DIY

My toilet ultimatum to the builder boyfriend

9 May 2020 9:00 am

The rain showers had a strange and wondrous effect. All the cyclists, joggers and dog walkers that were coming from…

Too much photocopying but stick with it: The Assistant reviewed

2 May 2020 9:00 am

First, the latest digital film release: The Assistant, starring Julia Garner in a slowly, slowly, catchy, catchy tale that won’t…

The builder b and I are engaged in a toilet war

8 June 2019 9:00 am

No sooner had the builder boyfriend finished digging for no good reason in the basement than his attention turned to…

Now that Brexit’s been cancelled I’m moving to the Dordogne

18 May 2019 9:00 am

‘When you are in a hole stop digging. Have you never heard that?’ I asked the builder boyfriend, as he…

Professional villagers won’t rest until they have eliminated mud from the countryside

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Don’t touch anything sharp. Don’t saw anything or drill anything or sand anything,’ said the builder boyfriend as he left…

Creidt: macida

A festive rapprochement with the ex-builder boyfriend

5 January 2019 9:00 am

1 January. Rooms left in house to decorate: 1 (only the attic, therefore doesn’t count).Walls plastered by self with no…

Me and my gun

30 June 2018 9:00 am

Finally, I got my hands on a gun. About the size of a sawn-off shotgun it was, just under 20in…

It’s war in my neighbourhood – and this time it’s gloves off

16 June 2018 9:00 am

After sanding floorboards for two days I became even more demented than usual. The hand sander was the exact right…

Now I know how the Karate Kid felt

2 June 2018 9:00 am

Now I know how the Karate Kid felt. Two hours after I began oiling the newly laid deck in my…

Melissa Kite: No more Cinderella complex; no more males rescuers needed

13 January 2018 9:00 am

‘Not being rude, but I don’t think you should do any DIY,’ said the gamekeeper. He had just witnessed me…

Real life

7 October 2017 9:00 am

How reassuringly like old times it is, going to a God-forsaken retail park with Stefano. We mooch about the DIY…