Q. I very recently attended my son’s black-tie leavers’ ball at his school on one of the hottest evenings of the year. I thought it would be good opportunity to wear my white jacket and was very surprised to find that nearly everyone else was in the usual black DJ. I spoke to the one other man who was wearing a white jacket, observing that if you couldn’t wear it in mid-summer, when could you? He suggested that there was a formality about not wearing a white tux north of a certain latitude, but was not precise on this point. This sounded pompous nonsense to me, but do you have any views or rulings on this, Mary?
— J.M.S., Shipston-on-Stour

A. This debate is a little bit 20th-century. White dinner jackets were for going on cruises and abroad, whether to India or to China, or for pretending to be dodgy in Italy. In this country they have never quite taken hold, but there is a case to be made. In the meantime, however, there is an indefinable something about them which smacks slightly of the show-off.

Q. I have been invited to the wedding of a well-established couple. In a pleasant whimsical way they indicated on the invitation that they have ‘already enough toasters and coasters’, so to please ‘not buy something we already got, rather contribute to our savings pot’. They did add that the main thing they wished was for us all to be present at their nuptials. I have accepted the invitation but don’t feel inclined to contribute gift or cash now. And anyway, how much would be appropriate? There is no mention of an anonymous collection box. What do you suggest?
— R.B., London SW3

A. The request strikes the wrong note. Moreover it is an own goal. Someone should do the couple a favour and give them the bald truth — ‘I have conducted a straw poll. No one knows how much to give, so you risk getting nothing at all.’ Suggest they reverse the diktat and allow people to bring conventional presents. They can always recycle these as birthday or wedding presents for other people. In this way they will receive ‘cash’, though in the form of multiple savings on future expenses.

Q. I have a secretary who every few months blossoms into a great beauty for about four days, and then goes and has a savagely short haircut which my wife agrees is severe and unflattering. We get along well and, were I to mention my preference, she is not the sort to accuse me of harassment — but how can I do so without seeming as though I am spending too much time thinking about her looks?
— H.S., London SW1.

A. Do nothing. It is a pity for your secretary not to make the most of herself, but much better for you that she should not be distractingly attractive.