a cat laugh.

    • cartimandua

      Meanwhile the Times called a comment of mine racist (and warned me) because I quoted something spoken of by NATO, the UN, and the World Bank.
      But then even my name is the name of a white woman.

      • The_greyhound

        less serious than having the name of a white man, but a grave indictment all the same.

      • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

        Yes, a white woman from a Spanish tribe that moved to the UK around 400BC. Cartimandua was a good European, who collaborated with the Romans as their puppet state leader. Very far from a British nationalist.

      • MA0

          “But then even my name is the name of a white woman.”

        …albeit a white woman who was in bed with the invaders of these islands in more ways than one, and who handed over to them the last British king to resist colonisation.

  • Patrick Roy

    Great, more coverage of the RoP. Thanks.

  • edlancey

    Islam is death.

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      No ,it is just an anachronism . A Medieval faith that is having more trouble than most adapting to modernity.

      • edlancey

        “more trouble than most adapting to modernity” – ffs

      • vieuxceps2

        All religions are today anachronistic. Islam started in the seventh century, well before mediaeval times.It calls itself a faith but it is in fact a gigantic ideology setting the rules for living without thinking for yourself.It condemns to death all who leave it. Anyone not already muslim must join or burn in hell as befits the offspring of apes and monkeys.
        Such organisations cannot “adapt” as you put it. They can only grow or die. Adaptation is not an option.

  • English_Independence_Movement

    Even better idea: lets deport people who should not be here.

    • greencoat

      Yes indeed. A massively positive action that none of our girly-men politicians will contemplate.

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      Let’s start with the Hugeunots.

      • Pacificweather

        It makes a change from starting with the Jews.

      • vieuxceps2

        Quite agree.The small Unots are a pest, but the huge Unots are the worst. Out with ’em !

    • Zululi

      let’s

      • English_Independence_Movement

        Blimey, these days you have to wait four days for the grammar police to turn up.

        • vieuxceps2

          Only Grammar criminals need fear the Grammar Police.

        • Zululi

          Sorry sunshine, but I’m being inundated: I’m doing the rounds, and some of the other newspapers keep me very busy! (It’s the education system, you know 🙁 )

  • FedUpIndian

    The concept of zero as a number was invented by the Hindu mathematician Brahmagupta. The Hindu number system was adopted by the Arabs who showed it to the Europeans.
    http://www.storyofmathematics.com/indian_brahmagupta.html

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Hindu%E2%80%93Arabic_numeral_system

    • Damaris Tighe

      One of the many ‘achievements’ fawningly attributed to Islam which in fact came from elsewhere.

      • Icebow

        I suppose there may now be some young people who think they invented the AK-47.

      • Jeffrey Vernon

        That’s true, but everything comes from somewhere else. Greek dialectics comes from India, but the Indians might have borrowed it as well. There is a difference between maths in India (where it was a private hobby, however brilliantly developed) and Islam (where it was more of a civil and collective affair).

  • aspeckofboggart

    Never let spill on hands. That’s what I always do…….say, I mean.

  • Gilbert White

    When

  • Jackthesmilingblack

    “Stand by to repel boarders.”
    “How do you repel boarders?”
    “Stop changing the bed linen.”

    • cartimandua

      Yea yea
      Its how you repel the pirates.

  • Callan

    We are fortunate it’s only Bangladesh. Thank goodness the residents of Pakistan, India, Jamaica, Nigeria, Somalia et al are far too honest to engage in such criminality. Always look on the bright side of life. Eh Soubry? .

    • cartimandua

      There is a program on morning TV which looks at scammers…. well…..

  • Joseph Hooker

    Increasingly we are seen as a joke. I have never heard of this practice before but if the present government holds true to it’s promise and stops benefits for immigrants in the first four years then this would stop. We cannot afford to keep giving money away. The vast majority of taxpayers in this country get little or nothing back from the system whilst a minority milk it for all it’s worth. A sad but true statistic is that 80% of Somalis never find work here.

    • mohdanga

      Yes, but don’t you feel ‘enriched’ by their ‘vibrant’ presence??

    • mrs 1234

      Don’t hold your breath for the government to follow through on this ‘promise’.

  • Joseph Hooker

    “The Turkish Muslim scholar and evangelist Masturbar Jihad Pregnant Hands”

  • Maureen Fisher

    Good points. The negative impact on social cohesion by this type of incomer who stays is probably a greater strain on the public purse overall.

  • Bruce Crawford

    One wonders (maybe it is just me) how the Turkish Muslim Scholar would react if someone told him that women masturbate too. I assume that he was directing his proclamation at men.

    • cartimandua

      Well he probably lives in a world where women’s bodies have been so harmed
      by the amputation of FGM that they find any kind of se* nothing but agony.

  • commenteer

    Wasn’t it Indian mathematicians who invented zero, later adopted in the middle east?

    • Icebow

      Yes and no. See Wikipedia.

    • Yvon & Barry Stuart-Hargreaves

      Yes but it was Islamic scholars who really embraced nothing. They promoted nothing and held that nothing was good. In Islam nothing was worthwhile. In Islam they respect nothing.

      • Jams O’Donnell

        Joke wears thin.

      • vieuxceps2

        Your joke was laboured the firt time round,why recycle it now?

  • cartimandua

    Wouldn’t this stop if we were out of the EU? Mind you if people from the EU are stopped from claiming until they had worked here for a year or so it would also stop.

  • greggf

    “My new plan: let’s pay people benefits for not moving here.”

    We already do Rod, It’s coyly called Aid for International Development…..

    • cartimandua

      Sadly it is not very effective. To enable job creation a country has to have non corrupt institutions and an enterprise culture. That mean allowing people to question the status quo.
      Islam does not allow questions to be asked.
      Send migrants back with start up cash and make sure they never come back here again.
      We probably do need to make a safe haven bastioned city in Africa though for Christians and innocents fleeing.

  • artemis in france

    The EU’s pathetic lack of action in the Med and now the Aegean, allowing the mass migration into Europe without any attempt to stop the traffickers and a complete lack of will to send these people back is just more grist to the mill for the anti-EU factions within the Union. If they had half your courage and honesty, Rod, we wouldn’t be facing a black Europe in a generation’s time. I don’t so much fear for myself but for the next two generations who will have to come to some sort of accommodation with these incomers, most of whom will wish to remake their homelands among us. In a century Europe will be a slum. As much as I would like my daughters to become mothers I am unsure where they will be able to safely raise them. I don’t think I’m alone.

    • Icebow

      I do not wish to see Islamic sights; I do not wish to hear Islamic sounds.
      Except where they belong, until they do not belong anywhere.

      • cartimandua

        If people want to follow failed state culture they are really entitled to do that as long as we don’t have to pay for it in any sense.

  • Bonkim

    They won’t stay in Italy but the word will spread and more will visit London to register.

    The first part sounded idiotic but the second part – assume the Authorities are wise to such scams. And not just Muslim Bangladeshis – I bet some others are in the game too. Personally I would stop issuing visas to the extended family members to settle in Britain or to travel to get married via family arrangements.

    The greatest threat is Greece and Italy that let in migrants via the back door – not sure sending the Royal Navy to save drowning Africans and Syrians was a wise decision.

  • gerronwithit

    Well the Islamists had to invent zero in order that they could aspire to worldwide nihilism.

  • W.anker

    I was going to make a comment but had difficulty typing as my hands are to swollen.

    • Zululi

      too

  • Pacificweather

    Headline:
    Criminals caught by Police.
    Journalist waxes lyrical.

  • scampy

    Anyone who has worked in a muslim country will know there is huge demand for girlie magazines.
    A Malaysian guy tried to tap into it a few years ago but was scared off by the head bangers.
    Start dropping Penthouse, Playboy, Hustler etc on the ISIS nutters and see a massive halt to the fighting.

  • justsomeone

    What’s disturbing isn’t that some Islamic preacher thought he could tell people that it makes one’s hands pregnant. There are plenty of nutters. It’s that he was famous enough to be on television and to host his own show. In Turkey.
    Then again we have secular preachers in the West (here we call them ‘academics’ and ‘feminists’ and ‘lecturers’) who preach to their impressionable followers (students) that men are women, women are men, that gender doesn’t exist, that babies are born as a result of men impregnating men and not only of women.
    Soon these secular preachers will have this taught to 10 year olds, it’ll be in the schoolbooks.
    We have other bizarre preachers who openly preach the impossible, saying that mass immigration (even from Muslim countries) is good for the economy and is unrelated to ‘terrorism’, and that no Islamic terrorist group has anything to do with Islam.

    We are no longer living in an age of reason.

    • Jams O’Donnell

      You certainly aren’t, at any rate.

      • justsomeone

        I take it you’re one of those who think the Muslim preachers are very enlightened.

  • Jams O’Donnell

    I used to think “Rod Liddle” was a fictional character – perhaps created by Kingsley Amis – astonishing to find now that anyone real could be such a racist tw@t

  • Partner

    Mr Liddle seems, like a number of other contributors, to be at serious odds with his distinguished editor, who wrote a pean of praise to mass immigration the other day in the Torygraph. This was on the interesting ground that Mr Nelson alleged it brought us all a few lovverly quid in our collective national pocket and was therefore a Very Good Thing to be welcomed by everyone but the most backward old fogeys sheltering in a home somewhere in the East of the country and complaining to the Radio Times (if it still exists) about Sandi Tostig.

    Why don’t Mr Liddle and Mr Nelson do one of those ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ columns the Daily Dacre loves?

  • liamjq

    I think you’ll find that “the pregnant pause” was a mis-spelling and that old Will shakespeare “beat” him to it

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