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23 August 2014 9:00 am

Raid

23 August 2014 9:00 am

Emoticon theatre

Emoticon

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Jack Sprat would eat no fat, his wife would eat no lean, no dairy, no wheat, no soya, no non-organic or GM food, no non-sustainable fish, no...’

Jack

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Bearing in mind your little boy’s issues with sugary drinks, we recommend you enrol him in the rehab crèche.’

Rehab

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Don’t touch me — this isn’t the Seventies.’

Seventies

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘It turns out you’re not A, B or AB but the much rarer ABBA blood group.’

Abba

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘He’s taken over from Famine.’

Horsemen

23 August 2014 9:00 am

‘I take it this is your first literary festival.’

Festival

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘I only have to watch this programme and I put weight on!’

Bakeoff

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘They’re in some kind of feeding frenzy.’

Frenzy

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘A hundred lines, Miss? But I’ll be out of my tree!’

Lines

16 August 2014 9:00 am

Warsi

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘He’s a prolific media commentator.’

Critic

16 August 2014 9:00 am

Ashes

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Isn’t it great not having anything to wear?’

Wear

16 August 2014 9:00 am

Homes

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Please, relax — I’m a very qualified surgeon and Mr and Mrs Piggy have yet to make a mistake.’

Surgeon

16 August 2014 9:00 am

Butterfly

16 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Strewth, Skippy — the Poms have gone fracking crazy.’

Fracking

9 August 2014 9:00 am

‘This is the first world war schedule to end all first world war schedules.’

Scheduler

9 August 2014 9:00 am

Cashpoint

9 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Rain doesn’t bother me — it’s like sanctions off Vladimir Putin’s back.’

Putin

9 August 2014 9:00 am

‘Well, according to Google Images it’s not a catapult.’

Mice

9 August 2014 9:00 am

Toll

9 August 2014 9:00 am