manners
Dear Mary: How do I avoid getting shown up by a more chivalrous bachelor?
Q. My godfather, who has managed to get me a valuable internship in the Far East, has also sent me…
Dear Mary: Can I remain friends with someone who has a frozen face?
Q. A close friend of my own age, 52, has had various things done to her face and now looks…
Dear Mary: How can I catch a ‘re-gifter’ out?
Q. I live in a small house in Hampstead and have taken in a friend of a friend as a…
Dear Mary: Can I retract a party invitation without causing offence?
Q. A very likeable woman has joined the company I work for and also just moved to my village. I…
Dear Mary: Do we turn up at a party even though no written invitation arrived?
Q. An extremely old friend is a successful purveyor of high-end goods. Last time we saw him he invited us…
Dear Mary: How do we tie down an invitation to our friends’ holiday home?
Q. Some friends of ours have an amazing house on the coast in Kenya. Every time we see them they…
Dear Mary: How can I turn down invitations without offending people?
Q. I was recently lent six books by a friend I see regularly for yoga. I was bemoaning the fact…
Dear Mary: Should I leave a tip for my hard-up friend’s imaginary daily?
Q. My son’s new girlfriend is really sweet but my husband and I find it annoying how she puts her…
Dear Mary: How do I avoid offending old friends if I don’t recognise them at a party?
Q. I am shortly to attend a big London party at which I will see many old acquaintances. However, first…
Dear Mary: do my AirPods make me look like an imbecile?
Q. My printer is broken, so I asked my neighbour to print off a letter for me. It was from…
Dear Mary: How do I find out if my handsome bathroom salesman is single?
Q. A decade ago I commissioned a handmade velvet opera coat from a fabulous local designer. She was then struggling…
Dear Mary: Do I have to read the romantic novel my neighbour has based on me?
Q. A woman in our village has written a romantic novel in which one of the leading characters is said…
Dear Mary: How can I find out who else is coming to a house party?
Q. I have accepted an invitation to a five-day house party in Scotland. I know it is a breach of…
Dear Mary: How do I get a Lycra-wearing cyclist to dress for drinks?
Q. A good friend often cycles over when I invite him for drinks. The trouble is he insists on turning…
Dear Mary: How do we avoid having dinner with our new cruise friends every night?
Q. My twins’ birthday is coming up, but we will be in the country. Their godparents are usually punctilious, but…
Dear Mary: how can I set my daughter up with a nice young man?
Q. I am soon to entertain a house party on a sporting estate. We took the same house last year…
Dear Mary: Was I wrong to strip my guest’s bed before she left?
Q. My friend has had an irritating experience in our local cinema. She speaks fluent French and teaches it in…
Dear Mary: How do I calculate how much caviar to take?
Q. While on holiday in Corfu, we met a rather nice man who invited us to his house for dinner.…
Dear Mary: Help! My neighbour keeps getting me drunk
Q. We have a neighbour who always overfills my glass. I beg her not to. Even if I commit the…
Dear Mary: How can I get through a long, exhausting wedding?
Q. When I have an arrangement to meet a certain friend for lunch she sometimes turns up with a streaming…
Dear Mary: How do we handle staying with friends with very different political views?
Q. We are going to stay with some old friends who we haven’t seen for a couple of years as…
Dear Mary: How can I get enough champagne at a party?
Q. I had the same Spanish housekeeper for 25 years and was devoted to her, and she to me. She…
Dear Mary: Where should I seat Hollywood stars at dinner?
Q. My husband and I have recently made very good friends with some neighbours in France. They know I am…
Dear Mary: How do I ditch my slow-walking friend?
Q. I recently attended an opera on a friend’s estate in Kent. It was a multi-generational, non-ticketed, invitation-only event. The…
Dear Mary: How do I stop my friends going on about their ‘neurodivergence’?
Q. Everyone I know pretends to have neurodivergence to make themselves seem more unusual and so they can talk about…
