The Darling Buds of May
It’s got to be perfect
When I order a cup of tea in Costa, the barista says: ‘Perfect!’ I ask for tap water in a…
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‘I’ve been made Impermanent Secretary.’
‘We’re here about the superforecaster job.’
‘I can’t get on the housing ladder.’
Narcissus feels outnumbered
‘He used to be just a manspreader.’
‘Oh no! What have I tweeted..?’
‘Yes, you could say we’re self-isolating.’
‘And let’s all try to be a little bit kinder.’
‘Poor Rishi Sunak — he has four houses to worry about.’