And so it came to pass that a prophet arose from the banks of the Hudson River, a baby born to great wealth and riches yet abandoned amongst the skyscrapers and decadence of that tumultuous city of sin and inequity, of decadence and glamour. And as he grew into a young man he raised up shining towers of glittering gold whereupon the people said ‘What a great guy!’ and indeed did they fete him on their television shows and in their corridors of power. But his vision and his ambition were mighty indeed and he was hailed as a master who would take the young apprentices both man and woman and verily they would fight it out with their enterprise and their craftsmanship until he would summon them to his table and after passing judgment on their skills  and whose travails had surpassed all overs and impressed him the most he would call out to the loser, ‘So shall ye displease me, so shall ye be fired!’ And after many years in the sin and corruption of top-rating television shows and multi-billion dollar real estate deals, some of which floundered and others which caused great distress, as well as great amazement, there grew in his belly a yearning for a higher calling. But in those dark days the land was ruled by the King of the Husseinites, Barack Obama, who did mock the famous real estate mogul and laugh at him and make jokes about him even amongst his courtiers and the most esteemed and noble scribes at the White House Correspondent’s Ball even to his own face and such was the humility in the real estate billionaire that it gave rise to a fierce anger and a determination that could not be quenched and a desire for revenge that burned night and day. Verily did some years pass but soon it came time for the people to choose a new ruler to rule over them with the passing of the crown from Obama to the Queen of the Clintonites whose ambition knew no limits and whose desire for power at any cost could not be stopped. But then when the people themselves felt nothing but despair and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth at the sight of the Clintonite queen lording it over them, the chosen one did descend from on high as if coming down a golden escalator and verily with love in his heart did he reach out to the basket of deplorables and they covered their heads in red caps and chanted for salvation from the ruling and hated scorn of the elites.

And so it came to pass that the people chose him to rule over them and mighty was his victory. But alas, mischief still stirred in the hearts of the remnants of the Clintonites and the Husseinites and they found amongst themselves a doddery old man, witless and barely capable of speech or thought, and thus did they think to themselves verily this old fool could be as to us as a puppet or marionette is on a string and we could rule again from behind the scenes and letting him make strange utterances such as have no meaning but first we must take it upon ourselves to stuff as many ballot boxes as we can. But a great darkness fell upon the land as a mighty plague befell the world from the rotting fish markets and sword-making bio-labs of the Orient and the people did cower fearfully in their homes and cover their faces with masks of tissue and thus did nobody notice the ballots being stuffed until it was too late and King Doddery seized the land and stumbled across it even up the steps of his own airplane, not once, not twice, but thrice. And the people muttered to themselves, even as they prayed and bowed to the pagan gods of Woke, to the harlots and the demons of Diversity, Inclusion and Decolonisation, that surely there must be a better way.

And lo, it fell upon the world that on the fifth day of the tenth month of the twenty-fourth year of the twenty-first century, after four years in the political wilderness, the prophet returned to his rightful place seated behind the desk of the Oval office in the White House and there was much jubilation across the land. ‘I shall bring peace,’ he declared, and one by one he set about ending the wars of the nations, even stopping the Rwandans from smiting the Congolese, so too the Indians from smiting the Pakistanis and even the Azerbaijans from smiting the Armenians too. But still such miracles were not enough for the peoples of the world. ‘But what about the Holy Land?’ cried the crowds. ‘Can’t you fix that one up, too?’ For there had at that time befallen upon the lands of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob a great Evil, and the demons of Hamas had inflicted the most despicable and barbaric and vile deeds upon the children of Israel scores of whom they held hostage in the tunnels of Baal. And so the billionaire mogul travelled to the biblical lands to see how to set them free, whereupon he spotted a great real estate deal and envisioned a shining city of gleaming towers upon the sea rising from the ashes of the evil tunnels of despair and bloodshed and murder. ‘I have a twenty point plan,’ he declared and the mighty came from all the nations of the Earth (except for Albo who wasn’t invited) and they stood before him and bowed their heads and said ‘where do I sign?’

And so it came to pass that the twenty children of Israel were finally freed from the unholy bondages of Hamas and there was much jubilation and tears of joy across the land on top of which the real estate deal maker struck the greatest real estate deal of the Ages which brought with it great riches and – who knows? –maybe even an everlasting peace. And there endeth the Book of Trump. Except, of course, it doesn’t.