This week turned out to be an Albanese Method™ masterclass. If there’s one superpower our Prime Minister possesses, it’s the god-like ability to set the house on fire, then burst through the smoke wearing a cape, yelling: ‘I’m here to save you!’
Meanwhile, the rest of us cough up billions in taxes to fund his superhero cape and the Uber that dropped him there.
Staff at the taxpayer-funded outrage factory known the AlBo fan Club went on strike. They’re demanding 10 per cent more of other people’s money to write feel-good propaganda for their comrades. ABC staff were spotted in uptown Ultimo wearing union t-shirts.
Dressing down for the drive from Mosman in their EVs must have been emotionally tough during a fuel crisis…
The rolling fuel apocalypse is nothing to worry about, insisted the Minister for Panic Buying. The government’s on it! (Meaning diesel prices are rocketing off to Alpha Centauri while everyone chucks a U-ie at the servo like the tankers in the Hormuz Strait.) TikTok is full of fuel memes and The Elders (anyone over 30) are having to explain that $999.99 is not the actual price of diesel.
Meanwhile, Labor’s having a chat with the National Cabinet to understand why the oil just stopped… They have a dim recollection of some election sloganeering to that effect, but no one remembers signing off on policy that stops the nation going vroom.
The real losers are the Teals, who will find their anti-fossil fuel campaign a tough sell with people shaking their fists at the government, demanding cheap, reliable servo pumps.
None of this has stopped Bowen bouncing around like a Bobo Doll that’s been punched in the face.
The Monkey See Monkey Do [unofficial] "Doctrine" is a Real Thing.
Albert Bandura did the,
"Bobo Doll Experiment" and the results speak for themselves. The SCOTUS LIBS ARE NOT THINKING CRITICALLY.
Legal reasoning without independent doctrinal analysis is parroting. pic.twitter.com/ae5MdpMkNK— JP (@J_P1776) February 22, 2026
People are desperate enough to buy second-hand EVs. A second-hand EV market means EV ownership will double from none to bugger-all. Perhaps there’s no need to wind back the luxury EV tax if Albo Club members can upgrade and then palm off their old rare earths dump rigs to unsuspecting poor people.
Don’t worry! There’s a former Climate Tsar overseeing the logistics. Nothing screams ‘we’ve got this’ like watching a fuel shortage manifest then nudging unwelcome climate ideology into the vacuum left by hysteria.
At least Aussie pubs still have a sense of humour.
According to One Nation Senator Malcolm Roberts, they’re raffling jerry cans instead of meat trays!
Pubs now raffling Jerry cans of fuel instead of meat trays
From constituent Gary in Lockyer Valley and Ipswich pic.twitter.com/PR9BWG1W1O
— Malcolm Roberts ?? (@MRobertsQLD) March 23, 2026
We’re well on the way to a circular economy.
…or a 15-minute city.
We’ve become like suburban pets wearing shock collars that buzz us with a fright every time we wander up to a servo. It’s the perfect invisible fence. Naturally, given the government wants us to use electrified public transport to ease the fuel shortage, Sydney CityRail decided this weekend was a great time to play buses replace trains!
Not content with one circus, the government is cheerleading the Fair Work Commission for another minimum wage hike above inflation.
Our Kinder Capitalism Treasurer has decided the best thing for struggling businesses dealing with rent hikes, doubled energy bills, soaring transport costs, and a workforce demanding the right to not show up at the office … is to push wages up!
It’s clear the government thinks money is a magical renewable energy source.
Chris Bowen has an idea to combat fuel shortages.
The Energy Minister is suggesting people work from home to ease demand.
Listen to the details HERE.
?https://t.co/6PYTikuIPt? pic.twitter.com/WlCAzHwx0q
— Ben Fordham Live (@BenFordhamLive) March 23, 2026
Even Donald Trump has clocked Albanese. The US President expressed mild surprise that Australia basically said ‘nah’ to greater involvement securing the Strait of Hormuz amid the Iran-related chaos choking global oil.
Trump: ‘They always say yes to us.’
Albanese replied with a handwritten note slapped on Facebook.
Nothing says ‘decisive wartime leadership’ quite like a Prime Minister cracking out the crayons like he’s drunk-texting allies with sloppy ‘I love yous’.
Next he’ll be sending ASIO to decipher the White House X account’s cryptic, pixelated images, instead of fixing our own-goal national security nightmare.
— The White House (@WhiteHouse) March 27, 2026
Trump’s broader point stings – Albanese has the credibility of a Cadbury bunny…
I was going to add something here about the EU free trade agreement that will allow the Europeans to dump their virtue-signalling leftovers in the outback, but my editor said she’d rip my arms off and sell my organs for a bag of coffee beans. Apparently, she had to read it on Friday and hasn’t recovered from the resulting nausea.
Editor: Indeed.
There was also a rumour running around Facebook that Nigel Farage and Rupert Lowe were going to shake hands and make up. Nope.
International flights are being cancelled but we have been assured that the Toto Express is still ferrying ministers from Canberra to photo shoots and climate conferences across the country.
Chris Bowen has an idea to combat fuel shortages.
The Energy Minister is suggesting people work from home to ease demand.
Listen to the details HERE.
?https://t.co/6PYTikuIPt? pic.twitter.com/WlCAzHwx0q
— Ben Fordham Live (@BenFordhamLive) March 23, 2026
One Nation’s success in the South Australia election is being delayed because they broke the hardcoded two-party preferred default. Media sites had to find real humans to fix the display while the counting of preference votes continues at the speed of a depressed sloth. We’re not sure about the final seat allocation, but what we do know is that if this were a horse race they’d be wearing silver medals.
Onto Andrew Hastie. He has surprised everyone by digging in to support … uh, Albo? While hammering down another nail in the Liberals’ coffin, Hastie called Trump’s X posts ‘petulant’ and declared the rules-based order ‘dead’. Later, he went on 2GB to add, ‘Australians didn’t get a choice. We weren’t briefed. It just started. And now we’re dealing with the consequences.’
Well, we were warned. The war on terror has been going on for decades and successive governments, including Coalition governments, ignored fuel insecurity warnings. If it wasn’t Trump and Iran, it would be conflict in the Pacific. Something was always going to come and we were always unprepared.
And in Queensland, Matt Canavan will probably miss out on the #1 Senate ticket spot if the LNP have their way. By convention, the Nationals are relegated to #2 but considering Canavan is leader and the chances of winning two spots with the rise of One Nation in Pauline’s home state … you’d think commonsense would override convention. Doubtful.
There’s another preselection battle happening in Victoria where we’ll get a chance to see if the new leadership have any intention of winning in December. Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott is publicly supporting Moira Deeming over a challenger aimed at diverse migrant communities. Abbott warned preselectors that they have a ‘death wish’ if Moira is dropped. The moderates reckon, ‘yeah, nah’…
If self-sabotage is on the cards, the moderates might as well signal their plan to bump Alex Antic down the senate ticket in five years. It’s never too soon to plan for voluntary assisted electoral oblivion.
What did you miss? Another masterclass in how to keep you broke. Create the crisis, blame-shift when reality bites, throw more taxpayer’s money at it.
But Albo’s crayon drunk-texting takes the cake. Perhaps he’s adopted social learning theory from Albert Bandura’s Bobo Doll experiments to get voters to observe and imitate? Frankly, I’d rather he just punched Bobo in the face.
Dr Michael de Percy @FlaneurPolitiq is the Spectator Australia’s Canberra Press Gallery Correspondent. If you would like to support his writing, or read more of Michael, please visit his website.
