Flat White

How good is ScoMo’s ‘new and improved formula’ national anthem?

2 January 2021

4:38 PM

2 January 2021

4:38 PM

Ever since Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s (ridiculous) decision to announce via Tweet the changing of Australia’s national anthem, the usual suspects of left-wing activism have been out in force. 

As quite literally everyone predicted, giving in to Marxist pressure to erase pieces of our national identity has only encouraged radical fringe groups to issue further demands. 

Now that the anthem is changing, why not get rid of it entirely? Why do we have ‘anthems’ when they are an indelible mark of colonial oppression? And the flag. Shit. That has to go immediately or at least put a kangaroo on it. In fact, why did you change the anthem to ‘one’ when Australian land is stolen land? Everyone who can’t find a distant indigenous relative must start paying up every year to atone (please forward these cheques directly to your local Marxist group). 

Ah, the Marxist fantasy – an infinite cash cow based upon race. Push any activist far enough on the anthem and you’ll end up with them drooling over reparations. 


To be fair, the only people happy with the decision to edit the anthem are the Liberal wets who suffocate Morrison, wrapping around his eyes and ears like a blanket after it was used to towel off a dog. 

Happy New Year Australia, because we are one and free!” — Scott Morrison 

In ten short words, he managed to infuriate the blue ribbon base, reinvigorate the anti-Australian activists, and stir up a whole new group of people sick and tired of government lockdowns who fiercely object to the word ‘free’. 

Despite all the uproar, every now and then one deluded group of professional trolls gifts you a comedy gem. 

The Mad Fucking Witches -– who consist of roughly twelve people famous for their online censorship campaigns designed to erase conservative voices, dismantle the free press, and ruin hard-working Australian businesses that refuse to bow to their specific breed of radical politics –- came up with the following tweet: 

While there is a strong temptation to scorn their racist attempt at a homonym (it’s not called Advance Australia FAIR for nothing), I find that it is infinitely more fun to throw one back at them instead: 

Fair (adjective) 1. Treating people equally without favouritism or discrimination. “The group has achieved fair and equal representation for all its members.” 

If anything, our national anthem is falling over itself to be lovey-dovey and inclusive. Now, who wants to get French President Macron on the phone for a chat about La Marseillaise? 

Alexandra Marshall is an independent writer. If you would like to support her work, shout her a coffee over at Ko-Fi.

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