In Competition No. 2893 you were invited to suggest suitable Desert Island Discs for a historical figure, living or dead.

Your choice of castaways was somewhat narrow — Richard III, Henry VIII, Tony Blair and Jeremy Clarkson popped up again and again. This meant a fair amount of repetition: King Richard was the most popular and his selections more often than not included ‘Dem bones’ and ‘Two Princes’ by the Spin Doctors. Several entrants thought that ‘Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina’ might make Jeremy Clarkson’s playlist. Chris O’Carroll chose Joni Mitchell’s ‘Both Sides Now’ on behalf of Tony Blair; while Peter Skelly went for Dire Straits’s ‘Money for Nothing’, along with several other tracks on a similar theme. The prizewinners printed below are rewarded with £15 each. Most entries were submitted in list form but Rob Stuart nabs the bonus fiver for a Russell Brand in characteristically full flow.

Oooh, first choicey-woicey, that’s gotta be ‘Anarchy in the UK’ by the Sex Pistols, ain’t it, because although it’s obvious, it’s surprisingly obvious. Then I’m going for old Georgy Handel’s ‘Messiah’, although I was never entirely cognizant of exactly who he was on about wiv it because I hadn’t even been born back in Victorian times. Then I’ll have ‘Believe’ by top Milf Cher, ’cos you gotta believe in some sort of spirituality, ain’t you, ‘Get Up, Stand Up’, by the inestimable Monsieur Robert Marley, the feem choon from Roobarb and Custard, Adam and the Ants’ ‘Stand and Deliver’, a right scathing post-materialist critiquey-wiquey of your whole basic Capitalist hegemony, every bit as insightful as old Noam Chomskeroony, and finally them lot again with ‘Xerox’ in honour of my mate Johann Hari and his principled defiance of copyright law whilst working at the Independent. Peace out, my liege!
Rob Stuart/Russell Brand
 
‘To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before’ (Julio Iglesias)
‘Suspicious Minds’ (Elvis Presley)
‘Say Hello, Wave Goodbye’ (Soft Cell)
‘I Say a Little Prayer’ (Aretha Franklin)
‘The First Cut Is the Deepest’ (P.P. Arnold)
‘Losing My Religion’ (REM)
‘Arrivederci Roma’ (Dean Martin)
Derek Morgan/Henry VIII
 
‘Making Plans For Nigel’ (XTC)
‘(I wanna be) Elected’ (Alice Cooper)
‘Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please’ (Splodgenessabounds)
‘Revolution’ (the Beatles)
‘Purple People Eater’ (Sheb Wooley)
‘Leave Right Now’ (Will Young)
‘Make the World Go Away’ (Eddy Arnold)
Storm Hutchinson/Nigel Farage
 
‘Green Grow The Rushes O’ (REM)
‘I, Pharaoh’ (Sun Ra and his Arkestra)
‘Desert Chase’ (John Williams)
‘A Tendency To Start Fires’ (Bush)
‘Ten Commandments’ (Prince Buster and the All Stars)
‘Promised Land’ (Bruce Springsteen)
‘Forty Years On’ (Harrow School Boys)
Bill Greenwell/Moses
 
‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ (The Beatles)
‘Da Da Da’ (Trio)
‘Da Doo Ron Ron’ (The Crystals)
‘Dum Dum Diddle’ (ABBA)
‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’ (The Police)
‘Be-Bop-A-Lula’ (Gene Vincent and His Blue Caps)
‘Boom Bang-a-Bang’ (Lulu)
Steve Baldock/Prince George of Cambridge
 
‘California Dreamin’’ (The Mamas & The Papas)
‘Man on the Moon’ (REM)
‘Slow Boat to China’ (Peggy Lee & Bing Crosby)
‘Know Your Enemy’ (Rage Against The Machine)
‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’ (The Clash)
Theme tune from A Touch Of Frost
‘I’m Sorry’ (Brenda Lee)
John O’Byrne/Richard Nixon
 
‘Symphony for Richard III’ (Ennio Morricone)
‘Two Little Boys’ (Sir Harry Lauder)
‘Sub Tuam Protectionem’ (John Dunstable, composer to the Plantagenets, performed by Orlando Consort)
‘The White Rose’ (Brenda Wootton)
‘Back in the Saddle Again’ (Gene Autry)
‘Don’t Give Up’ (Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush)
‘You Raise Me Up’ (Westlife)
Michael Jones/Richard III
 
‘If I Had a Hammer’ (Pete Seeger)
‘The Animals Went in Two By Two’ (Traditional)
‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ (B.J. Thomas)
‘Here Comes the Rain Again’ (Eurythmics)
‘It Ain’t Going to Rain No Mo’’ (Wendell Woods Hall)
‘Here Comes the Sun’ (The Beatles)
‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ (Judy Garland)
Kath Wilkinson/Noah
 
‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’ (The Rolling Stones)
‘Nessum Dorma’ (Puccini)
‘Imagine’ (John Lennon)
‘Born To Run’ (Bruce Springsteen)
‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ (Simon & Garfunkel)
‘Yesterday’ (The Beatles)
‘Send in the Clowns’ (Barbra Streisand)
Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead/Nick Clegg

No. 2896: iffy

The poet Ian McMillan suggested recently that electioneering politicians might do well to write their own poems — or to take an existing poem and give it their own twist. You are invited to take Kipling’s ‘If’ and recast it on behalf of a politician who is currently on the campaign trail. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 29 April.