Q. I am organising a funeral for a close relative and am puzzled that some people wish to attend the wake but not the service of committal at the crematorium. My view is that if you want to enjoy the wake, which will be a good party in a perfect country pub, then you should be willing to pay your respects first. Should I simply not inform these people in advance of the wake venue, since it is usual for this to be revealed only at the funeral on the order of service sheet?

– Name and address withheld

A. You could reply: ‘We haven’t quite sorted out the wake yet but if you haven’t got time for the whole thing do pop in at the end of the funeral to find out the venue.’ However, the general rule for funeral planning is the more the merrier, so just be straightforward and give them the details. This is not a time to mete out punishments to the unimaginative who, should they fail to attend the service first, will be the ones to miss out.

Q. One of my daughters is engaged and we are all thrilled about it. The young man in question is the son of someone about whose paternity there has always been debate. I happen to know the real bloodline but obviously don’t want to be drawn into vulgar gossip about it. What should I say when people ask me: ‘Oh you must tell us. Is his grandfather X or Y?’ – Name and address withheld

A. Why not baffle them by asking ‘Is the Pope a Catholic?’ This will make them think the answer is so settled that there is no further discussion to be had. They would be reluctant to press for further clarification as this would show them up as being out of the loop.

Q. A friend wants to give up going to her book club because it bores her and they always veto her choices. The others also take the books far too seriously for her liking. This friend has been a member for 20 years – how can she stop going without offending, other than moving to the country?

– P.P., London NW3

A. Your friend must sit down immediately and type out 1,000 words of a story she can make up as she goes along. Next time she goes along to the book club she can reveal the exciting news that she has begun to write a novel herself. However, the bad news is that she is going to have to stop going to their book club meetings. She has found that she has too vivid an ability to conjure up in her mind the discouraging judgments of critics if the novel is ever finished and published. Consequently her progress is being impeded by self-consciousness and so she is sadly having to bow out until the novel is finally completed.

Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk