Columns
Send in the army
When Conservative prime ministers face a problem of logistics – from ambulance-driver shortages to border-force failures – there is a…
I told you so
‘Steady on, old chap. You’re a bit hard on the boy.’ The arm around my shoulder was that of Boris…
Did the British Empire exterminate mermaids?
I may have broken the law this week, without having intended to, so great was my rush to return home.…
A win for the film critics of Bradford
As a general rule, you should never talk about a film you haven’t seen. But The Lady of Heaven is…
Does advertising matter?
‘Stop! Don’t fast-forward. I love this advert!’ How often do you say that? Considering that some commercial breaks run to…
How to win my vote
The repeated injunction that we should all ‘move on’ from worrying our silly heads about partygate is as otiose as…
In defence of masculinity
Anyone who has passed through an education in thepast decade will have encountered the term ‘toxic masculinity’. It is one…
The closing of the Chinese mind
I was born in Nanjing five years after the Tiananmen Square protests. By then, records of the demonstrations and the…
Boris could be toppled by accident
Every Tory leader fears a plot against them. Their paranoia isn’t helped by the layout of Westminster, which lends itself…
Now for the hard bit
Boris Johnson has been plunged back into the mire of partygate. The publication of a photograph of Johnson raising a…
Airport officials are on a power trip
On my 2 p.m. arrival for a week-long work trip to South Africa a fortnight ago, an immigration agent flapped…
Along comes monkeypox
I hate to be one of those columnists who says ‘I told you so’. But I told you so. Looking…
The attention deficit
I have just posted a score of 1,625,000 on Bubbleshooter, my best yet. Bubbleshooter is a game where you fire…
The good friend I never knew
I have just read an extraordinary new book. It’s by a close and old pal whom I’d count as one…
Bad songs for a good cause
Twice during the Eurovision Song Contest our television lost the signal and the set went blank – once, mercifully, during…
Boris’s fighting talk
Boris Johnson has never quite been able to decide whether he wants to be a great unifier or a great…
The dishonesty of our age
It isn’t hard to notice that some crimes are more important than others. Or at least more politically advantageous. It…
The madness of ‘emotional support animals’
Sometimes an event or a phenomenon is so perplexing and so terrible that it’s best not to deal with it…
Britain’s national character flaws
Before we start, let’s firmly establish my long-standing affection for the United Kingdom. Why, some of my best friends are…
Auntie’s issues
At long last the state of Oregon has got around to installing tampon machines in the male lavatories of its…
How to handle the next pandemic
There has been a considerable hoo-hah in the press about the recent World Health Organisation report estimating Covid-related deaths internationally…
What gets lost amid silly scandals
I wonder if we will ever be able to resist fixing the suffix ‘gate’ to the end of any not-yet-sufficiently-salacious…
The losing game
When David Cameron was prime minister, the Tories flirted with the idea of a Queen’s Speech with no bills in…
Will Putin go nuclear?
A ghastly tragedy Ukraine may well be, but it is coming to the rescue of a number of British Conservative…
How fact killed my belief in forensics
I grew up in the golden age of forensic science, at a time when expert witnesses were becoming celebs, each…
