‘Why do you say “we’ve got to talk” when what you mean is I’ve got to listen?’

Talk

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘A spreadsheet on a memory stick would have been fine.’

Spreadsheet

12 April 2014 9:00 am

Spgti

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘That Shard is a monstrosity, don’t you think?’

Shard

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Enough of the jewels, potatoes and tobacco, Sir Walter. Tell me more about e-cigarettes.’

Ecigs

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘So, where are we off to today?’

Dummies

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘As we all know, Jeffrey was an alcoholic… erm… sorry… workaholic’

Husband

12 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Cannabis, actually.’

Farmers

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘We must do lunch some day.’

Cooks

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘The A stands for appeasement.’

Captain

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘There’s a copy of Crime and Punishment in the cake.’

Prisoners

5 April 2014 9:00 am

Costa

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘We were always an odd couple. I’m a man, she’s a woman — it was never going to work.’‘We were always an odd couple. I’m a man, she’s a woman — it was never going to work.’

Bar

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Stop calling us ugly and we’ll stop inflicting emotional child abuse.’

Cinderella

5 April 2014 9:00 am

Warning

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘My job title doesn’t really reflect what I do.’

Title

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘What’s wrong? You’ve hardly touched your phone.’

Phone

5 April 2014 9:00 am

Psychologist

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Sure saves on a wedding photographer.’

Wedding

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘I feel it only fair to warn you that from this point on your life will change for ever.’

Shoes

5 April 2014 9:00 am

Mp

5 April 2014 9:00 am

‘There’s only one sanction Putin will respond to – we must throw Russia out of the Eurovision Song Contest immediately.’

Eurovision

29 March 2014 9:00 am

Booty

29 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Congratulations! It’s a jobless young person.’

Jobless

29 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Men — they’re all the same.’

Burka

29 March 2014 9:00 am