Put your Castro jokes away, Justin Trudeau’s reign as Governor Prime Minister of Canada has come to an end.

His final tweet this evening reads:

‘Thank you, Liberals – for everything.’

As I went to transcribe his final speech I discovered it was mostly in French which is odd, because French is one of those languages that makes even the most mundane of men sound sultry. Not so, for Trudeau. He is a captain tossed overboard by the crew who figure they have more chance fixing their leaky, imperilled ship without him, and you can hear the abandonment in his voice.

One of the first things Trudeau did on the podium was to congratulate himself and his party for not celebrating their victories. At which point he started celebrating what he perceived to be their victories, which negates his desire to seek praise for being humble.

Normally I would transcribe the outgoing speech of a Commonwealth leader, but Trudeau rarely rises above self-congratulatory bi-lingual drivel.

Don’t trust me?

Here’s a beautiful example of his oblivious hypocrisy: ‘We are a country that knows that standing up for everyone’s fundamental rights is the only way to protect our freedom.’

The absolute gall.

His closing remarks to the press were quite enlightening about the paranoia that has taken root in the upper ranks of Canadian politics.

‘What [Trump] wants is to see a total collapse of the Canadian economy, because that’ll make it easier to annex us.’

If America annexes Canada, they have to take Quebec too, and nobody wants to do that, not even the French. It would be like Trump offering refugee status to the Victorian Parliament. Thanks, mate. We’ll get Australia Post to express ship them over.

Moving on.

Trudeau has been replaced by Mark Carney, which is like upgrading your Victorian architecture with a fresh coat of Brutalism.

Barely in the role, the former banker, cruelly nicknamed ‘the unreliable boyfriend’, has already called the self-inflicted Trade War with the United States ‘the greatest crisis of our lifetimes’.

Really? It is impossible to take a man who thinks that seriously, but he was serious when he went on to say:

‘We didn’t ask for this fight, but Canadians are always ready when someone else drops the gloves, so the Americans, they should make no mistake, in trade as in hockey, Canada will win.’

That seems very unlikely.

‘Donald Trump has put, as we know, unjustified tariffs on what we build, on what we sell, on how we make a living, he’s attacking Canadian workers, businesses, and families … my government will keep our tariffs on until the Americans show us respect.’

Mind you, this is the same guy who named the Net Zero transition ‘the greatest commercial opportunity of our time’.

Actually, that might be accurate. Plenty of businesses and governments have made a killing from Net Zero at the expense of the peasants who are berated about using their car to take the kids to school by moral busy-bodies and then demoralised by power bills.

According to the BBC, who have been covering Carney for a while after he became the first ‘non-British person to become governor of the Bank of England in its more than 300-year history’, Carney hasn’t shown much interest in politics. When replying to speculation from reporters in 2012, he apparently snapped: ‘Why don’t I become a circus clown?’

Which is effectively what his role is. Appointed rather than elected, Carney’s job is to prance around the stage, entertaining the Liberal crowds with meaningless slapstick, while Pierre Poilievre circles.

Poilievre came out this morning and took a sizable nibble on Carney.

‘All the big economic questions of the last five years, Mark Carney has been wrong, and exactly wrong, and I have been right … if Mr Carney is so smart on economics, how is it that he was so wrong for so long on all of the economic issues?’

He also put up a tweet calling out Carney’s Chief of Staff as ‘none other than Trudeau’s ex-Public Safety and Immigration Minister, Marco Mendicino’ who he says resigned over a series of failures.

Carney took the stage during his ‘victory’ speech to say, ‘Poilievre would let our planet burn.’ Which is on par with how leaders of a cult welcome the converts.

Things are set to be pretty grim in Canada in the run-up to the next election which was originally estimated for October but could be much earlier. Until then, Canadians have an ‘end of days’ metaphoric sandwich-board-wearing climate change enthusiast barking at America.

Carney might imagine himself to be refined and intelligent, but he has made victory easy for Poilievre.

All the Opposition leader has to do is strike a deal with Trump to end the trade war and move forward as a strong partner of America and he’ll win in a landslide so catastrophic Trudeau will have to migrate to Cuba.