Two years ago this week, my stepson came home wearing an Arabic black thawb. He walked into the sitting-room, smiled defiantly at me and at his father, and asked us how he looked. We were a little shocked, but being English of course we said he looked very nice.
Our boy had never shown any interest in religion before he found Islam at 16. We’re atheists, and we raised him to be tolerant of all faiths but wary of anyone selling easy answers. It all began after he left school. He was feeling slightly isolated, depressed and vulnerable after breaking up with his first girlfriend, so we were pleased when he began college and some new friends appeared. They were all young Muslim men. Around seven of them would pile into my stepson’s bedroom every evening and we would hear the shouts and yelps of teenage boys amusing themselves.
It all seemed so normal; it all was so normal. So much so that, when a prayer mat and textbooks on the Qur’an appeared on a shelf in his room, it came as something of a surprise. His father and I discussed his conversion between ourselves but, naively, we saw it as cosmetic change. This was, we reasoned, our boy’s version of going punk or vegan for a few months. We believed that this ‘conversion’ would be a harmless passing phase. We were wrong.
Over the next few months we saw the boy we knew become buried beneath a spiritual totalitarianism. The word Islam means submission. It allows you to love nothing else; to be a good Muslim, you must surrender yourself completely. Under the informal tutelage of his new friends, our boy eagerly took on the attitudes of his Muslim ‘brothers’ in place of his former personality. Why, he protested, didn’t I cook every night? Why didn’t I ‘look after’ him and his dad like a good (Muslim) woman would? I was lazy, I was ‘irresponsible’, he would say, a smug little smile on his face. I felt angry and sad.
To keep the peace, I tried to take it as a joke, informing him that I had a career that involved more than just having babies. Gradually though, I found myself worn down by his attitude.
It wasn’t just women who found themselves at the sharp end of our boy’s new found sagacity. A news story about Afghanistan prompted him to join in our discussion of politics, something which in the past had been of no interest to him. He informed us that the problems in the region were the fault of ‘The Jews’; everything bad in the world could be laid at the door of ‘The Jews’. The Holocaust never happened, he insisted, but in the same breath he would say that ‘the Nazis should have finished them off’. ‘The Jews’ had caused the world financial crisis and, of course, ‘The Jews’ were the reason why he couldn’t find work. It was not because he had neither qualifications nor work experience, although that was probably their fault too.
Before his conversion, we had together watched Four Lions, the Chris Morris comedy about young British jihadis, and laughed at the idiotic prejudices of the white convert character, Barry. Now our normal teenage boy had been replaced by a caricature. We challenged him, thinking reasonableness would see him acquiesce. But we were not dealing with a rational mind. Our Muslim boy would heed no evidence against his argument and neither did he require any evidence to justify his prejudices. He just shook his head at our ‘blindness’, our blasphemous absence of faith. We’d see, he said, the familiar smug smile appearing: it was all in the Qur’an. We should convert before it was too late.
Some of you reading this might dismiss me as a bigot, prejudiced against a religion I do not understand. But please ask yourselves how you would feel if your child started spouting hate-filled bile against homosexuals, women, Jews, anyone in fact, who wasn’t a Muslim man? Every day we fought, struggled, wept and grieved for the boy. All we wanted was our son back.
Two years later, we have started to make some progress. Every day he returns to us a little more. His eyes have light in them again. It’s almost as if he is recovering from some disease. He explains his reversion succinctly: ‘I realised that I was good enough, that I didn’t need to follow someone else’s idea of what I should be.’ He can now take responsibility for his life rather than seeking to blame others. He is maturing. He no longer needs the support of a tribe, which is what attracts Muslims from all backgrounds and nations to the idea of jihad. I’ve come to think that it is youth, not persecution or poverty, that these Islamic State groupies have in common, an embryonic sense of identity. For them, blaming America for the world’s problems is the equivalent of shouting at their parents that they ‘never asked to be born’.
Every time I hear of another young man who has lied to his family and gone to join the carnage in the Middle East my heart breaks. You can, if you choose to, ignore the problem of the Muslim radicalisation of our youth in the mosques and on the streets. It is, after all, so easy to tolerate what does not immediately affect you, and it’s nice to feel that one is liberal about Islam. But the lesson I’ve learnt is that we’re going to have to fight for our progressive democracy, because although you may tolerate Islam, Islam might not tolerate you. When it lives in your house, eats your food, sleeps under your roof, enjoys all the comforts you provide, all the while despising you, then you will be forced to make a choice.
Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.
Claire Stevens is a pseudonym.
You might disagree with half of it, but you’ll enjoy reading all of it. Try your first 10 weeks for just $10
Show comments
-
wayne
-
Chloe Ainsworth
-
Pootles
-
Chloe Ainsworth
-
Pootles
-
John Croston
-
Chloe Ainsworth
-
Clamjouster
-
Chloe Ainsworth
-
-
-
Mike
-
Suzy61
-
Chloe Ainsworth
-
Mike
-
-
-
-
Herb Suhl
-
Kennybhoy
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Pootles
-
-
Herb Suhl
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
sarah_13
-
lookout
-
Kaine
-
lookout
-
-
-
Herb Suhl
-
-
-
BigCheddar
-
Advocatus_Diaboli_69
-
Tom M
-
John Croston
-
Advocatus_Diaboli_69
-
Tom M
-
Advocatus_Diaboli_69
-
-
-
Mary
-
-
John Dalton
-
Ambientereal
-
willshome
-
Ambientereal
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ambientereal
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ambientereal
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Steven Carr
-
Ambientereal
-
Steven Carr
-
Ambientereal
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Steven Carr
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Steven Carr
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Dr. Heath
-
Pufferfish
-
Dr. Heath
-
scroggs
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Dr. Heath
-
Bob_at_large
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
David P
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pufferfish
-
PaulLibertarian
-
Tim Morrison
-
pax4pax
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Kennie
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Tim Morrison
-
sevanclaig
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Tim Morrison
-
Merchantman
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ambientereal
-
lookout
-
Ambientereal
-
TotallyPeeved
-
Ambientereal
-
Pootles
-
Ian Crause
-
Andy Mason
-
Ian Crause
-
Ranger Ginger
-
Pootles
-
Deedee Gross
-
Alistair Kerr
-
Joanne
-
Pootles
-
SOMARA556
-
petepassword
-
Tim Morrison
-
Wee Scitter
-
Mamasheadtrip
-
Tim Morrison
-
PaulLibertarian
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
PaulLibertarian
-
Nick L
-
PaulLibertarian
-
Wee Scitter
-
Tom Allalone
-
Tim Morrison
-
Tom M
-
Tim Morrison
-
Tom M
-
Tim Morrison
-
Ian Crause
-
Tim Morrison
-
ADW
-
wri7913
-
Tim Morrison
-
Deedee Gross
-
Tim Morrison
-
Deedee Gross
-
Tim Morrison
-
Deedee Gross
-
Tim Morrison
-
Deedee Gross
-
Tim Morrison
-
Deedee Gross
-
Tim Morrison
-
Abbey Lane
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Cumberland
-
Cromulent
-
Tim Morrison
-
Cromulent
-
Tim Morrison
-
wri7913
-
Ian Crause
-
stupocalypse
-
Ambientereal
-
stupocalypse
-
Omar
-
Udith Fonseka
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Mamasheadtrip
-
Dryermartinithanyours
-
global city
-
wri7913
-
Deedee Gross
-
cartimandua
-
TotallyPeeved
-
fatcat
-
-
Mamasheadtrip
-
Tim Morrison
-
Janet Graham Johnson
-
Hogspace
-
Terry Field
-
Wee Scitter
-
Terry Field
-
Wee Scitter
-
Terry Field
-
Wee Scitter
-
Terry Field
-
Cloud Strife
-
stupocalypse
-
Lydia Robinson
-
-
uberwest
-
Captain_Hook
-
Ambientereal
-
-
grumpy_old_ben
-
Cuki
-
Zara Mikazuki
-
stupocalypse
-
-
Tim Morrison
-
Auntiemilibland
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
grumpy_old_ben
-
liam
-
Dan
-
Lydia Robinson
-
-
StJohnofAustria
-
FAKIA
-
-
Sean L
-
Anthorny
-
-
Anthorny
-
Mc
-
Bonkim
-
I_of_Horus
-
-
Matthew Stevens
-
Pootles
-
NOYB12345
-
Matthew Stevens
-
NOYB12345
-
Tim Morrison
-
Nick
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Tim Morrison
-
SOMARA556
-
Damaris Tighe
-
SOMARA556
-
Damaris Tighe
-
SOMARA556
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Pootles
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Tim Morrison
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Matthew Stevens
-
Sean L
-
I_of_Horus
-
Sean L
-
Suzy61
-
little islander
-
Nicholas C
-
wayne
-
whs1954
-
Matthew Stevens
-
-
-
Cymrugel
-
I_of_Horus
-
Suzy61
-
Linda Smith
-
-
SOMARA556
-
Gabriele
-
-
-
Colonel Mustard
-
Sarka
-
little islander
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
little islander
-
Jim
-
Bonkim
-
-
-
Kennybhoy
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Bonkim
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Bonkim
-
eclair
-
wayne
-
eclair
-
-
-
RobertC
-
Bonkim
-
-
ADW
-
Bonkim
-
ADW
-
Bonkim
-
ADW
-
-
-
-
Josh Christian
-
Pootles
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Pootles
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Fergus Pickering
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Fergus Pickering
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Fergus Pickering
-
Tim Morrison
-
Fergus Pickering
-
Tim Morrison
-
Sarka
-
Damaris Tighe
-
of_dragonflies
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Matthew Stevens
-
ADW
-
whs1954
-
Gabriele
-
whs1954
-
whs1954
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
-
John Cronin
-
Mike
-
Kevinr
-
John Cronin
-
-
Omar
-
-
I_of_Horus
-
Udith Fonseka
-
-
-
Sarka
-
ADW
-
Millennial Woes
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
Millennial Woes
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
Lawrence in Arabia
-
David Prentice
-
-
ajcb
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Bonkim
-
RobertC
-
Bonkim
-
RobertC
-
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Guest
-
Bonkim
-
-
Sean L
-
Bonkim
-
I_of_Horus
-
Bonkim
-
Sean L
-
Bonkim
-
-
-
Kennybhoy
-
-
-
Bonkim
-
David Prentice
-
Bonkim
-
RobertC
-
-
-
-
sarah_13
-
RobertC
-
NOYB12345
-
RobertC
-
-
-
-
Rik
-
Teacher
-
Kennybhoy
-
Teacher
-
-
Alexandrovich
-
-
Des Demona
-
lookout
-
gram64
-
Damaris Tighe
-
RobertC
-
sarah_13
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
Kennybhoy
-
RobertC
-
-
-
Kennybhoy
-
-
Andrew Morton
-
BonzoDog
-
-
NOYB12345
-
David Prentice
-
Pootles
-
David Prentice
-
Pootles
-
-
-
Anthony Miller
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Anthony Miller
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
NOYB12345
-
Liz
-
-
NOYB12345
-
Pootles
-
NOYB12345
-
Pootles
-
NOYB12345
-
-
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Pootles
-
-
-
Mike
-
-
Sean L
-
Pootles
-
Sean L
-
BetrayedRosse
-
-
-
-
Mike
-
Linda Smith
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Linda Smith
-
-
Mike
-
-
-
Kaine
-
jesseventura2
-
sarahsmith232
-
Linda Smith
-
sarahsmith232
-
-
-
DrCaligari
-
Linda Smith
-
The Laughing Cavalier
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
Richard
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Linda Smith
-
-
-
The Blue Baron
-
ukipifyouwantto
-
Sean L
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
greggf
-
Tom M
-
Common Sense ✟ كافر
-
Linda Smith
-
Tim Morrison
-
Tim Morrison
-
-
-
Tim Morrison
-
BetrayedRosse
-
Tim Morrison
-
BetrayedRosse
-
-
-
-
-
Common Sense ✟ كافر
-
John Croston
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
dave
-
John Croston
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Tim Morrison
-
-
-
stag
-
John Carins
-
Michael Leschziner
-
Sean L
-
John Carins
-
-
-
hdb
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Liz
-
-
tzioneretz
-
Ilya Grushevskiy
-
hdb
-
Jodi
-
mandelson
-
Druth
-
jeffersonian
-
Richard
-
Gentleman Jim Crow
-
margot gordon
-
João Manuel Gomes
-
quovadis2014
-
lojolondon
-
Jack Smith
-
whs1954
-
radicalmoselem
-
Nick
-
zchug
-
Vengeful Fruitcake
-
Nele Schindler
-
global city
-
Picquet
-
Ave Ashley Victoria E
-
Roger Hudson
-
Steven Carr
-
Mary
-
Tim Morrison
-
Mary
-
Tim Morrison
-
Mary
-
Tim Morrison
-
-
-
-
-
cromwell
-
Tim Morrison
-
cromwell
-
Tim Morrison
-
cromwell
-
-
-
-
-
Auntiemilibland
-
cromwell
-
Auntiemilibland
-
-
-
cromwell
-
Rowland Nelken
-
Lamia
-
Newts
-
Jim
-
Newts
-
Jim
-
Newts
-
Jim
-
-
-
-
Richard
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Richard
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
-
-
-
vp
-
Sarka
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Richard
-
-
-
-
Abbey Lane
-
Raymond of Canada
-
Bonkim
-
-
Robyn Stewart Hansen
-
Tim Morrison
-
-
Richard
-
Mike
-
Bonkim
-
Richard
-
Mike
-
Richard
-
-
-
-
Bonkim
-
Richard
-
-
-
Mike
-
70sgirly
-
grumpy_old_ben
-
Mike
-
-
-
I-RIGHT-I
-
Liz
-
Alistair Kerr
-
Guy Moran
-
Suzy61
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
-
-
Bonkim
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
Guy Moran
-
Guy Moran
-
Bonkim
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Bonkim
-
Damaris Tighe
-
Bonkim
-
-
-
-
-
beenzrgud
-
Captain_Hook
-
Dr. Heath
-
David Tillman
-
Laguna Beach Fogey
-
The Patriot
-
Tim Morrison
-
Bonkim
-
-
gon
-
Cromulent
-
londondave
-
grumpy_old_ben
-
Bonkim
-
scroggs
-
ardenjm
-
scroggs
-
Bonkim
-
-
-
Sulla
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
-
CMx
-
Liz
-
-
CMx
-
Damaris Tighe
-
-
Thaddeus lovelock
-
KyraNelson
-
Thomas Johnson
-
sebastian2
-
peter the painter
-
-
Bristol Common Sense
-
sebastian2
-
Diggery Whiggery
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
Rifleman1853
-
peter the painter
-
-
CGR
-
cartimandua
-
peter the painter
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
peter the painter
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
peter the painter
-
Paddy Kilshamus
-
-
-
-
-
FAKIA
-
MartinC
-
LaurenceBoyce
-
WinstonCDN
-
Gwangi
-
somewhereinthesouth
-
sebastian2
-
-
73witness
-
sebastian2
-
73witness
-
sebastian2
-
73witness
-
sebastian2
-
-
-
-
-
Terry Field
-
NoPasaran
-
The Sanity Inspector
-
Wee Scitter
-
Scheveningen
-
lisalake
-
michaelwoodbridge
-
nicholas kenyon
-
Rosalie Dann
-
David W.
-
Call-in
-
Lydia Robinson
-
Lin Alb
-
Logan Hartanian
-
Ash Berger
-
Iman Samad
-
Vivian Li
-
LordInit
-
C. D. Carney
-
The Emperor
-
Douglas Tate
-
TotallyPeeved
-
Douglas Wakeman
-
DenisetheCelt
-
Douglas Wakeman
-
-
-
justice more than you desire
-
danstrom
-
pluck npick
-
ogre12
-
Beer Patzer
-
Daniel
-
beattinda hoedeem
-
mustafa
-
Mordhorst
-
Jo Bless
-
-
The Philosopher Queen