This weekend, Nigel Farage enters the jungle on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! – reportedly for a fee of £1.5 million, the highest in the show’s history. How Coutts must wish they still had his custom. His very appearance is already being objected to by the usual suspects. In the Guardian, Zoe Williams accused ITV of ‘fun-washing’ Farage’s reputation, broadcaster Danny Baker called the channel ‘morally bankrupt’, and the hashtag #BoycottImACeleb has already been used by around 10,000 people on X. So far, so predictable. But what if, over the next three weeks, Farage charms the British public? What if, not the first time, he pulls off an electoral upset? What if… Nigel Farage wins I’m a Celeb?

Judge me if you wish, but I’ve watched pretty much every series of the ITV reality show since it started in 2002. In that time, I’ve learned there are certain rules any contestant must obey if they wish to win. First, don’t take yourself too seriously. If the former BBC war reporter Michael Buerk can traverse a zip-wire dressed as a multi-coloured parrot, no challenge should be judged too demeaning. Here, Farage will thrive. Even his harshest critics admire his propensity for good humour and self-deprecation. If he can share a party with Neil Hamilton, Godfrey Bloom and Robert Kilroy-Silk, he can stomach the odd ostrich anus.

Secondly, don’t complain. In 2003, TV chef Antony Worrall-Thompson channelled his inner Arthur Scargill by walking out of camp in protest at the limited food rations. He was voted out soon after. Farage will be only too aware of his role as pantomime villain, and he’ll likely receive the lion’s share of bushtucker trials (the nightly challenges around which the initial stages of the programme are built). But as Matt Hancock discovered on his route to finishing third – yes, third! – last year, completing them without a fuss earns the viewers’ sympathy. Plus, which politician ever objected to more screen time?

Crucially, Farage must be himself. For all its flaws, reality TV is brilliant at exposing fakery. When professional poo inspector Gillian McKeith pretended to faint during a live trial, no one was buying it and her career never recovered. There will be moments in the jungle, whilst idling time in camp, when the conversation will inevitably turn to politics. Much as Boy George relished ripping into Hancock during last year’s series, I can well imagine Grace Dent or the maître d’ from First Dates lambasting Farage for Brexit or his views on immigration. If Farage remains calm, and answers their points with respect, he will earn kudos with the public. After all, the ITV viewers sent Boy George packing long before Matt Hancock.

The left loves to remind Farage that he’s never won a seat in Westminster, despite seven attempts. It has always been a stupidly complacent taunt, given the former Ukip leader is arguably the most consequential figure in British politics since Thatcher. It also overlooks the role of the electoral system, which preserves the dominance of the established parties. Ironically, in this instance, first past the post will help Farage. On I’m a Celeb, viewers vote not for the contestant they wish to evict, but for the campmate they wish to keep in. Would Carol Thatcher have been crowned Queen of the Jungle in 2005 had ITV used proportional representation? I doubt it.

Nigel Farage is not the first politician to appear on the show. In addition to Hancock, Nadine Dorries, Brian Paddick, Kezia Dugdale, Lembit Opik, Edwina Currie and Stanley Johnson have all taken part over the years. For those too squeamish for the jungle, Strictly Come Dancing has became a gentler option for MPs in need of reputational rehab. Who can forget Anton Du Beke dragging Ann Widdecombe across the dance floor or Ed Balls performing Gangnam Style in front of a bemused nation? In Balls’ case, it certainly did him no harm. Like Portillo before him, he’s transformed his public image out of office, even if his cosplaying as a Breakfast TV anchor is still somewhat cloying.

The question for Farage is whether can use I’m a Celeb to kick-start his third act, whatever that may be. Following his appearance at the Conservative conference in Manchester, speculation is rife about his future ambitions. Does he want to be the next Tory leader? Does he want a referendum on net zero? Does he simply wish to grow his audience on GB News? Whatever his aims, Farage is an intensely competitive man and he won’t be going into the Australian rainforest for the money alone. Like the consummate politician he is, he’s in it to win it. Just imagine the tortured think pieces if, in three weeks’ time, the Brexiteer bounds across that swing bridge, confetti cannons firing, and Ant and Dec cheerily declare him the British people’s King of the Jungle.