The big issue at PMQs today was the motion calling for an end to hostilities in Gaza. In itself this is extraordinary, bordering on the outright barmy. The British mandate in Palestine expired in 1948 but many MPs seem to imagine that this troubled corner of the Middle East is part of their constituencies. The derangement is strongest on the left where people who disparage everything the Empire once represented seem to pine for its reinstatement as soon as they find a hotspot they want to rescue. Some commentators wondered if ‘Batman syndrome’ would strike Sir Keir Starmer but he refused to don the cape and tights today. Instead he opted for the lawyer’s wig.

Starmer’s goal was to duck out of talking about Gaza early and avoid turning it into a headline issue. What he really needs is to patch together a ceasefire between the Blairite and Corbynite wings of his party. At the despatch box he ran down the clock and stuffed his questions with forgettable verbiage about Kemi Badenoch’s soon-to-be-forgotten tiff with a sacked civil servant. He pretended to get worked up about the Post Office compensation affair and he raised statements made in the house referring to letters exchanged ages ago about minor details of policy. No one will remember these footnotes in a few weeks’ time. Sir Keir played it safe. He said nothing about anything.

Then it was the SNP’s turn. Their leader in Westminster, Stephen Flynn, has the violent air of a frustrated slaughterman whose shift has ended early. It’s hard to imagine how he ever managed to win an election that involves speaking to voters in their porches. No sane house-holder would answer the door to a man who looks as if he sells slippers made out of puppies he personally drowned. Today was his big day. On paper, his aim was to save Gaza. In truth, his aim was to save SNP MPs threatened by the Labour surge in Scotland. It didn’t go well. His rhetoric lacked bite or passion. He read out the latest death toll of Palestinians, omitting to mention how many Israelis had died, and he added that 1.4 million people in Rafa are ‘waiting for an immediate Israeli onslaught.’ Then came his main point. ‘That does not amount to self-defence,’ he said.

Rishi dealt easily with this innocuous comment by repeating his calls for ‘an immediate humanitarian pause.’ Flynn’s second attempt was as bland as his first. He said that everyone could agree on the desirability of peace, ‘irrespective of their political allegiances. In reply, Rishi effectively told him that parliament’s opinion is worthless. ‘Calling for an immediate ceasefire now that collapses back into fighting in days or weeks is not in anyone’s interest.’

The SNP’s Batman sat down, having failed even to persuade the PM to consider an armistice. Up stepped another SNP peace-monger, Pete Wishart, who was once a pop musician. Wishart likened this evening’s motion to the parliamentary vote approving the invasion of Iraq in 2003. He told everyone how proud he was to have opposed Blair’s war and he hoped that the same pacifist spirit would inspire MPs today. A strange error to make. The vote in 2003 was about military action. Today’s vote concerns a statement about military action. Shooting people isn’t the same as staging debates and posing as saviours. Too many MPs believe that it is.