Real life

Help! My gay best friend is cheating on me

How could he do this to me? How?

15 March 2014

9:00 AM

15 March 2014

9:00 AM

My gay best friend is cheating on me with another woman. I saw him with her the other day and now I’m prostrate with grief and shock.

I don’t think I will ever be able to bring myself to forgive him. Even if he begged me to come back to him, we can never be the way we were. I don’t even know how to tell him I know about the affair. He is carrying on as if he doesn’t know that I have found out.

All I keep thinking is: ‘How could he do this to me? How? After everything we have been through? The long discussions about Botox, the episodes of Kath & Kim, the endless gossiping…I wouldn’t mind so much, but the gay marriage law was already making it harder than ever for sad, forty-something single women like me to hang on to their gay best friends.

Those of us who rely on gay men need them to be as desperate and lonely as we are, and to feel as much a social outcast. But now they’ve all gone a bundle on the idea of a church wedding, settling down, raising kids. And they just don’t need us like they used to.

One of my oldest gay male friends has lost all interest in me since the coalition brought in equal marriage rights. We used to have cosy dinners à deux once a week in Chelsea, but now we never see each other. Instead of him calling me every other night for long, meandering, intellectual conversations about life, the universe and everything, all he ever calls to tell me now is how much he is looking forward to meeting someone special and settling down to raise a family.

That’s no good to me, is it?

‘You’re part of the establishment now,’ I told him bitterly the last time I saw him. ‘You’re leaving me behind in the land of persecuted minorities.’

Another gay friend, who is devastatingly handsome and who I have lusted after for many years, has been getting very serious of late with his long-term partner and I fear he will set a date any day now. When he does, I can kiss goodbye to any last vestige of a chance that he might agree to have a baby with me. He and his boyfriend wouldn’t even use me as a surrogate. They can do far better. A gay couple as glamorous as them could probably get Taylor Swift to knock them out a child.

But back to my gay friend who is cheating on me with another woman. This is even worse than my gay friends getting themselves hitched. I can take it when a dear male friend finds a man, or even marries a man, but when he finds a woman, it’s too much. Really. Talk about stabbing me in the heart.

This gay male friend and I had been meaning to meet to spend the day together when suddenly, without warning, and quite out of character, he cancelled. He said he didn’t want to meet me because it was raining. Raining? What sort of excuse is that for a person of outlandish stylishness and acerbic verbal dexterity?

Then he went completely quiet. Radio silence for days. Then the next time we were meant to meet he cancelled again, also citing bad weather. I tried to keep myself busy. I went off to do some shopping, and had almost convinced myself I was imagining there was anything wrong when I was driving back home and I saw him…with the other woman.

He wasn’t even hiding or carrying on with her in another neighbourhood. He was gallivanting around with her a few moments from my house, right under my nose. I felt a stab of pain to my heart so sharp I thought I had got wind. But it wasn’t wind. It was betrayal.

‘Ouch!’ I said out loud. He phoned me a few times after that, perhaps suspecting I might have seen him, so I didn’t take his calls. He texted to arrange another meeting and I agreed, thinking it would only serve to confirm my fears when he cancelled again. Which he did.

And on the day he was meant to be with me, I saw him with her. She’s blonder than I am. Clearly, he has traded up to a more flamboyant model. It happens, I guess. They look happy together. I expect he is even now advising her on where to get her Botox done.

While I sit alone, playing Gloria Gaynor and plotting my comeback. Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die? Oh no, not I. As long as I can find a new gay best friend I know I’ll stay alive…

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Show comments
  • Chris Morriss

    Are you really that sad, or is this some sort of spoof?

    • Nicholas C

      I’d say both

  • La Fold

    Bloody sex and the bloody city is to blame for this sort of nonsense. It has seemed to fill a generation of womens with absolute mind rotting drivel.

  • Fergus Pickering

    Lighten up, Feller You’re getting pranoiac. This is indeed some kind of spoof – a poof spoof you might say.

    • Chris Morriss

      Getting ‘pranoiac’? Methinks perhaps you are getting dylsexic 🙂

  • justalittlebitofthis

    Gay best friend?

    There is no such thing as a ”Gay best friend”
    It should be.. my best friend who practices HOMOSEXUALITY.

    ‘Gay’ is a word hijacked from the dictionary

    How can a human being be classed as anything else but a human being?
    Sexuality is a preference, not a group.

    • saintlaw


      • justalittlebitofthis

        rather than ”un naturalism”

        • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

          The idea that a behaviour is unnatural is a human construct not found in nature.

    • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

      Conservative, or Christian, are chosen group allegiances based on mutable beliefs and behaviour. Do you think they can’t be classed as groups?

      • justalittlebitofthis

        No, how the hell can you call a sexual act a ‘group’ of people?
        I’m an angler.. I think I’ll go down the street with other anglers with a big rainbow trout flag.
        Pathetic. sex is an act… not a group.

        • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

          First, because attraction is not an act, and attraction is what defines one’s sexuality.

          Second, you’re proving my point. There are in fact a very large number of clubs dedicated to angling. There are international competitions, websites, festivals and holiday packages all built around appealing to anglers. There is an entire industry around producing rods, flies, and special gear.

          If you want a parade please organise one, sounds like fun.

  • Gwangi

    ‘Spare a thought for the desperate single women abandoned by their gay best friends’?

    Errr – NO. I won’t. Why should I? These self-obsessed sillies deserve mockery at best.
    I would tell them to grow up and get a proper hobby if I met them though.

    I would also tell them that not all gay men are the sort of screaming queens who fuss over straight women like Gok Wan. The assumption in this article is that all gay men are like this (in fact, the 19 stone builder who has just fixed my roof is gay, and speaks like Arthur Manning!) Talk about stereotyping!

    In fact, I have known lots of gay men who despise the sort of fag hags who visit gay bars because they’re full of non-threatening non-straight men. Straight women visit such bars as others would visit the zoo – for the amusement of interacting with another species.

  • Skylar Baker-Jordan

    Obviously satire. And good satire, to boot.

  • Ooh!MePurse!

    Not up to your normal standard Miss Kite. You normally have me crying with laughter.

  • justalittlebitofthis

    Homosexuality is never practised by the animal kingdom, it is seen as ”unnatural”

    • Samuel Kaine Wheeler


      • justalittlebitofthis

        poor reply.

        • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

          Because it demonstrates endemic bisexuality as a form of essential social bonding in our nearest relatives?

          That you refuse to see evidence that contradicts you point doesn’t make the evidence disappear.

          • justalittlebitofthis

            think im going to vomit

          • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

            If vomiting is your learned response to evidence contradicting your view no wonder you’re trapped in ignorance.

          • justalittlebitofthis

            Ignorance? Sex is for Man and woman. that’s how babies are born.

        • Terry Field


          • justalittlebitofthis

            urghh.. another one.

    • Chris

      Wow, you really should have used Google before making this comment. Yes, there is homosexuality in the animal kingdom. No homophobia though.
      “Homosexual behavior, not necessarily sex, has been observed in about 1500 species, ranging from primates to gut worms, and is well documented for 500 of them.” (Wikipedia summary of the research)

      • justalittlebitofthis

        I see you have come across plenty of gut worms in your experiences then…
        I’m really going to be sick now!

  • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

    Dear that peculiar strain of straight women,

    I am not an accessory. I don’t care about fashion, or gossip, or your hair. No I don’t know where you could get some coke. No, I don’t drink Bacardi. No, I don’t want you to introduce me to your other gay friend.

    I’m a bloke. I just happen to fancy other blokes.

    Now let me drink my tea and put my feet up.


    The overwhelming majority of gay men.

    • justalittlebitofthis

      There is no such thing as gay men..
      It’s only a sexual preference called practising homosexuality.
      Don’t be a flip flop all your life.

      • Samuel Kaine Wheeler

        There are no such things as Christians, there is only a theological preference called practicing Christianity.

        I think you just have a problem with nouns to be honest.

  • Terry Field

    Is Peppa Pig a Gay Icon?
    This has been troubling me for some time.

    • justalittlebitofthis

      There is no such thing as gay. Its a human who practices unnatural sexual behaviour.

  • lostinlondon

    I really, really hate this: it’s mean, small-minded and insulting. Whether meant as satire or not, it belittles both genders and sexualities and says more about the author than the lazy cultural stereotypes it rehashes. And no, I’m not a frustrated fag-hag or a defensive queen. Poor.

  • Keith Tangent

    Sorry I was under the impression this was the Spectator website, not the Gay Times, I’ll leave you all to it.

    • justalittlebitofthis

      well said

  • Mercy Brown

    I’m Mercy brown by name I have a few testimony to share with you all about myself, I was in a relationship with this guy and for 3years and we were about getting married when we both have misunderstanding with each other and he ask me for a divorce and we both agreed and after 4months I head that he was having an affair with one of my closest friend and I was very upset and worried so a friend of my advice me and told me if I still love my ex and if I really want to have him back so I told her yes, and she ask me to contact Dr. Madurai the spell caster and I did although I never believe on spell so he gave me something when he was casting the spell and ask me to say my wishes on it and after the casting of the spell a receive a phone call from my ex and was ask me at which I did and now we are back together again I’m so happy and I wish not to ever have this mistake again in my life. I will also advice anyone with this kind of issue to contact him for help he is really nice on phone and always there to answer you question giving you the good advice that you need. his email is