Q. My boyfriend and I have moved in with his parents for six weeks for various reasons. His mother is quite dominant in the kitchen, which is fine because I work full-time from home and she does all the meals, except I keep finding hairs in her cooking. It’s such an unpleasant feeling knowing there’s a hair in your mouth, but when I picked one out the other night I glimpsed her rolling her eyes at her husband. She has two dogs and I’m unsure if they’re dog or human hairs. I’ve calculated I will be sitting down for approximately 70 more meals with them. Can you help?

– Name and address withheld

A. No woman should even hint at any problems in her mother-in-law’s cooking. It will backfire big-time. Pretend not to notice any further hairs. Instead store them quietly, ready to layer over your boyfriend’s dish when his back is turned. Let him be the one to make a fuss.

Q. My younger brother is about to become engaged to a woman who has a horrible little habit. She makes a noise, somewhere between a snore and a snort, as she clears her nose. When they hosted me for dinner last week she snorted at the rate of about once per minute. She is going to be the breadwinner, so maybe that’s why my brother feels he cannot say anything. I imagine that for him it has become part of the white noise of the household, but I worry about his social life as I don’t imagine many of his friends will be able to put up with it. How can I stop her?

– F.B., London W11

A. Actors are desperate for work and, by asking around, you will easily find one delighted to help – ideally by posing as a Texan at a dinner, this time one hosted by you. Script her to say the following: ‘Hey, make that noise again! That snorting noise! Why, that’s the noise I used to make myself when I was a little girl. Oh, it takes me back. My Daddy loved it but he said other folk would find it annoying and so he took me to a therapist so I could stop it.’ Beaming excitedly she can continue: ‘Did you even know you were doing it?’

Q. My teenage daughter wants to have her teeth whitened using an inexpensive method and does not believe me that she will regret it. Any suggestions?

– W.M., Cardiff

A. Buy her a set of clip-on veneers for only £18 from Hexecare.com. As she wears them around the house, it will dawn on her how jarring a permanent fake white against the skin would be. All this may have come about because she feels pressured by how she looks when lined up next to friends in group photos. The veneers will serve her well for that purpose.

Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk.