Diary
Welcome to the Age of Jerks
How screwed is Britain? I’ve checked with the Impartiality Police. They said stick to the facts. Like many ailing, ageing…
Roman Polanski ruined my hair
The Prom was Berlioz and Strauss, but the Albert Hall is always the star for me. It is a lover’s…
The nostalgic joy of Frinton-on-Sea
For the recent heatwave, it was my mission to escape our little Wiltshire cottage, where it hit 35°C. It has…
Save us from the Lime bike invasion
I’m a Londoner born and bred, and I love this city, even though it’s slowly being destroyed by the insidious…
My P.G. Wodehouse summer
Normally I model myself on one of the more retiring of the Desert Fathers, as much as a man living…
A book signing – or a mental breakdown?
The late John Updike once wrote an amusing article about signing books. This wasn’t at some literary event with a…
Who wants to read an unemotional memoir?
On the hottest day of the year, St Pancras station would not have been my first choice for lunch, but…
Beware taking up running in your fifties
Over a hotel breakfast in Brisbane, I showed Sir Alan Hollinghurst my injuries. We’d met the previous week at the…
What happened to Piers Morgan
‘What happened to Piers Morgan?’ asked a Spectator writer last weekend. The answer, according to slavishly pro-Israel commentator Jonathan Sacerdoti,…
Satire is nothing without contempt
On 30 April, the solicitors Mishcon de Reya asked me to join a panel commemorating the 25th anniversary of the…
Should we give weight loss jabs to children?
I have seen the future of food. And some of you won’t like it. On a research trip to the…
The truth about my relationship with Phil Spencer
I never thought I would read a headline like ‘Kirstie Allsopp’s husband enables upskirting’. Regrettably, this type of nonsense has…
Can the British film industry survive Trump’s tariffs?
On the road with a new book, I recently spoke at a literary luncheon hosted by the Cambridge Festival. What…
How silence makes music
‘What!? But they won’t let you in!’ and ‘What!? But they’ll detain you at the border!’ and ‘What!? But they’re…
Bring on the Trump protests
The coming week will see the last major commemoration of a second world war anniversary – 80 years since VE-Day…
Men are allowed to fail, too
The weather in Bath has been preposterously good, with the Royal Crescent glowing in a soft, lemony light. I’m here…
Spare us from performative piety
Lent did not, I confess, start well. Cheltenham fell in its first week, and the Gold Cup is hardly the…
Heaven is an oeuf en gelée
The cherry blossom was at its finest as I made my last early morning trip through Regent’s Park to Broadcasting…
My manifesto for the next Archbishop of Canterbury
When I told a Westminster political editor that my novel NUNC! was about the prophet Simeon and the Nunc Dimittis,…
Steve Witkoff is wrong to see peace in Putin’s eyes
Kyiv ‘It doesn’t surprise me that they’re abolishing the Ministry of Education,’ my old friend Dima told me. ‘Judging by…
What Donald Trump told me about Keir Starmer
Two months into President Donald Trump’s second term, the habitual liberal hysteria about his rollercoaster presidential style is reaching shrieking…
Will I be sidelined by AI?
I’ve been head down for the past few weeks, preparing for my one-man show. The title is catchy – Nigel…
My faux pas with Washington’s most eligible bachelorette
To the Queen Anne splendour of the British ambassador’s residence in Washington for Peter Mandelson’s welcome party as our man…
The secret to a great service station
A couple of months ago, an invitation arrived. Would I like a room at the Savoy for the Baftas? I…
Have I been blacklisted by the binmen?
Monday, and Camden council have yet again failed to empty my food waste bin. They never miss my rubbish or…
