I have sweet memories of Christmas. My dad is proper old-school and would set up the video recorder. I don’t think we’ve ever watched the footage; I don’t know if he was even filming. But we couldn’t do anything until it was filmed. We never had loads of money, but Mum always went above and beyond. There was gold wrapping paper for presents from Santa. My family say I’m impossible to buy for now I’m better off. This year, I’ve asked for Disney princess pyjamas. Christmas is a time for me to give back.

Last Christmas was a bit of a shock. I was due to be in Australia but was then banned for my sexual stunts. My family was glad because it meant they got me for Christmas. Not that I’m much help. Cooking isn’t my forte. I do beans on toast, Super Noodles, bolognese, but dinner is out of the question. It seems like a maths test. No one asks me to wash, peel or cut anything. My mum never gets the timing right for dinner either. Everything is always burned or undercooked. If my grandma is two wines down, she might put the King’s Christmas message on. If she’s three wines down, she’ll forget. ‘Fairytale of New York’ was my grandad’s favourite song. He passed away quite young, aged 61. His funeral was in September and we had that song playing all day.

My family aren’t religious, although my grandma took me to church once, for the free tea and biscuits. I regret marrying young (I’m getting divorced) but everyone’s different. If you want to be a Trad Wife, just do it. My friends and I used to joke about how all we wanted was to find a rich husband and stay at home. Don’t worry that people might judge you.

I’m the worst person to give health tips. When I’m ill, I drink Pepsi Max, I don’t drink water, and I don’t take vitamins. Don’t be a slut like me: at this time of year, stay hydrated, stay warm. Given that I’m often naked, people wonder why I have a stylist. But I’m grateful to have Ermes in my life. He has helped me to understand what sort of image I want to convey. Yes, I’m a sex worker, but I’m also sophisticated and quite elegant. My favourite brand is what I call ‘Miaow Miaow’ – Miu Miu. I’ve spent thousands with them. I do girl maths. I’ll call my accountant and say, ‘I’ve spent £20,000’, then the invoice says ‘£40,000’. Shop assistants know who I am, this girl who came from nowhere who started dropping thousands like it’s nothing. I’ve never had a Pretty Woman moment.

I am not knowledgeable about politics, but I do know the UK is very messed up. The tax system is terrible and it’s smart to leave if you have money. There are too many people here, we are too accommodating, and it is causing problems. I worked for the NHS, and most people have no idea where the money goes. I like targets, although when I did the Thousand, I asked my team not to tell me the numbers so I didn’t obsess over them.

You shouldn’t have to pay any inheritance tax, as you’ve already been taxed on that money. When my grandad died, it was particularly sad because he was too young for my grandma to receive his pension. That’s disgusting. Reform has sensible positions on immigration and inheritance tax, so I stand with Nigel Farage.

There are loads of AI videos of me. In some, I’m in a mosque. In others, I’ve converted to Islam. There are lots of me giving birth. I find them funny. If your job is remote, of course AI is a concern, but a big part of what I do is having sex in person. You can’t replicate that with AI, so I’m not worried.

I love watching war films, particularly at Christmas. Some of my favourites include 1917, Pearl Harbor and Hacksaw Ridge. They should make a film about the book The Happiest Man on Earth: The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor, by Eddie Jaku. At no point does he think: ‘My life is over.’ He went through tragic events, yet found beauty in them.

I used to be obsessed with Victoria and Albert, the sweetest couple ever. I watched The Crown until Kate and William appeared. They seem fine. I like Harry. He chose to step away and for that I give him a lot of credit. Everyone is opinionated about Meghan, but it’s nice that they have been able to distance themselves. Andrew seems a bit of a lad. I should give him a fast pass to my next event; that would keep him out of trouble.

People queued to see the late Queen lying in state, to watch Wimbledon, and now to see me. It’s very British. I was worried people would argue about who’s next, but the queue keeps everything civilised. Friendships form, too. One group of lads met a guy who didn’t know anyone, and they went out for a curry afterwards. The lad thanked me because he said that it can be hard to make friends. The one thing you can guarantee is that nobody is going to judge you in my queue. Everyone has something in common.

I ’m from Derbyshire and always head to the Toby Carvery in Derby when I’m back. I’d also recommend Bradgate House, where Lady Jane Grey lived. I don’t know if I’ll be allowed in the history books. If I am, I’d like to be thought of as the woman who changed sex work. I’ve made it more accessible – which is why people hate me. But everyone is so online nowadays and I’m not. I’m here. I’m real.

It’s been a crazy year: my hardest and best. I’ve been kicked off Only Fans; deported from Fiji. I just smile and stay happy. I’ve learnt a lot about how resilient I can be and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. Next year, I want to be more creative and give back more. I only have this life, and life is beautiful. I plan to go into the new year with an even bigger bang.