Held in August three long and unproductive months ago, Treasurer Jim Chalmers’ much-vaunted Productivity Summit was billed as the moment Australia finally stopped talking about productivity and started doing something about it. Instead, it became exactly what everyone secretly suspected: a glorified TED Talk.

A government-funded group therapy session where bureaucrats, union folk, and business lobbyists held hands, nodded earnestly, and hummed Kumbaya between rounds of taxpayer paid for canapés.

Jim the Treasurer, who is nowadays more Muppet than baby Swan, hatched from the shadow of his idol Wayne, presided over the spectacle like a motivational speaker.

The grand jamboree assembled the usual ecosystem of Canberra fauna: overpaid public servants with padded resumes, consultants billing by the minute, union hacks, and corporate grifters eager to virtue-signal their way into the next grant round.

Together they reached the groundbreaking conclusion that productivity is ‘really important’, that ‘Australia faces challenges’, and that ‘collaboration is key’.

One could almost hear the collective hum of self-congratulation interrupted only by the clinking of glasses and the occasional hashtag deployment.

And since that ‘august’ August gathering, what has actually come out of this taxpayer-funded therapy circle? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

No reform, no framework, not even a half-hearted draft of a discussion paper to pretend something’s happening.

Instead of the promised reform agenda, what we have seen is the usual Canberra reflex: more tax grabs masquerading as economic policy.

The so-called ‘cash flow tax’ floated by the now-useless Productivity Commission, once an independent bulldog, now a lapdog poodle, reads like a fever dream scribbled on the back of a grant application. It is a tax hike in drag, wrapped in a productivity bow and delivered with the grace of an economic enema. Yes. An enema.

Meanwhile, the Reserve Bank’s independence has been trotted out like a stage prop in Jim’s ongoing PR theatre. The Governor, once the stoic umpire of monetary sanity, now stands dutifully with the Treasurer and his knitting circle, nodding on cue like an extra in a government promo video.

Jim’s Jamboree was meant to be the serious grown-up conversation Australia needed about lifting our economic game. Instead, it turned into another Canberra costume party. All optics, no output, and a post-event glow that faded faster than the Treasurer’s talking points.

Three months on, the scorecard is grim: inflation stubbornly high, living standards sliding, and the public service ballooning like a Canberra expense account. Disposable incomes are shrinking, household budgets are screaming, and yet the government’s answer to every question remains a fresh round of summits, slogans, and selfies.

COP that. Actually COP 31 that!

So yes, well done, Team Jim. Bravo. You’ve managed to host a productivity summit that produced exactly the opposite. Perhaps the next one could at least generate some irony credits. Until then, we can keep humming along with you – Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya.

This was first posted on Substack.