Once upon a time, in high school, our politics teacher asked us what the Australian national identity was.
To wit, we were stumped.
He then asked us what the Chinese national identity was. We rattled off all kinds of things – a common ethnicity, perception of oneself as the ‘Middle Kingdom’, Confucianism, and a few other spicy things teenage boys no doubt cacked themselves with.
Today, in 2023, what is the Australian national identity from a global point of view?
It isn’t one of the laid-back larrikin, thumbing his nose at giant spiders and authority. It isn’t the land where the beer flows and the men chunder. It definitely isn’t the sunburnt lucky country.
They wouldn’t be remiss to re-classify Australia as the land of untrustworthy, scheming authoritarians – a bunch of people who wouldn’t think twice about selling their mothers for an ounce of political gain. These are individuals that pickpocket their own people to paper over poor decision-making.
When the Federal government told the French they didn’t want cheese-eating-surrender-submarines after agreeing to them in the first place, people had to wonder – can these antipodeans be trusted? They are the descendants of convicts, after all. Surely, that’s just a stereotype…?
Nope: we spent $835 million of taxpayer money as a pardon moi after reneging on a $90 billion contract. Petty larceny around here, really.
The latest at-large criminal act was handed down by Teflon Chairman Dan Andrews, who ripped up yet another contract at his iron-willed behest, this time scuppering the Commonwealth Games in 2026.
After enthusiastically announcing it would be a boon for regional Victoria just before the election, it’s suddenly too costly. All cost, no benefit. Someone’s been skimming through economics textbooks, it would seem.
But hey, don’t worry. It’s only disrupted the lives of millions of Victorians and thousands of international sportspeople.
Again.
It’s all hunky-dory! We’ll just pay out the contract and everyone will be sweet. Hey, it’s government money! It just suddenly appears, like birds. I mean, Dictator Dan did it for the East-West Link, and that worked out great (for him).
Spending money to do nothing, just like those council hi-vis types that lean against excavators for a living – that’s the modern Australian way.
If you are an international businessperson and you’re already wavering at the prospect of doing business in Australia, well, fair enough. Cultural commissars already demand you refrain from building a fence lest you disturb the ancient spirits past who may or may not exist. The lights may not be on all the time, despite more energy being beneath our feet than we know what to do with. Oh yeah, and no one seems to be in reach of a calculator – least of all our State or Federal Treasurers.
If we’re overseas and we announce we’re Australian, don’t be too surprised if concerned ladies clutch their purses tighter. I wouldn’t trust us either.
