Self-annihilation through sheer stupidity is what qualifies an individual to be honoured at the annual satirical Darwin Awards. Started as a tongue-in-cheek journalists’ gag in 1985 and then developed online and even into books and a movie, the Darwin Awards recognise ‘individuals who have contributed to human evolution by selecting themselves out of the gene pool’. Classic examples include the man who strapped a jet-pack onto his Chevrolet and died when he smashed at 300 mph into a cliff face or the man who fell to his death from the 24th storey of a skyscraper whilst attempting to demonstrate the windows were unbreakable.

Traditionally the winners are limited to individuals who have ‘eliminated themselves in an astoundingly idiotic manner’, but why stop at individuals? Clearly Australia as a nation under the leadership of Anthony Albanese’s Labor party is in with a sterling chance this year. Future fans of the Darwin Awards will recount in awe the hilarious self-annihilation anecdote about the island continent that handed over for 99 years its most northern sea-port to the aggressively militant naval superpower to its north that had plans to conquer it.

In the past, Mr Albanese has been extremely critical of Port Darwin being leased to a company ‘with links to the People’s Liberation Army’ and indeed, prior to the last election, hinted that an incoming Labor government might cancel the lease following a ‘review’. Instead, the Albanese government appears to have swapped a strategic military asset for a grab-bag of political sugar hits including an ‘historic’ visit to Beijing and the lifting of China’s unjustifiable embargo on our wine exports.

There is now a rather unsavoury political style emerging from Mr Albanese, whereby – mixing Arthur Daley with AC/DC – dodgy deals are done dirt cheap and political sweeteners are exchanged behind closed doors only to magically be revealed at the most opportune moment. Think of the alleged Qantas/Voice/Chairman’s Lounge/Qatar ‘quid pro quo’ deal as described by Senator Bridget McKenzie which was clearly not in the national interest and appears to have been designed to bolster Mr Albanese’s chances in the doomed referendum; and now we have this short-term opportunism with the Port Darwin lease with incalculable long-term risks. But never fear – the Department of Prime Minister & Cabinet reassures us that they have installed ‘a robust regulatory system in place to manage risks to critical infrastructure’. Phew! That’s a relief then.

As even the ABC acknowledges, quoting an academic from the Australian National University, this Port Darwin decision ‘stretches credulity to breaking point to imagine that the timing of this announcement was a coincidence’.

So here’s how it goes: in exchange for a malicously imposed wine embargo designed to intimidate us and a malevolently imprisoned journalist who has been cruelly separated from her family and treated as little better than a hostage plus a cheap selfie with Albo outside the Imperial Palace, Xi Jinping gets a significant military asset on Australian shores for the rest of the century. Shadow Minister for Defence Andrew Hastie points out that the Prime Minister had previously called the initial decision to undertake the Port Darwin lease ‘a grave error of judgement’. Decrying Albo’s ‘weak leadership’, an opposition statement said, ‘Having tried to be a pre-election hero promising a review, he is now sweeping his decision under the rug and hiding behind a departmental media release, sent out on a Friday afternoon.’

At a time when international tensions are red hot and the West faces deadly threats on two fronts, along with the constant threat of Beijing moving on Taiwan, the Port Darwin decision is not only stupid it is reckless. Add on to which is the extreme oddity of Mr Albanese begging the US Congress to approve our submarine  technology deals at the same time as handing their main rival’s navy a key strategic asset. What must the Americans think?

But it’s not just Mr Albanese who is distinguishing himself with policies and behaviour that will be welcomed with a raised glass in the gilt corridors of the Celestial Kingdom. Australians must never forget the sterling efforts of Climate Change and Energy Minister Chris Bowen to simultaneously cripple our energy security with his insane net-zero agenda whilst also guaranteeing Chinese manufacturers a lucrative stream of income with his preposterous offshore wind farms, which will no doubt be largely built in China using (for added irony) Australian coal to generate the volume of energy required to manufacture these monstrosities.

Meanwhile, it’s worth noting that in keeping with the glaring absence of submarines protecting our shores, the casual tourist cruising the waters to our north would be lucky to stumble upon anything scarier than a couple of rusty fishing boats acting as a deterrent to the might of the communist navy.

Hand that PM his Darwin Award!