In a surprise announcement early this morning, former Liberal Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and current Liberal leader-in-waiting Andrew Hastie have announced plans to form the New Liberal Party as a major force in centre-right politics to counter the rise of One Nation.
Rumours of the association between the two highly popular forces in centre-right politics began to swirl earlier in the week when both individuals came out with astonishingly powerful and similar comments on the ABC outlining opposition to Donald Trump and his deplorable war against Iran.
Said a spokesperson for the New Liberals:
‘Malcolm Turnbull has a long friendship with the people of Iran as was demonstrated when his extremely talented Foreign Minister Julie Bishop set about improving inter-governmental relationships by giving her counterpart in the Iranian government a personal tour of Sydney’s beauty spots and donning a hijab in her reciprocal trip to Isfahan. Andrew Hastie, himself a former soldier held in great esteem by all his former colleagues bar, er, one or two, for his strong loyalty and devotion to fellow members of the SAS, has similarly attacked Donald Trump’s “huge miscalculation” in going to war against the Ayatollahs.’
The streets of Vaucluse were alive to the sound of fireworks and popping champagne corks in the wee hours of this morning as news of the New Liberals was mysteriously leaked from an anonymous internet server somewhere on the harbour’s foreshores.
‘What Australia has lacked since 2018 is a decent centrist party that combines the economic values and integrity of Labor with the environmental wisdom and foresight of the Teals,’ said a spokeswoman who only identified herself as ‘My wife Lucy’.
‘What the New Liberals offer is an escape for concerned and compassionate everyday Australians from the old way of doing politics and a genuine return to a vibrant and innovative party of talented and charismatic leaders who utterly reject the far-right and neo-conservative policies of the extreme fascist right, such as Donald Trump, One Nation, and the Coalition.’
A quick poll of voters in Harbourside Drive, Point Piper, delivered surprise results, with over 90 per cent of those questioned clearly in support of the new party.
‘I used to vote for the Liberals, back in their heyday of around 2016, then I switched to the Teals, but now I’m looking for a party that stands up for the common everyday hard-working renewables hedge-fund manager, like me, and is prepared to stand up against the war-mongering, genocidal, imperialist policies of Donald Trump.’
Dave Sharma and Andrew Bragg were approached for comment, but both declined due to having ‘a bit of a hangover this morning’.
