Australia’s constitutional monarchy is one of the most modern forms of liberal democracy. And despite all the embarrassment from a certain Olympic publicly-funded decolonisation project, here is some ‘breaking’ good news: Albo quietly cancelled – yes, cancelled – the Assistant Minister for the Republic a fortnight beforehand.

At the beginning of the year, the then-Assistant Minister for the Republic, Matt Thistlethwaite, said it was:

‘“…a lot harder” for the government to pitch a referendum on ditching the monarchy after the Voice to Parliament vote failed … [and that] Labor was unlikely, if re-elected, to hold a national vote.’

You bet.

On July 29, when Prime Minister Albanese ‘reshuffled’ the deck chairs of his Cabinet, the focus was on Andrew Giles being stripped of his role as Minister for Immigration, Citizenship and Multicultural Affairs where, allegedly through indecision and inaction, dangerous criminals ended up being released into the community which were ‘wrongly claimed’ as being monitored by drones.

Similarly, Home Affairs Minister Clare O’Neil was demoted to Housing and Homelessness.

A little-known result of the reshuffle was the undoing of the Home Affairs ‘super department’, where ASIO and the AFP resided. While under the previous arrangements, the Attorney-General still had control over issuing warrants. The rationale for this seems to be Labor’s penchant for reducing the power of the state – an ideological position that is in keeping with its anti-conservative stance and Labor’s desire for a republic.

But the good news is that the republic is now clearly off the agenda for the government. But what about the people?

Enter Raygun.

I have trouble watching comedies like Fawlty Towers. I suffer terribly from vicarious embarrassment. Basil Fawlty makes me cringe so much I must leave the room from time to time, otherwise I would actually die of embarrassment.

I couldn’t believe what I experienced when watching Raygun. It was next-level. When I saw the ‘breaking’ routine, I commented on Facebook:

‘I have a PhD in cacking myself.’

But one of my friends, who is a traditional Labor supporter, provided some food for thought:

‘Hairy-chested culture warriors should stand down on ‘woke academia’. Raygun is doing a great job bringing academia down from the inside…’

He is joking, obviously. I laughed and thought nothing further of it until I saw a tweet from Spectator Australia Editor, Rowan Dean, about former Australian Republican Movement chair, Peter FitzSimons:

Peter Fitzwotsit has written an article that begins with the opening line: "I am Raygun". No argument from me.

— Rowan Dean (@rowandean) August 12, 2024

Like most of the Wokerati, FitzSimons has sided with Raygun. He wrote in his opinion piece in the Sydney Morning Herald entitled, ‘I am Raygun. You are Raygun. We are all Raygun!’

She was excellent at embodying the most cherished Australian catchcry of all: Have a go, ya mug! And by gawd, she had a go, in a manner we’ve never seen before.

He could equally have said of Australian culture, ‘she’ll be right, mate’.

But Australians have another saying: ‘Now you’re just having a go.’

When FitzSimons stood down as chair of the Australian Republican Movement in late 2022, he said that by standing down, he would be:

‘…paving the way for younger, more diverse voices to take the reins.’

The biggest challenge for the republican movement in Australia is what FitzSimons referred to as:

‘…an apathetic public with an “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” mindset.’

Hence, the Assistant Minister for the Republic has quietly disappeared along with ‘breaking’ as an Olympic event.

Again, FitzSimons said he:

‘…believed a republic was possible within the next five years. But its success, he said, was underpinned by making the Indigenous Voice to Parliament a reality first.’

Given Peter FitzSimons’ predictive capabilities, we can rest easy in the knowledge that the republic is dead. Long live our constitutional monarchy!

After the horrible news of the stabbing deaths of three young girls in the UK last fortnight, I suggested hopefully to Alexandra Marshall on Spectator Australia TV that we would have some good news to discuss in future.

For this conservative commentator, the end of the ‘treasonous’ position of an Assistant Minister for a Republic that doesn’t exist is good news.

While ‘breaking’ tapped out of the Woke Olympics, our ‘it’s not broke’ constitutional monarchy won gold.

Dr Michael de Percy @FlaneurPolitiq is a political scientist and political commentator. He is a Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, a Chartered Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Logistics and Transport (CILTA), and a Member of the Royal Society of NSW. He is National Vice President of the Telecommunications Association, Chairman of the ACT and Southern NSW Chapter of CILTA, and a member of the Australian Nuclear Association. Michael is a graduate of the Royal Military College, Duntroon and was appointed to the College of Experts at the Australian Research Council in 2022.