High life

Taki: in defence of my friend Alec Baldwin

Plus: Thanks for calling me a billionaire, Deborah Ross, but nobody in the world should own more than 100 million quid

23 November 2013

9:00 AM

23 November 2013

9:00 AM

You know you’re old when people start writing kindly about you. Especially when they are colleagues. First Jeremy Clarke, now Deborah Ross. Debbie could of course be spoofing — if you look down at your bag of popcorn you’ll miss me — but thank you very much anyway. When my new boat is ready there will be a cabin built exclusively for Deborah Ross. The only thing she really got wrong is the moolah. If I’m a billionaire, Lord Sugar is a gentleman. This sounds a bit phoney, but if I were a billionaire I’d give 850 million away; 150 million greenbacks, or 100 million quid should be tops for everyone. One can fly private, own a boat and a decent house and take care of the children and grandchildren. Billions make people very strange and suspicious of others, and make their children even stranger. The insane idolatry of money warps minds and character quicker than any drug or liquor. I have known many billionaires in my life — inflation churns them out regularly nowadays, as does criminality in the old Soviet Union — and the only ones who live normal lives and have normal children are both Greek and although very distantly related have the same surname.

They say there is nothing more dangerous than innocents on a manhunt, and I’ve seen a few floozies play Jane Austen while trying to land some ghastly Russian slob who can count up to a billion but can’t read. Actually, I don’t mind that — a girl has to make a living, after all. What I do mind is men going after a billionaire’s daughter, most of them being ugly as sin, so stand up and be counted whatever your name is, you son-in-law of Bernie Ecclestone. If this guy comes to Gstaad this winter, where his father-in-law owns two chalets, I plan to move out.


What I don’t find funny at all is the latest scandal of the thought police and gay lobby in America. My friend Alec Baldwin loses his temper — he’s Irish — and calls a photographer a cocksucker. NBC suspends his show for two weeks (what the network is doing is waiting to see the reaction) so he has to apologise to the usual suspects, who are shocked, shocked that such a homophobic slur is still used in this day and age. Anyway, why is it homophobic? And since when is it a gay slur? Some of the grandest ladies I’ve known have been extraordinary cocksuckers. The English aristocracy wouldn’t be what it is if it weren’t mostly made up of cocksuckers. Why is the homo lobby GLAAD picking on an Irish–American man who supports a very large Catholic family and who grew up poor on Long Island, unlike the man who joined in the Baldwin-bashing, Anderson Cooper, son of Gloria Vanderbilt, and a man who hid in the closet for ten years and is now out banging the drum for homos. Most likely he does it for the publicity, and because no one watches CNN in general and Anderson Cooper in particular any longer.

Plus another thing: black rappers in America use the N-word ad nauseam, and rap savage hate, boast sexual degradation of women, and call gay people faggots. Jay-Z, a freak billionaire, boasts about the heroin he used to sell, uses the N-word non-stop, and ends up on the cover of Vanity Fair! The networks in America and Britain show mostly mass slaughter as supplied by assault rifles, and are replete with fires, explosions, guns and mayhem. People regularly walk into schools or malls with high-powered rifles and shoot children and innocent bystanders. Black professional basketball and football players in the States are regularly arrested for violence against women, murder — three black NFL stars are under investigation for murder this season only — and newspapers don’t even bother writing about those arrested under the influence with guns in their cars. Yet when Alec Baldwin uses the C-word, he gets canned and the tabloids go wild. American colleges are the only ones in the world who pay for student athletes not to attend classes but to graduate literally illiterate. What they’re really doing is pumping out criminals because less than 1 per cent of college athletes make the pros. Once out in the real world with absolutely no credentials or education whatsoever except a useless degree they more often than not go into crime. But Alec Baldwin is the bad guy.

So good old George Orwell had it right after all. Soon only the omnipotent state will be permitted to state an opinion. Outspokenness will become as rare as good manners and only rappers, pop stars and brutish celebrities will be allowed to make their vile pronouncements. Oh yes, I almost forgot, and professional athletes. And, of course, Bill Keller, the world’s dumbest columnist, writing for the New York Times. I’ve never met the fellow, but if he were dumb enough to marry Emma Gilbey, why shouldn’t he be dumb enough to fall for the jihadist line in Syria. You know who I’m talking about, those nice guys who beheaded a wounded man in hospital only to find out that he was one of theirs while parading his severed head around. According to Keller, Assad is the bad guy. And I guess Baldwin is, too.

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Show comments
  • dalai guevara

    “My friend Alec Baldwin loses his temper — he’s Irish — and calls a photographer a cocksucker.”
    Why can’t I call anyone that on here? That’s a two tier system exposed for what it is, right there.

    • Sanctimony

      Perhaps using the words, fellator or fellatrix, depending on your gender preferences might get you around the touchy-feely qualms of the British media.

      I think Taki’s choice of word is far more descriptive, not to mention devoid of any gender or sexuality bias.

      So let’s all pull together, brothers and sisters…

      • dalai guevara

        Is that an axe handle in your backpack, fella?
        I would not dare mess with you.

        • Sanctimony

          No, a pair of skis…

    • Jackthesmilingblack

      And my innocuous contributions are deleted.
      It`s the same the whole world over …

  • zanzamander

    I have never understood why blacks are allowed to use the N word ( I don’t think anybody should). But then I remember, there is one law for blacks, Arabs/Muslims and other sundry third world citizens and quite another, a more stringent, stricter one for white folks.

    This is a new Lefty Liberal Progressive world where the media, politicians and academia are all never ever offended by what blacks and the other I mentioned say or do – because that would be racist. Banning a rapper from “singing” those vile, violent, racist and homophobic things would just upset them, alienate them and their audience – which we must never do otherwise they’ll turn to crime, murder and mayhem – which in turn would be our fault!

    Btw, I’m disappointed that you’re not a billionaire. I had already conjured up an image of you in my mind that I’ll now have to go through the trouble of revising.

    • Swanky

      I don’t think anyone should say ‘c——–‘, in public, but only because it’s nasty and crass. On the other hand, you can bet that many people, women especially, have had to perform sexual acts against their will, and that certainly would be one of them. In all my chaste life — real chastity, not this having-it-all-ways-fake-biblical chastity where you bonk with abandon but only with your spouse — I don’t ever recall thinking ‘…and I coulda bin a c——-‘!

  • rtj1211

    Look, mate, it’s a bit unfair on Bernie’s daughters to say that no-one can marry them short of them giving away their inheritance.

    They weren’t around to tell Bernie to stop bonking his Yugoslav bombshell senseless, were they??

    I never realised that human rights now depended on daddy’s bank account only being of the size defined by some arbitration panel as fitting within the financial ‘golden ratio’.

    If some bloke who isn’t a billionaire has the hots for them, you say he’s a gold-digger. If they marry a billionaire’s son, you’ll cry ‘ossification of ruling classes by marriage’.

    Who WOULD be acceptable for them to marry, mate??

    • Sanctimony

      A dwarf trawler skipper with a homicidal chip on his shoulder, perhaps…

  • global city

    Taki. I thought that you’d be onto the inherent hypocrisy that is PC?
    J Zee is Black, so comes second in the hierarchy of untouchable culture. he comes some way above Alec Baldwin who, whilst being white, prosperous and famous, is Left Wing, so was let off with a few stern observations about inappropriate language. If a Right Wing white man (or a Ukipper) had said what Baldwin did then the BBC, C4 and Newsnight would have ran with it as the top story for a month.

  • Yarny O’Knitman

    I work as a teacher in a prison and I no longer know what is offensive, illegal or racist, and I can never remember what the eight ( or are there more?) protected characteristics by which the modern teaching environment is governed. I do know what makes me laugh, though and i expect will be arrested for it.

  • Neotelemachus

    Taki. Sorry to hear you are replacing Bushido – my own Royal Huisman ketch (with a good Greek name) was moored near yours a few years ago in Palma and I had a good conversation with your New Zealand captain. No surprise about the double standards from the liberal elite – look at the outrage from the party of sleaze and spin at the attacks from the Tories about their relationship with another c**ksucker.

    • Fritz123

      Bushido is a fine man who just said what had to be said at least once.

  • Fritz123

    “Negro comes from nigrus and means black”, a negro from Nigeria who had Latin in school once told me when I asked him about that word.

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