Crack open the warm bitter. Dust down the bunting. Put Elgar’s ‘Nimrod’ on repeat. For at last we have something to make every true English heart swell with pride. It’s the stirring sight of that 76-year-old geezer who was arrested for wearing a burka attending court yesterday in… a burka. Oh, this blessed plot!
His name is Timothy Miller. He’s from Southampton. On 12 September he was arrested at an anti-immigration protest for parading about in an entombing niqab. The cops accused him of using the Islamic veil to conceal his identity. Not so, he replied: I really am an ageing student of Allah.
He repeated this defence at Portsmouth magistrates’ court yesterday. He lifted his veil – I’m cracking up – to confirm his name, address and date of birth. He then said he is ‘studying’ Islam and he wears the burqa to gain a ‘greater understanding’ of the faith. His draping veil was flawlessly accessorised with a fetching black handbag.
The sourpusses of the Islamo-left will wail ‘Islamophobia!’
Let’s not pre-judge this case. Let’s cast no doubt on his professed devotion to Islamic scholarship. I’m just here for the glorious spectacle of an old English fella in full mediaeval garb. It’s Les Dawson does Hamas. If he is taking the mick – and who are we to know? – then he’s braver than any British comic I can think of.
It feels so deliciously blasphemous, but in an entirely English way. It’s like someone put Benny Hill and Sam Harris in a blender. One might even say it’s a heroic feminist stunt – a valiant effort to draw attention to the awful effacement suffered by the women forced into these 7th-century cloaks.
The sourpusses of the Islamo-left will wail ‘Islamophobia!’. They’ll accuse him of ridiculing Islamic dress. But the burqa is ridiculous. We didn’t need a pensioner from Southampton to tell us that. It is cruel, brutish, backward, sexist and profoundly anti-social to make women drape themselves in public like this. If you’re alarmed when a white male pensioner pulls on a sackcloth but cool when a brown-skinned woman is forced to do so, you might want to have a word with yourself.
It’s possible this case will force some serious head-scratching in public life. Like, why is it potentially a crime for a British pensioner to cover his face but fine for a Muslim woman? Is it because she believes Muhammad flew to heaven on a winged horse and that women must wholly surrender the self to divine decree? If I embrace such truthless dogmas, can I also wear a mask on the street?
That discussion will come. At some point there’s going to be a furious debate about double standards, regressive beliefs and whether Britain really should let women go around in misogynistic desert-wear (my view is increasingly ‘No’). But for now, let’s just enjoy the thought of a pensioner lifting his niqab to say: ‘My name is Timothy Miller.’ No notes.
