Builder Boyfriend

Real life

7 October 2017 9:00 am

How reassuringly like old times it is, going to a God-forsaken retail park with Stefano. We mooch about the DIY…

Real life

9 September 2017 9:00 am

Stefano the Albanian turned up in a brand new Audi off-roader, cutting quite the dash. He looked older, with some…

Real life

8 July 2017 9:00 am

Last night, I had dinner at the M25 services. I don’t mean I stopped for a break mid-journey. I mean…

The left-wing lunacy of Tooting Honey Toilets

2 January 2016 9:00 am

‘Sadly, the world is filled with apathy,’ said my friend, as we looked at our sad little list of conscripts…

My rich leftie neighbours must be in a state of psychotic denial — or stoned

16 May 2015 9:00 am

The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…

Maybe it is time to hang up my fighting boots

25 April 2015 9:00 am

As a wise person once said (or if they didn’t, they should have), there is only one thing worse than…

Farewell, Cobham — oh flat, boring, lovely Cobham; hello, Dorking

4 April 2015 9:00 am

Farewell then, Cobham. You were the place I ran to when the metropolis became too much, and urban life overwhelmed…

The impossibility of ordering the right-sized salad

15 November 2014 9:00 am

People don’t listen. It’s a relatively new thing. People used to listen, to varying degrees. You had your good listeners…

The pleasures of being a boring old unmarried couple

16 August 2014 9:00 am

The problem with not getting married, I am increasingly realising, is that you cannot get divorced. There is no mechanism…

Should I report my boyfriend to the police?

28 June 2014 9:00 am

Driving along in the car, listening to the radio news, the boyfriend turned to me and said he thought the…

Melissa Kite’s inventory of life (the ex-boyfriends’ possessions they left behind)

7 December 2013 9:00 am

Emmylou Harris and the McGarrigle sisters wrote a song called ‘All I left Behind’. My version is called ‘All They…

Melissa Kite: I really didn't mean what I said to my boyfriend while he was in the bath

23 November 2013 9:00 am

The builder boyfriend and I have had a terrible row. In the heat of the moment, I said something truly…

Melissa Kite — after nearly 40 years of riding, all I know is: horses are horses. They are not people

5 October 2013 9:00 am

Natural horsemanship has a lot to answer for. After a cross country event the other day, I rode back to…