Competition

Spectator Competition: Budding poets

21 March 2026 9:00 am

Comp. 3441 invited you to use the opening of Philip Larkin’s poem ‘Trees’ as a starting point for your own.…

Spectator Competition: No thanks

14 March 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3440 you were invited to supply a diplomatic thank-you letter for an unwanted gift. According to a recent…

Spectator Competition: The borrowers

7 March 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3439 you were invited to build an undiscovered poem around a phrase lifted from an earlier poet. The…

Spectator Competition: Hope stings

28 February 2026 9:00 am

Competition 3438 was inspired by the 1986 film Clockwise, in which John Cleese is constantly impeded in his attempt to…

Spectator Competition: Wintry look

21 February 2026 9:00 am

Competition 3437 invited you to submit a passage or poem incorporating the line ‘Why, what’s the matter, That you have…

Spectator Competition: Love is…

14 February 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3436 you were invited to submit a poem whose first line is ‘O my love is like [fill…

Spectator Competition: Veg out

7 February 2026 9:00 am

Competition 3435 invited you to write a poem that included Wendy Cope’s immortal line ‘A happier cabbage you never did…

Spectator Competition: I’ll take Manhattan

31 January 2026 9:00 am

Competition 3434 was prompted by the 400th anniversary of the retrospectively controversial purchase of Manhattan island by the Dutchman Peter…

Spectator Competition: Dear John

24 January 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3443 you were invited to submit a dear John letter in the style of a well-known writer. The…

Spectator Competition: Alternative facts

17 January 2026 9:00 am

Competition 3432 invited you to submit a passage containing some AI-style ‘hallucinations’ (it would be just as anthropomorphic to call…

Spectator Competition: Elementary

10 January 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3431, you were invited to submit a passage in which Sherlock Holmes solves one of the great mysteries…

Spectator Competition: Forward thinking

3 January 2026 9:00 am

For Competition 3430 you were invited to write a rhyming prophecy for 2026. Joe Houlihan’s closing couplet encapsulates the tenor…

Spectator Competition: Write Christmas

13 December 2025 9:00 am

Competition 3429 invited you to tell the story of the Nativity in the style of a well-known writer. There were…

Spectator Competition: Frankenpoem

6 December 2025 9:00 am

Comp. 3428 was inspired by Rose Ruane’s Larkin/Shelley mash-up (many thanks to Bill Greenwell for flagging this up): They Oz…

Spectator Competition: Lines of beauty

29 November 2025 9:00 am

For Competition 3427 you were invited to write a paean on a place traditionally considered to be ugly. In an…

Spectator Competition: A letter from Jane

15 November 2025 9:00 am

Competition 3425 was prompted by Gill Hornby, a biographer of Jane Austen, telling an audience at the Cheltenham Literature Festival…

Spectator Competition: Bad advice

1 November 2025 9:00 am

Comp. 3423 invited you to submit a passage about a command or suggestion from literature being taken too literally. I…

Spectator Competition: Daylight saving

25 October 2025 9:00 am

For Competition 3422 you were invited to submit a poem or passage on the theme of ‘daylight saving’. In a…

Spectator Competition: Right to reply

18 October 2025 9:00 am

For Competition 3421 you were invited to submit a reply from Slough to offset Betjeman’s rude lines on the subject.…

Spectator Competition: Virtue-signalling

11 October 2025 9:00 am

For Competition 3420 you were invited to submit a poem or short story incorporating that sentence of Emerson’s: ‘The louder…

Spectator Competition: what day is it?

4 October 2025 9:00 am

For Comp 3419 you were invited to write a poem to mark National Vodka Day (4 October) or another spurious…

Spectator Competition: Trivial pursuits

27 September 2025 9:00 am

For Competition 3418 you were invited to provide a pompous leading article on a trivial subject. The ubiquity of ‘Hi’…

Spectator Competition: Forget me not

20 September 2025 9:00 am

Comp. 3417 invited you to write an elegy to a piece of obsolete technology. This prompted a deluge of very…